Tragic, Beautiful
by phoenix521
Summary: the bebop is the kind of ship that brings strangers together. it also pushes those strangers apart. how beautiful can tragedy be? how tragic is beauty? why not get lost in this sequel to 'from the pages of the bebop', and find out. es fin.
1. Pregnant Women Are Insatiable

**A/N: Hello all, I'm back again. No songfics this time, just a good old fashion sequel. Remember that little story I wrote, "From the Pages of the Bebop"? Well, I figured that the story wasn't finished, and I launched into it again. Um…I guess I should warn you, first and foremost, that this fic isn't as happy as we might have hoped it would be. And there will be lemons, just to forewarn. I'll let you know when that's coming up.**

**In case you were wondering (though I doubt you were), I got the title for This fic from a kirstin dunst movie, actually, though I've never seen it. Crazy/Beautiful is what it was called. So I replaced 'crazy' with 'tragic', and it all came together. And though the rating doesn't apply for these first couple of chapters, it will real soon. Also, no diary entries this time. It just didn't fit with the flow of this story, so...**

**And I apologize before hand, for any ooc-ness that might, and most likely _will_ occur. But please remember, this is set after the rfb's, and the crew has been through some rough times. If you haven't read the precursor to this fic, then I suggest you do so, or things may get confusing.**

**So…I guess that's it for now. Just sit back, relax, read and enjoy. I hope this is as good as the first one, if not better. And please, if it's not too much to ask, why not leave a review, and tell me how I'm doing. But if you do review, please, no flames. **

**Well, I'll shut up now, and let you get to it!  
**

1. Pregnant Women Are Insatiable

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me!" The visibly pregnant woman yelled. "Just because I'm 'with child', doesn't mean that I've become an invalid!"

"What language do you need me to say it in, Faye? No means no!" The man with the fuzzy, green hair shouted in retaliation.

"He's got a good point, Faye," the balding man stated. "In your current state, going after a bounty wouldn't be in anyone's best interest."

With an aggravated huff, the fussy female awkwardly lowered herself down to the old, yellow couch. Even though the two men had a good point – and a valid one at that, that didn't mean that she was going to give up on this so easily. True, she was six months pregnant, and true, she was lacking a certain sort of sex appeal, and true to all of the others things that were argued that night; but that was hardly enough to keep her out of the game in _her_ mind.

"This is all your fault, you know," she casually tossed her cowboy's way.

"Yeah, well, I don't recall you complaining during the process."

Giving a huff of his own, the older cowboy in the room raised a hand to quickly silence them.

"You two can fight all you want to, but as long as _I'm_ in the room, leave _your_ room antics to yourselves."

Sparing sly glances at one another, Spike and Faye thought of all the things that they could tell 'dear ole dad'. Thinking better of it, for sake of argument, Faye shook her head and kept her mouth shut.

"I honestly don't know why you won't let me go out just one more time," Faye practically whined.

"You're pregnant, Faye," Spike dryly stated. "And no woman of mine is…"

"Woman of _yours_?" Faye shouted.

Jet cringed and sunk down into his chair, dreading what was coming next. Spike's left eye twitched at the increase in Faye's volume, fully understanding that he, once again, opened his mouth and inserted his foot.

"The last time I checked," she continued to rage, "Faye Valentine belonged to no one but herself! Granted I _may_ be your girlfriend, and I _may_ be the mother of you kid, that doesn't give you the right to 'own' me. What next? Are you gonna stick a flag in my ass and claim me in the name of the Queen?"

Spike stared at the ceiling, hoping that she could just forget about what he had said. When he felt Faye kick him in the shin, though, he knew there was more.

"Well? Are you going to answer me? Of course you're not. Why in the hell would the great Spike Spiegel ever actually, logically, speak to the woman he knocked up!"

As Faye extended her tirade, Jet leaned over and whispered to the source of this one-sided quarrel.

"You know she's pregnant, Spike. And you know that means that her hormones are out of whack, even by normal Faye-standards. Why would you say something like that to her?"

"Ya got me there," Spike responded in kind. "But then again, no one ever said I was a smart man."

"You're dating Faye Valentine. You're damn right you're not a smart man."

The two cowboys chuckled to themselves, thankful that the woman in question was too deep into her rant to notice that they weren't paying attention. That didn't last much longer, however.

"Oh, so now I don't even warrant you attention? Not even just a fraction of it? What in the hell was I thinking when I decided to stay on this ship? Two lazy, slobbish men are so _not_ the kind of roommates I need."

Rising from the couch, the lazy, slobbish man with the green hair decided to take it upon himself to silence his shrew the best way he knew how. Stepping up to her and easily weaving his arms around her distended form, Spike quickly caught her in a kiss, and then there was silence once more.

Looking away and grumbling about kids these days, Jet blushed ever so slightly. He didn't know what was worse: Spike and Faye fighting all day long, only to end when one of them finally walked away, or Spike and Faye fighting all day long, only to end when one of them finally kissed the other. As he heard Faye's pacified giggle, he was sure it was the latter.

"If you two are finished," Jet began curtly, "then can we at least resolve this _now_? If we wait any longer, Faye will have had the kid, and then this won't be a problem."

Pushing away from the offending, yet comforting arms, Faye composed herself and went back to pleading her case.

"Please, you guys. I know I don't exactly fit my old outfit anymore, and I know I'm not the most agile anymore, either, but this guy is _so_ simple, and I just want to get _one more guy_. Please? I promise I'll be super safe, and you'll be amazed by how efficient I can still be. And after this, I'll officially go on maternity leave!"

The two men glanced at each other, easily noticing the candy tone to Faye's voice now. Hormones, mood swings, and want sure knew how to soften up this woman.

"Just one more?" Jet probed.

"Jet!" Spike countered. "You can't honestly be thinking about letting her do this, can you? She's pregnant! I don't know how else to say that!"

"I _know_ she's pregnant, Spike. Christ! If I knew that you'd be such a goddamn overprotective ass once you finally admitted that you loved her, then I would have never advocated for any of this at all!"

"Um, I'm right here, you guys…" Faye quietly interjected.

More often then not, when the three of them got into an tiff, Jet and Spike would inevitably start in on his and Faye's relationship, and of course, the baby. When the topic was first brought up in such a manner, Faye had dashed out of the room in tears, positive that Jet hated their relationship, and hated the baby that was growing inside of her. But after many apologies, reassurances, and massive bars of chocolate, Faye was finally convinced that they only argued on the subject because they cared so damn much about her and the child.

"It's just one more time, Spike. She's a capable woman, and you know that! She'll be fine. She's never let this trip her up before!"

"Well, she never had a fucking watermelon under her shirt before, either!"

"Hey, I'm not _that_ big," Faye retorted, knowing full well that her words fell on deaf ears.

"She's not _that_ big yet, Spike. Look, I know that you're concerned and all, but you gotta trust her. If she says she can do it, then I'm sure she can. And besides, you've seen the file. Ed has everything on him, and he's just some small fry. Just let her get this last one, before she _can't_ get anymore. Once this guy's money in the bank, then you can fawn over her all you want to."

"Well…" Spike thought it over as he decided to ignore Jet's last comment. "I don't like the idea."

"You wouldn't, would you, lunkhead?" Faye once again said to herself.

"But…since he _is_ just a small fry…I guess she can go," he finally consented.

"Thank you, Spike!" Faye beamed as she wrapped her arms around the man, glad to be going, and glad to be a part of the conversation again. "You won't regret this, I promise!"

"Get off me, woman," he feigned anger as he gently pushed her away. "And you're right, I _won't_ regret this. I already do."

Faye smiled at him again and ran her hand through his hair. She had learned a while ago that such a simple little gesture could get him to agree to almost anything. And with that tidbit of information, Faye could virtually get him to take over the world.

"I'll make you _very_ happy that you agreed to let me go," Faye practically purred to him.

"Well, if you put it like _that_," Spike answered, tossing her a coy glance. It took much effort on his part to keep from attacking her right then and there, but he tried his best to keep public displays of affection to an absolute minimum outside of their bedroom door.

"That's it!" Jet yelled, standing from his chair. "We've figured it out: she's going. Now anything else you two need to 'talk' about, do it in your room!"

"We made dad mad again," Spike taunted.

"And stop calling me dad!" the older cowboy bellowed as he retreated down the hallway.

Feeling an arm make its way around her waist once again, Faye finished chuckling at Jet and turned to her restrainer.

"So, you wanna go let me thank you in private?" Faye asked, already knowing Spike's answer.

"You know," Spike started as he began to pull her towards their room, "for a pregnant woman, you're absolutely insatiable."

* * *

**and that's the first chapter, folks. no flashy prolouges, etc., just good times on the bebop. like i said, though, things won't stay that way for long. but anywho, how was it? sorry for such a short chapter. they'll start to get longer, or i'll post multiple chapts in the future. **

**well, thanks for reading and thanks so much for stopping by.**

**-phoenix**


	2. Aye, aye, Captain Jetperson

**a/n: so i meant to have this chapter out earlier, but as usually, the site was being screwy. but here it is, in all of it's belated glory. it's just a simple second chapter, nothing big or crazy. another short one, but things will be longer next time around. well, get to readin'! **

2. Aye, aye, Captain Jet-person

* * *

He studied her from his seat on her bed, watching intently as she flittered from one side of the room, to the other. For a moment, he wondered how she could maneuver so quickly, she _did_ have a growing belly to watch out for. But he quickly turned to other thoughts as he watched her apply her make-up.

Spike would never necessarily come out and say that he was worried about the woman in his sight, but with his current actions, he didn't have to say it. Faye Valentine, he thought. She wasn't the kind of woman that he was supposed to fall in love with, but he went and did it, anyway. She wasn't dainty like Julia, and she wasn't sweet and soft-spoken liked the deceased blonde, either. Hell, the only real similarity between the two women was just that: the fact that they were women. That and the fact that he loved them both.

As he watched Faye drop some medieval make-up applying tool, and cursing at the fact, he knew that he loved his shrew more than he ever could his angel. He heaved a sigh, fully aware that he was getting soft, and gave in to the smile that crept up on his face. This may not have been the life he asked for, bounty hunting and impending fatherhood with a thawed out vixen of a girlfriend, but he was more than happy to have it. Now if only he could convince said vixen of a girlfriend to _not_ go out on this hunt.

"Even though I agreed to it, I'm still not okay with this, Faye."

"We've already been over this, Spike. He's a small fry, and I'm still capable of doing this. Furthermore, I _am_ doing this," she answered him as she glared at him in the mirror.

"I never said you weren't capable, I just don't want you to do this. I…I just don't have a good feeling about this."

Letting out a light chuckle, Faye turned and faced him, an appreciative smirk on her face.

"So, Mr. Hunter has a bad feeling, eh? How funny. And to what shall I attribute _this_ feeling, too?"

"Ha ha, very funny, Faye," Spike drawled at her allusion. So what if he had the occasional sympathy symptom? Faye should have thanked him, in his opinion. It wasn't _her_ that was hunched over the toilet in the morning.

Continuing with his observing, Spike watched Faye as she wiggled into her attire for the evening. It was a simple outfit, just a flowy sundress that allowed room for her tummy. It was a far cry from her old clothing, and Spike was secretly glad for that. It had irritated him enough when they weren't together, the way men leered at her barely covered form. Now that they were, he definitely appreciated the change of wardrobe, and obviously thanked himself for said change.

Faye slipped her feet into a pair of white heels, which accentuated the flecks of white that where in her deep blue and white polka dotted dress. As she turned around to admire herself in her full length mirror, she mused on the fact that she actually looked good in dots. Well…cute was a better word for it. But then again, she got that word a lot, now that she was showing. Catching Spike's eyes in the reflection, Faye faced and approached him.

"So you're really worried about me, huh?" She asked as she stood in front of him, arms over her chest and hips popped to one side.

"I wouldn't go so far as to say 'worried'," Spike half-joked. "But I'd really just prefer if you let me and Jet take care of this. While I'm sure you can still work your 'feminine charm' on the guy, I'd much rather work my masculine fists on him, instead."

"Christ, Spike, you're such a guy," Faye said as she smiled at him.

Returning the gesture, Spike reached out and took hold of the woman in front of him. He pulled her to him and rested his head on her stomach, the stomach _he_ was responsible for. Faye snaked her arms around his neck and relished in the rare moment of tenderness.

It wasn't often that Spike broke down and acted like a human with emotions, but when he did, Faye couldn't help but try and blink back the tears. In these moments, she was positive that all of the shit that he put her through was all worth it. The heroin, the overdose, the rehab; all of it. When he rested his head on her stomach, when he finally gave in to the feeling of a father, Faye knew that this was how it should be.

In a similar state of mind, Spike reveled in the warmth and scent of Faye, and grinned at his baby's movements. A kick here or a punch there was more then enough to ease the cowboy's soul. He probably still wouldn't believe it until the kid was finally in his arms, but Spike was pretty sure that he'd take to fatherhood rather well, indeed.

"I really do hate to break up such a tender moment," Jet said as he stood in Faye's doorway, "but we need to brief you on the plan one more time, and make sure everything's in order."

Almost pushing Faye away, Spike practically leapt up from the bed and headed towards the common room, the stain of a blush barely hidden in the dim light. Sighing lightly and shaking her head, Faye made her way after him.

"I really am sorry, Faye," Jet said as she got to the door.

"It's not your fault, Jet," she assured. "You know he's still…iffy about the whole situation. Things happened fast and we can't expect to make a good boyfriend _and_ dad out of him so easily, now can we?"

"I guess he didn't earn the name 'lunkhead' for no reason," Jet comforted as he gave her belly a gentle pat.

* * *

"So, you sure you got everything?" Jet asked as he closed out another window on the computer screen.

"I'm pregnant, not stupid."

"Now you're just counting hairs."

"We _do_ still have separate rooms, you know."

"Oohh, Spike-person's gonna be in the doggie woof, woof house again!"

Rubbing a hand over his face, Jet mentally counted to ten, trying desperately to keep his temper in check. Between a pregnant Faye, a moodier than ever Spike, and a "maturing" Ed, Jet was sure that he'd loose his sanity by year's end. For the love of God, it had taken them nearly an hour to get through a fifteen minute plan!

"Will you three cut it out already!" Jet yelled.

"Did we make Jet-person mad again?" Ed asked, innocent as ever.

"No, Ed, Jet-per…I'm not mad," he ground out.

"Then why is that vein popping out on the side of your neck again?" she giggled as she stood on her hands.

Choosing to ignore the girl, the aging cowboy silently handed something over to Faye.

"The frequency on the wire should be set to channel seven. Make sure that it is."

Agreeing easily, feeling remorse for all the stress that Jet had to deal with, Faye checked her wire and confirmed that it was set to the appropriate channel.

"Good. Well, let's head out, then. Remember that Spike's gonna be across the street in the bar, and I'm going to be in the Hammerhead, just around the corner. If you need us, just say the safety phrase, and one of us will be there as quick as we can. Wait…you remember the safety phrase, right?"

"What did I just say? Pregnant, not stupid. The goddamn phrase is 'a tall latte, iced'. There, did I do good?"

Satisfied, Jet rose from his spot and headed towards the hanger. Spike and Faye fell in step, all three of them silent, and all for different reasons. Ed cartwheeled behind them, singing another nonsensical, made up song. Ein brought up the rear, as always, whimpering lightly at the situation.

After helping Faye into her craft, Spike went and boarded his. Jet went over things one more time with Ed, since one can never be so sure when counting on the easily distracted teen. As she nodded furiously at him, her orange hair bouncing along with her, Jet shook his head and prayed for strength.

"Okay, Ed, close the hanger and open the hatch," Jet yelled from his ship. "And for the love of God, stay out trouble!"

"Aye, aye, Captain Jet-person. Edward will not let you down!"

Fully aware that this mission would probably be a disaster, Jet secured his ship, started his engine, and the three hunters headed off to their hunt.

* * *

**and that's then end of that chapter. just another little one. i guess it's a setup for the next chapter, though. did you see the foreshadowing? if not, that's okay; i think it's pretty subtle. well, thanks a ton for stopping by!**

**phoenix**


	3. An Iced Latte, Tall

**a/n: so, this is the part where things start to get heavy. so, yeah. i just wanted to tell ya that. well, read and enjoy, anyway. :)**

3. An Iced Latte, Tall

**

* * *

**

Martian Java, despite its name, was actually a pretty classy joint. Well, as classy as a corner coffee shop could be. The smell of freshly ground beans hung loosely in the air while soft, jazz music wafted in the background. The sun was just beginning to dip below the horizon line, and more patrons, looking for a caffeine fix, began to filter in. 

The woman that strolled in with the crowd was hardly noticed by anyone. Her dress was simple: blue and spotty; her demeanor easy: slightly exhausted, yet content. She slipped off her white, movie starlet sunglasses and placed them in her clutch bag, and then made her way to the line.

To anyone in the little shop, she was just another pregnant woman, looking for a latte, even though caffeine was bad for the baby. The only part of her visage that demanded a second glance was her unusual purple hair. But even _that _color was becoming more ordinary. Under normal circumstances, said woman would have been a little put off by the lack of attention she garnished, but in this instance, anonymity was a blessing.

After ordering a blended drink, something with as little caffeine as possible, Ms. Anonymous grabbed her cup, thanked the barista, and took a seat at the counter, next to a man in a light, beige suit. Truthfully, she didn't need to sit so close to the man, seeing as thought the counter was virtually empty, but then again, that was a part of the plan. She crossed her legs at the ankle and pulled out a book from her purse. Turning the pages until she found her bookmark, the plum-haired woman delved into her read.

"_The Da Vinci Code_, eh? I remember my grandmother told me about that book, and how controversial it was when it first came out."

Looking up from her book, the woman glanced at the man next to her and nodded at his statement. His voice had a distinct southern twang to it, and she instantly knew she didn't like it.

"Yeah, Earthlings were a real weird bunch, so I hear," she responded.

A few moments of silence followed as she turned back to her reading. Mentally, she counted down the seconds, confident that he'd speak to her again.

"The name's Gary," he said, holding out his hand.

"Faye," she said with a smile as she lightly shook it.

"So, you come here often? Wait, I'm sorry. That sounds like a cheesy pick up line, and I am _not _trying to pick you up," he said, flustered.

"Oh, really?" She deadpanned, cocking a twitching brow.

"Wait, I didn't mean that, either. You're a beautiful lady, and any man with eyes can see that. Oh man, I'm not making this any easier on myself, am I?"

Faye shook her head, finding herself more and more annoyed with the man. She hoped opportunity would come knocking quickly; this was one bounty that she was ready to bag. She could only imagine what Spike was thinking, as he listened in.

"What I meant was, I've never seen you here before, and I come here almost every day."

"Oh," Faye smiled, trying to look coy. "Well, if _that's_ what you mean, then yes, you're right. Today's my first day stopping by here. My girlfriend told me they had good frappucinos, and I just had to try one."

"That they do," he said as he took a sip of the drink in front of him. "So, would it be considered a faux pas to ask you how far along you are?"

"It probably would be, but I'm a girl of only so much class," Faye giggled at him.

* * *

From his seat in The Pink Elephant, Spike couldn't help but gag at the guy on the other end of the mike. Who in the hell did he think he was? Oh, that's right...he was the bounty. But still, that didn't give him the right to come on to _his_ woman. And asking her how far along she is? Fuck that. If Spike had anything to do about it, oh and he would, he'd deliver an extra punch for that one. 

Sipping angrily at his glass of cola, Spike continued to listen to Gary chatter, and Faye giggle. Every time she did, his anger went up a notch. Spike wasn't jealous of the jerk, why should he be? He was just…pissed at this guy's balls.

"So, I see that you haven't got a ring on your finger. Why's that?"

'Why's that!' Spike thought. Boy, this guy was getting pretty gutsy. And he didn't waste time, either. They'd only been talking for twenty minutes, tops. With that question, _Gary _earned himself a ripe kick in the ass.

"It's a shame, really. A lovely woman like you, pregnant no less, with a man who can't commit."

Can't commit! Who in the hell did this guy think he was? Spike pushed himself up from the table, more than intent on bagging this bounty NOW!

"Sit your ass back down, Spike," Jet commanded over the comm. Even though he didn't have visuals on him, Jet just _knew_ that Spike was two seconds away from storming into the coffee shop. "She knows what she's doing. And besides, if you go in there and show your ass, like you obviously would, then this could blow up and get out of hand. Do you want that?"

Sighing at the older cowboy's moment of wisdom, Spike sat back down and chugged the rest of his drink.

"And that better be soda you're downing. We don't need you drunk. For Faye's sake _or_ yours."

"I'm not fucking drinking, Jet," he seethed into the comm. "It's not like I'm gonna up and forget what the doctor said."

"Just make sure that you don't. Now stop acting jealous, and just listen in!"

"Jealous!" Spike nearly shouted. He was about to set his partner straight, but the line had been disconnected. Letting that comment slide, for now, Spike resumed listening.

* * *

Back in the coffee shop, the waning distance between Faye and the bounty hadn't gone unnoticed by her. She was a bit uncomfortable with his proximity, but allowed it, if it helped her nab him. All she needed was for him to mention something, anything about Venus, and she'd have everything she needed. 

Gary Nublin, at least she _hoped_ that's was this guy's last name was, was a petty diamond thief turned big time robber after he had stolen the Trust Diamond, the largest diamond this side of the solar system. The jewel had been lifted five weeks ago when it made a stop in the Plagentram Museum on Venus for a showcase.

The crime was thought to be an inside job, since the diamond disappeared with such relative ease. Nublin had probably, or at least in Jet's ex-cop mind, infiltrated the Security Team, secured a position, and stolen the diamond that way. But all of that was cannon fodder at the moment. First, they needed to nab the perp.

"…so my trip to Venus was cut short," Gary continued on. "When work comes a-callin', I got to answer. After all, that's how I pay the bills."

He finished his droll, lie of a story with his trademark chuckle, and Faye indulged him with a laugh of her own. She took the break in conversation to glance at the thin watch on her wrist. If her eyes served her correctly, she'd been making small talk with this man for nearly forty-five minutes. That was much longer than she had anticipated. She had to make her move soon, or else the chance might pass her by.

"So, how is Venus this time of year? I hear it's quite pretty."

"Yeah, it's okay. But it's no where as pretty as you."

Faye simply smiled at him as the image of an eye-rolling Spike flashed in her head.

"I hear the Plagentram was showcasing the Trust Diamond a couple of weeks ago, but it got stolen. Boy, I would have loved to have seen that."

"It's a pity someone would take it. I mean, what would someone do with it, anyway? It's not like you could sell it, since everyone in the whole dang solar system would be looking for it."

Faye agreed with him and gave a weary sigh. She glanced out the window briefly, only to be brought back in by a splash of lukewarm liquid on her chest.

"Oh Jesus, I'm so sorry!" Gary exclaimed.

Faye looked down to see the front of her dress was soaked in coffee. Apparently, as Gary was rising to go throw away the rest of his drink, he lost his step and Faye just happened to break his coffee's fall.

"I can be such a ridiculous klutz sometimes. I promise, I'll buy you a new dress and all," he tried his best to say as he blotted her with napkins.

* * *

"Faye? Faye, what the hell is going on?" Spike demanded to know. One minute, he was listening to Faye lead the bounty into the damning evidence they needed, the next minute, all he could hear was ear-piercing static. 

He looked to the windows in the bar, and groaned when he remembered that bar windows where heavily frosted, and basically pointless. He was more than ready to storm across the street and see what was up, but found the sensibility to check in with Jet first.

"Hey Jet, do you know what happened to Faye's mike?"

"I have no clue," he responded after a few seconds of static on his end. "If the sound isn't back in five minutes, then get over there."

"A lot can happen in five minutes, Jet," Spike said uneasily.

"Fine, make it three."

* * *

"Its okay, Gary, really," Faye told the man as she desperately tried to keep her cool. "Don't worry about it about it. I'm a whiz with laundry." 

"That's not the only thing I hear you're a whiz at," Gary responded, his voice significantly darker, his twang significantly gone.

"Wh…what do you mean?" Faye asked, wondering if the tables where turning.

"It's simple, really, Ms. _Valentine_."

He gave a sadistic smirk as he watched Faye's eyes widen in something akin to fear.

"One doesn't steal the galaxy's largest diamond without knowing who his enemies are. And you, bounty hunter, are right up there with the worst."

"What makes you think I'm a bounty hunter? I'm pregnant, after all," Faye tried to play off. Seeing his eyes darken even more, she had the sinking feeling that she wasn't doing such a good job.

"The way I see it, I don't even think you're pregnant. Cosmetics are a real wonder, aren't they? Maybe next time, use some on that pretty face of yours."

* * *

"I got a real bad feeling about things, Jet. Something's not right. Can I just go now?" 

"Fine, go now. Just go slow, and don't draw attention to yourself! I'll start up my ship and be ready if you need me."

Glad to be able to finally go, Spike threw some money on the counter and calmly sauntered out of the bar and towards the café.

* * *

"I guess you don't know how many two-bit hunters I've killed over the last couple of weeks, do you?" Gary asked, amazed that the woman in front of him didn't try to call attention to the situation. "Well, it's been more than a few. But they weren't as smart as you are. At least you know how to keep you mouth shut." 

Faye stared at him, not quite sure what to do. If he knew who she was, then it was quite feasible that he'd be armed. And if the look in his eyes indicated anything, then he was dangerous as well. Thinking fast, Faye tried to figure something out. Maybe Spike was right, maybe she should have sat this one out. After all, if things went wrong, it was two lives that'd be on the line.

"I must be getting soft, or maybe it's the location, but I'm apt to let you live. Now if you'll excuse me," he said, his perky, southern twang coming back, "it's been great talking with you, but I really must go."

Nodding dumbly at him, Faye held in her breath, more than glad to see him go. As the bounty turned around, he saw a lanky man in a blue suit, accented with a mop of green hair, heading towards the coffee shop. It only took him mere seconds to realize who _that _man was, and an even shorter amount of time to realize that he was being ambushed.

Thinking back to Faye and suddenly feeling less generous than before, he slid his hand into his waistband and faced the woman. She was just getting up from her seat, wiping away the wrinkles that had accumulated on her dress. He walked back up to her, and leaned in close, as to not alert the attention of the people around them.

"So this was all a set up, huh?" he breathed in her ear. "Well then, it seems as though you really _were_ smarter then I thought. Anything you want to say for yourself?" He asked as he leveled his gaze with hers.

"A…a tall latte…"

Her words died in her throat and her eyes grew wide. She knew that something was instantly wrong, but her brain simply couldn't register it at the moment.

"…I…iced."

* * *

At that moment, Spike's mike flickered back into existence and he heard those words fall from Faye lips. As he peered into the shop, seeing Gary's back facing him, his feeling of dread shot through the roof. 

"Did you hear that, Jet? Get over here, now!"

It was only when he saw Faye collapse to the floor, did Spike finally break out into a full sprint.

* * *

"Maybe next time on the latte, honey," Gary said to her as he removed the five inch blade from her stomach. "May you rot in hell, hunter." 

"Not before you do," an irate voice uttered from behind him. Gary never had a chance to see the voice's owner, though. He looked down and saw the hole now in his chest, and collapsed to the floor, along with Faye.

Spike dropped his gun after that, completely oblivious to the shrieks and screams around him. He took in the sight before him and felt his heart clench. Faye lay on the ground, blood gushing from an unseen wound, further staining her already soiled dress. Her eyes were wide and her hands were curled around her. Shock already registered in her features.

"Faye? Faye! Damnit, look at me!" Spike yelled, pressing a hand to her wound. "I fucking _told_ you that this was a bad idea!"

"You weren't supposed to kill him!" Jet boomed as he entered the café. His words quickly ceased when he saw _why_ Spike had shot, though.

"Try and stop the bleeding!" Jet said, trying his best to stay calm and rational. "And somebody call the damn police! She ain't gonna stop the bleeding herself!"

Pushing hair out of her face, Spike shook his head, almost as if trying to shake the image loose. Maybe if he shook hard enough, he could make this all go away.

"Sp…Spike?" Faye sputtered, blood slowly oozing out of the corner of her mouth.

"Shut up, Faye. Now's not the time to talk."

A shallow smirk lit up Faye's paling face; it was good to see her cowboy still had his humor.

"You…you were right…"

"Don't seem so surprised," Spike told her, unsure of what emotion to show. "Just…just stop talking. The ambulance should be her any minute now. Everything's gonna be okay."

"I think he…he hit the baby."

Spike's blood ran cold at those words. If it wasn't bad enough that Faye was hurt, now he had to worry about his baby, too. Boy, was this a _really_ bad idea.

"Everything's gonna be okay. Just hold on," he comforted. "Just hold on..."

And those where the last words that Faye heard before she sank into pained oblivion. If pain could be described in color, then she was sure it would look like this. Vibrant reds, electric blues, neon greens, and blinding yellows assaulted her senses and numbed her mind. What had she gotten herself into? What had she done? As she sunk deeper into that tortured rainbow, though, her thoughts all but ceased. And then there was black.

* * *

**so, crazy enough yet? what's gonna happen to faye and the baby? well, we'll just have to wait and see...**

**phoenix**


	4. Just Listen To Me

**a/n: so, i guess you guys saw just how crazy things got last chapter, huh? well, it's just one big, crazy rollercoaster for the next while, so i hope you're strapped in tight!**

4. Just Listen To Me

**

* * *

**

Opening her eyes wasn't an option just yet, but Faye's ears overcompensated and took in her surroundings. To her left, she could hear a steady beep. To her right, if she strained, she was sure that she could hear a static drip. To the far side of the room, somewhere close to the middle, the sounds of ruffling caught her attention. It wasn't too hard figure that someone was in the room, but to decipher who it was would take a little more time. 

Not wanting to exude the effort, or simply still tired from her hazy ordeal, Faye shut her ears off and relaxed back into her bed. Lifting a hand from her side, none too aware of the poking sensation in her arm, Faye reflexively rested her hand on her swelling tummy, only to freeze when her bump was not in place.

Looking up from his seat by the window, Spike watched Faye as she desperately fumbled around her midsection. Heaving a sigh and standing with a heavy heart, he went over to her to explain things as best he could. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and tried his best to force a smile as her eyes landed on his.

"Spike, what's going on? I…I can't find the baby! What…what happened to the baby? I…I don't know why I can't feel it!"

He didn't know what to say to her in that moment. He knew what he _had_ to say, but he didn't know how to say it. How was he supposed to tell her this? How was he supposed to dash her dream?

"Faye…Faye, stop. Stop it and just listen to me."

Upon hearing his voice, easily noting his grated and weary tone, Faye ceased her flailing and glanced up at Spike.

"I…I'm sorry, Faye…you were stabbed kinda under the belly, and that's where the baby was laying, and the knife was so long and –"

"Spike…please, don't say it. I…it can't be..." Faye pleaded with him. If he didn't say it, then it wouldn't be true. All she had to do was stop him from saying those fatal words.

"And you lost so much blood yourself, and even though those shit doctors said they did all that they could –"

"I don't want to hear it!" Faye practically shouted as tears streamed down her face.

"And…and though they could save you, they couldn't…they couldn't…" Spike had to stop himself. He tried to force the words out, but the momentous lump in his throat simply wouldn't let him. Swallowing as best he could, and turning his eyes away from hers, he finally uttered what he dreaded to say.

"The baby's dead, Faye."

He didn't look at her. Truthfully, he couldn't. He listened to her cry, he listened to her scream, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her. She rose up on her knees, practically ripping the I.V.'s out of her arm, and pounded on his chest. He could have easily stopped her, but he didn't have the heart to try.

He heard her yell at him, he heard her cry out 'why', but he couldn't answer her. He didn't have any answers to give, anyway. Reluctantly, Spike sat down on the stiff hospital bed, and pulled Faye into his arms. Tears quickly seeped through his old, yellow shirt, but he didn't care. She shook violently, he noted; the sobs almost too much for her traumatized body to handle.

Spike stroked Faye's hair and back, trying to calm her, but knowing that he couldn't. He kissed her forehead and then tucked her head under his chin. He didn't know how long she would cry, and he didn't really care. He'd sit there as long as he'd have to, he'd hold her as long as she allowed. It was the least that he could do for her. It was the least that he could do for his self. Refusing to shed the tears behind his own eyes, Spike held on to her, as tight as he dared.

* * *

It had taken nearly three hours for Faye to calm down and fall back asleep. And that only happened after the nurse had administered something to her. The room was now dark, save for the light on above Faye's bed. Spike stared down at her, not at all surprised by her fussy sleep. Not venturing to wake her, though, Spike looked towards the door as he heard it open. 

"She doin' alright?" Asked a hesitant Jet as he peered into the room.

"She's finally asleep, if that's what you mean," Spike answered, fatigue evident in his voice.

Not straying from his spot at the door, Jet looked on with a conscious weighed down my guilt. This was all his fault and he had to face that. If he hadn't let Faye go, if had just listened to Spike, then Faye wouldn't be here, and their child wouldn't be dead.

Spike studied the look on Jet's face and easily recognized it as a look he'd seen on his own face more than once. Glancing back at Faye one more time, and deciding that it'd be best to leave her be for a while, Spike turned to Jet.

"You wanna go grab a drink?" Spike offered. "Non-alcoholic for me, of course."

Neither wanting to answer, nor daring to deny, Jet nodded his head and followed Spike quietly out of the hospital. They ended up at a little bar a block away. They were close enough to get back in a hurry, but far enough away to feel less oppressed. Sitting at the bar, Spike ordered up another cola on ice, while Jet opted for something a bit stronger: a gin and tonic.

Spike swigged at his liquid, unaware of how thirsty he was until that moment, while Jet all but chugged what was in his glass. Setting the tumbler down with a dull clunk, Jet tapped the bar, signaling for another. Both men sat in a semi-awkward state of shock.

It had been a long night, yet it had all flown by so quickly. Faye had been stabbed around 6:30 in the evening. They arrived at the hospital by 7, which was entirely too long in Spike's mind. Faye was rushed into emergency surgery by 7:10, and she had coded by 7:30. The doctor had then come out to talk to Spike and Jet, telling them that Faye had been stabbed twice, actually. Once under her belly and once in her Femoral Artery, one of the body's biggest. She had lost so much blood in such a short amount of time, the doctor was actually surprised that she was still alive.

"A cut to the Femoral," the doctor had said, "is worse than a cut to the Jugular, and ten times as deadly."

Not exactly comforting words, but at least she was still alive. By 7:50, Faye had been deemed stable, but the baby was another story. By 8:00, the baby was dead. Once more, Faye was back in surgery, this time to remove the fetus of what would have been a bouncing baby boy. By 8:30, Faye had been sewn up, drugged up, and moved into her room. And by 9:30, Faye's world had been shattered, and all Spike could do was watch as she cried.

* * *

Spike glanced at the clock on the bar's wall and groaned as it struck one a.m. Pulling two cigarettes from his coat pocket, Spike stuck them in his mouth and lit them up. Passing one to Jet, he inhaled deeply and thanked God for nicotine. Sparing a glance at his partner as he downed his third glass, Spike exhaled and broke the uncomfortable silence. 

"This isn't your fault, Jet," Spike's voice cut through the smoke.

Jerking his head to take a look at the man, Jet stared at him wide-eyed, though Spike never looked his way.

"You know that's not true, Spike," Jet conceded. "I was the one who broke down and okayed her to do this."

"That doesn't make it your fault, though."

"Yeah, it does," Jet stated firmly. "You had a bad feeling about all of this, and I should have respected that. I didn't and now this has happened."

"The thing is," Spike started, intent on seeing this through, "_I_ was worried about her, and that's why I wouldn't let her go. _You_ were worried about her, so you decided to let her go. Faye was worried about _us_ being worried, and that's why _she_ decided to go. And if that backward logic makes any sense, then things should have cancelled out, and Faye should have been fine. But she isn't, because that's not how things work in this world.

"But I don't blame you for this. It honestly could have happened at anytime. Hell, she could have been stabbed by some crazy lady in a grocery store. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you can't beat yourself up for things you had no hand in. Trust me on that one. If I had have pulled my head outta my sorry ass a long time ago, who fuckin' knows how many kids I could have had Faye pop out by now."

That brought a sad smile to Jet's face, that Spike Spiegel raunchy humor.

"I'll never hold this above you, Jet; you've been way too good to me for me to be that way to you. As far as I'm concerned, it's all in the past now, and I tend to not go chasing pasts anymore. Faye won't blame you, either. If anything, she'll blame herself. If that's the case, then we're _both_ gonna have to break her of that. We both need you, Jet, so don't go flaking out on us, on account of you thinking you're guilty of something you didn't do."

Jet mulled over Spike's words, amazed that for the first time in their tumultuous relationship, Spike was the one giving the pep talk. He had listened carefully to his comrade's words, scanning closely for any signs of malice, anger, or falsity. He came up with none of that, though. It seemed as if Spike really meant what he said. Setting down his glass, his fifth refill of the night, Jet pushed away his drink, he thirst for liquor suddenly quenched. Daring a glance to his left, Jet was met with the sorrowful smile that adorned his partner's face. Returning the smile, Jet ran a metal hand over the balding spot on his head.

"However, if you keep doing _that_, you'll be bald in no time flat," Spike joked. "And I _will_ blame you solely for that."

Sharing appreciative smirks and feeling slightly lighter-hearted, Jet and Spike finished their cigs and headed back to Faye.

* * *

**sad, no? well, i guess you see where part of the title comes from, eh? what will happen next? we'll just have to wait and see. thanks for stopping by!**

**phoenix**


	5. Slipped Away

**a/n: so, i'm writing this particular author's note to inform you that there will be (gasp), a lemon in here. yes, that's right...sexual content. now, i'm a bit nervous, seeing as though this is my first public foray into the subject, so please keep that in mind. however, said citrus isn't as sexy as it sounds. perhaps we need justin timberlake to bring sexy back? sorry, lame, lame joke. just read the chapter...**

5. Slipped Away

**

* * *

**

Four days later, despite Spike insisting that she should stay another, Faye was released from the hospital. Arriving back on the Bebop, and actually glad to be there, Faye was led to her room, with Spike's help, and put in bed. If it where up to her, she would have hit the kitchen first, but the men on the ship weren't going to ease up on her so soon.

As Spike unpacked her stuff, which had grown into quite a bit over her four day stay, Ed came twirling into the room, a glass of water precariously balanced on her head. Jet strode in behind her, carefully removing the glass before it crashed to the floor.

"Is Faye-Faye all better, now?" Ed asked as she spun some more.

"Yes, Ed, I feel fine."

At her answer, Ed zoomed over to Faye and glanced her over. It was a habit of the girl's, inspecting you after a bout of absence. Upon arriving at Faye's abdomen, Ed stopped and jerked her head back up.

"Faye-Faye's tummy isn't big anymore. Does that mean that the baby is ready!" She asked with growing excitement. "Where is it? Where's your baby?"

The adults in the room all exchanged nervous glances. Spike and Jet looked at each other first, then looked to Faye to see how she reacted. Faye's eyed had flittered towards Spike's as she tried to tell him that she didn't want to answer.

"Um, come on, Ed. Faye needs to get some rest," Jet said to her, as he put a hand on Ed's shoulder.

"But what about the baby?"

"There's no baby, anymore," Jet gently said. He gave Ed a look that told her not to press any further, and the girl simply nodded in agreement as he lead her out of the room.

Now, Faye and Spike where left alone. The silence was, to say the least, deafening. She wanted him to say something, yet he didn't know what to say. He finished tossing her things into the closet and drawers, and then turned back to her. They stared at each other for several minutes, neither moving nor barely breathing.

"You should drink your water," Spike's voice cut through the quiet.

Again, the two just stared at each other. Finally looking away, Faye sighed at the situation she found herself in. What had she expected from him, anyway? For all she knew, he didn't give a damn about her or the baby. Or at least that's how he was acting. In truth, she knew that was a lie (or at least she hoped), but at the moment, why didn't he know that she needed him?

"Is that all you can say to me right now?" She asked.

"What do you want from me?" He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, I dunno. I guess I just thought it'd be nice if my _boyfriend_ would be so kind as to comfort me after the loss of our child!" She shouted, unsure of where her anger was coming from.

"I thought that that's what I was doing for the last four days! Christ, Faye, how much more comforting do you need?"

"God, Spike, I was unaware that I had a specific time frame for grieving," Faye shouted in return as she pushed herself up from her bed.

"Just get over it already! It happened, it was bad, and now it's over. Let it go and leave it in the past. And sit the fuck back down, you know your stitches are still fresh!"

Huffing in his direction, Faye reluctantly eased back down onto the bed and turned her head away from him. It only took a matter of moments for the tears to stream down her face once more. Why was he doing this? Why didn't he feel the pain, too?

"Jesus, Faye," he breathed as he walked over to her. He pulled her into his arms, noting that she tensed at his touch, and stroked her back the way he had in the hospital. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just…we gotta move on, Faye. It was a shitty thing that happened, but we can't dwell on that."

"But it was our baby, Spike," she choked out.

"It's not like we can't make another one," Spike said honestly, perhaps too honestly.

Faye processed the man's words, and let them sink in. She began to steel herself against him, then, understanding that she would get no more comfort from him. He was all comforted out, most likely, and this was something he wanted to get away from. If she got him as well as she thought she did, then Faye figured that Spike saw the loss of the baby as a failure. And when he failed, he tended to move on from that situation as fast as possible.

Perhaps for herself, but mostly for him, Faye decided to drop the subject in that moment. If Spike wanted to forget about things, then so would she. She had a bad habit of loving him, and to preserve what they still had, she decided to give up the pain that she still felt. And all for him.

"I'm sorry, Spike," she said into his chest. "I guess…I guess I was just overreacting. You're right, we should just move on."

Spike nodded at her as Faye pushed herself out of his arms. He wasn't positive what brought on the change, but he was secretly thankful for it. The less they dealt with this situation, the better. Spike knew all too well the pitfalls of dwelling on the past, and he wasn't going to let Faye fall into a rut like that. Maybe he shouldn't have believed in his warped ways so much, though.

"You should get some rest. Doctor's orders, after all," Spike told her.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Will…will you stay with me?"

"I've got something I need to do," Spike said to her rather quickly.

"Oh…okay," she said, feeling rejected. But deciding to leave things as they were, she nodded to him and smiled.

Spike then kissed her softly on the lips, but cut the contact all too fast. Throwing her one more glance as he headed out the door, he smiled back at her, and then left her to herself.

* * *

Spike wandered around the Bebop for a little while, not really trying to go any place. He admired the metal walls, the grooved floors; anything to keep his mind off of the present situation. It wasn't that he wasn't upset about the loss of his child, it was just that it was easier to move on. He didn't stop to think if he was going about this all wrong, but then again, Spike wasn't prone to stop and think about anything he did. 

Winding up in the common room once again, Spike flopped down on his favorite spot on the old, yellow couch, and ran a hand over his face. Eyeing a pack of cigs on the table in front of him, Spike reached out and scooped up the pack. Shoving a cigarette into his mouth and lighting it with the lighter he found in the cushions, he didn't hesitate to inhale a long, deep breath.

Funny thing, smoking. When he thought about it, seeing as it was the safest thing _to_ think about, he was almost amazed by how the simple mix of smoke and paper could soothe his frazzled nerves. The nicotine haze seeped into his clothes, his hair, and marked him with a scent all its own. The end of the cig fumed a fiery-red. Not the most poetic allusion once could make, but it was the only way he could describe it.

In the back of his mind, he knew he should stop smoking. As so many medical mumbo-jumbo stories had said, smoking would ruin his lungs, etc. His heart was banged up by the heroin, and he logically stopped that. His liver was knocked around by the alcohol, so he smartly stopped that, too. But he couldn't stop smoking, not just yet. It was his first grown-up addiction, the first thing he couldn't put down. To turn his back on such a loyal friend would be blasphemous. Maybe, in time, he could wean himself, but for now, he'd just leave this habit be.

* * *

"I thought you'd be with Faye," Spike heard Jet say from behind him as he entered the room. 

Spike didn't answer the older man, though, just exhaled the fog from his insides.

"I explained things to Ed, and she understood better than I thought she would. But then again, we're always underestimating her. She really _is_ a smart girl, when you get down to it."

Spike nodded his head in accordance, but still didn't offer to chime in.

"She knows it's not a subject to be brought up, and I trust that she won't. She may hide it well, but Ed knows about pain, and she knows how to keep things to herself. She's a real funny kid, but then again, how else could she be."

Dashing the dying embers of his finished cigarette in the ashtray in front of him, Spike sat back in the couch and stared at the slowly rotating fan.

"You can't ignore her, Spike," Jet said after a few seconds of silence. "Now that she's home, it'll be a lot easier to stay away from each other. That's not what you want. Is it?"

"No," Spike spoke up, exasperated. "You know that, so don't ask me dumb questions."

"Then what _do_ you want?" Jet prodded his finally talking friend

"I want for this to all go away," Spike sighed almost wistfully to Jet.

Jet eyed the man on the couch, sighing dismally at his apathy. Rising from the chair he hadn't realized he sat in, Jet turned away from him and headed towards the kitchen.

"This won't just go away, Spike, so don't sweep it under the rug. If you do, then this will come back to haunt you in the worse way possible. And that's a bad feeling that _I_ have. I know I didn't respect your hunch, but perhaps you will, mine."

Pausing for a response, but getting nothing more than a yawn, Jet continued on his way.

"Dinner should be ready in about an hour. Same as always, bell peppers and beef."

* * *

Faye didn't show up for dinner that night. She didn't appear for leftovers the next night, either. She had opted to stay in her room and rest. Truthfully, she simply wanted to cry in private. Sure, she'd give up her pain when Spike was around, but when he wasn't, she was free to feel. And that's all she got to do for the two days she stayed in her room. It was Jet who had brought her food, and it was Ed who had kept her company. She hadn't seen Spike, though. For a few moments, Faye thought he had snuck in to watch her sleep, but when she looked over, he wasn't there. 

Faye wanted an explanation for Spike's avoidance of her, but she also wanted to avoid a fight at all cost. And to question him would surely lead to one. By the third day of her self-imposed room stay, Faye finally ventured out into the Bebop again. She emerged around one in the afternoon, a slight pang of hunger rousing her. Her first stop, however, was the shower.

After a hot wash, Faye dressed in a pair of hospital scrubs ("borrowed" from the hospital, of course), and let her damp hair hang around her loosely. Heading into the kitchen, Faye quickly side-stepped to avoid being crashed into by the Ed Express. Lately, Edward had taken to trains, instead of her trademark airplane zooms. Following at the girl's heels, as always, was a yipping Ein, who passively regarded Faye as he ran by.

Chuckling to herself, finding some sort of pleasure in Ed's antics, Faye rounded the corner and entered her destination. Arriving in front of the fridge, Faye pulled the door open and frowned a bit when she saw that it was bare.

"Big surprise," she muttered as she closed the door again.

Taking a trip to the cupboards, Faye groaned at the emptiness she found there, too.

"We really have to find a better way to keep the kitchen filled," she grumbled once again.

"If you want the kitchen full, then you have to have money. And if you want money, you gotta work," Jet said from behind her.

"You're not hinting at me, are you?" Faye lightly smiled as she turned to greet him.

"No, not at all," was his very sarcastic reply.

The two hunters shared respectful stares as Jet tried to gauge whether his words were crossing the line, hitting too close to home. When Faye threw as dish towel at him, he knew it was alright.

"If you want anything special, I think I can make you something," Jet told her as he watched her take a seat.

"You don't have to walk on eggshells, Jet, really. And you don't have to treat me differently, either."

"I didn't plan on it, you know that's not my way," he smirked. "But I'm feeling more generous than usual, and I got a couple of woolongs stashed away."

"'Jet's Rainy Day Fund' again?" She smiled.

"Yeah. With the rift-rafts I let on my ship, I need a back-up more often then not."

"Well, at least I'm a cute rift-raft," Faye smirked back. "Well, I guess I _could_ go for a nice, juicy steak, if you can afford it."

"I thought ladies didn't eat steak."

"Ah, but you've told me on many an occasion, that I am no lady."

"Ha, fair enough. Steak it is."

Jet gave her a parting smile, and left Faye alone in the kitchen. She looked around the barren room and decided to exit as well. Heading for the common room, the place where everyone seemed to end up, Faye gladly deposited her still tired body on everyone's favorite yellow couch. And speaking of "everyone", Faye's heart skipped a nervous beat as she saw Spike walk in, fresh from a workout.

"Me and the kid are goin' to the store," Jet addressed Spike as he slumped onto the coffee table.

"What are you going for," Spike asked as he ran a corner of his towel over his forehead.

"Gotta eat something tonight," was Jet's casual reply.

"Get me a pack of smokes, will ya?"

"I don't take requests," the older man said as he headed out the door. Stepping out of the way, Jet watched as the Ed Express choo-choo'ed by, Ein acting as the caboose. "And try not to kill each other while we're out."

With that, Jet closed the door and left Spike and Faye to themselves. It was the first time in over two days that the two of them where alone together. With his back turned towards her, Faye watched Spike's hunched form. The tight muscles in his back flexed and relaxed with every little move he made. If they were under normal circumstances, Faye would have offered Spike an after workout massage, which would lead to a workout of another kind. But this was anything but normal.

Spike, meanwhile, sat with his elbows on his knees, desperately wishing for a cigarette. A part of him waited for Faye to come over and run her slender hands over his exposed flesh, raising goose bumps along the way, but the most of him knew that she wouldn't dare approach him at the moment. He struggled with the choice of speaking or simply leaving, but opted for the former. He _had_ been ignoring her. The least he could do was strike up casual conversation.

"Good to see you up."

"Huh?" Faye gasped, caught off guard by his sudden remark. "Oh, yeah…me, too."

"So, what's Jet going to the store to get? More beef for the bell peppers," he tried to joke.

"I think he's actually going to cook a real meal tonight," Faye told him.

For a few minutes, neither of them said a word. They were still too deep into theirs own funks to know how to respond to one another. But when you really looked at things, Spike and Faye _never_ knew how to talk to each other. There was usually a lot of yelling and a lot of shouting, and without that, they sometimes didn't know what to do.

"I was thinking," Faye started, a seemingly forced perkiness in her voice. "It's a good thing we aren't having a kid, after all. I mean, we have a hard enough time keeping food in the kitchen, anyway. While I can survive on dog food, I don't think a baby can."

Faye continued to ramble off her thoughtless prattle, unaware of Spike's tensing form.

"God, Spike," she continued, "what in the hell were we _thinking_? We could never feed a child, let alone _raise_ one!"

Faye laughed at her revelations, thinking that Spike would agree and join in with her at any second. That wasn't what she got, however. Instead of Spike turning to her with a grin, he rocketed off of the table, barely restrained anger in his features.

"What the fuck kind of joke is that!"

"What? What in the hell is your problem?" Faye asked him, shocked by his demeanor.

"Our fucking baby was _killed_, Faye! I don't think that's something to laugh at! I really wonder what goes on it that freeze-dried skull of yours, sometimes. I didn't know that all this kid was to you was one giant punch line. If that's the case, though, then maybe it's a good thing that the kids' gone, after all!"

That did it for Faye. What in the hell was wrong with this man? First, _he's_ the one who acts as if nothing's happening, then he disregards any mention of her for two days, and then _this_?

"You're out of your goddamn mind, Spiegel! How dare you tell _me_ something like that! I'm not the one who's walking around here, trying to forget! You're always trying to forget shit, never thinking of who you're hurting!"

"Who _I'm_ hurting! You're no saint, yourself, Valentine!"

"What in the hell have _I _done!"

"I don't have to explain to you," he shouted back, unable to come up with a real answer. "At least I don't go around, joking about our dead baby!"

"Well, at least I act like the baby ever existed!"

Furious and fuming, the feuding adults glared daggers at each other, both daring the other one to speak. Faye hated Spike in that moment. Of all the things to insinuate, of all the things to say, he had the nerve to try and say that she didn't care about the life that had been growing inside of her. If that was the case, then she wouldn't have locked herself in her room for two days. If that was the case, then she wouldn't have cried for three days straight. If that was the case, then she wouldn't be crying right now.

Aware of the moisture streaming down her face, Faye turned away from Spike, not ashamed, but overwhelmed with the influx of emotions. Straightening her form from 'anger stance' to 'I give up', Faye fluidly turned around and walked away from him.

"You know, sometimes I really, _really_ hate you, Spike," she said as she shuffled away.

Once again, something snapped in Spike. He would take a lot from Faye, so he learned over the time he'd been around her, but now that she was his, he would never accept the words she just said. Hurrying after her, he was determined to set her straight.

* * *

Faye's door was almost closed when Spike easily pushed it open again. With emotions running ragged and amuck, he slammed the door shut behind him and pinned her with a look. 

"Take it back, Faye!"

"Take _what_ back," she spit at him, not at all deterred by his scowl.

"Take back what you just said!"

"Take back what _you_ said!"

Not up for a game of run around, Spike approached Faye, and without breaking stride, he landed a bruising kiss upon her lips. She struggled for a moment, trying to get him off of her, but he easily overpowered her, and crushed her to him. Faye wasn't about to let him get the upper hand, though.

"You're _mine,_ Faye, and I'll prove that to you right now to make my point," he ground out.

"I'm not yours or anyone's," was Faye's response. "I only let you _think_ that you can own me."

Spurred on by her defiance, or his inability to reign in what he felt, Spike almost violently shoved her into the door and kissed her again. He had her trapped between steel and himself, foolishly thinking that she'd submit so quickly. In the dim light of her room, shadows played across Faye's face, giving her a look that alternated between anger and lust. His large hands were splayed on either side of her head and his knee was situated roughly between her legs. A moan was successfully wrenched from her throat, and Spike was positive, then, that'd he'd possess her once more.

Dropping his hands from the door, Spike wasted no time in untying the hospital pants that where around her once again slender waist. Hearing the pants land with a light thump on the floor, Spike brought his hands to the bottom of Faye's shirt, preparing to take it off of her.

But Faye was going to do her best to keep him from winning. She smacked his hands away from her shirt and pushed him off of her. Still in defense mode, she turned around and pulled her door open. Spike was faster, though, and slammed the door shut again. Dragging her from the doorway, he claimed her lips once again as he stopped in the middle of her room.

Not wasting any more time, he stripped her of her shirt, pleased with the dazing look on her face. Kissing her again, making sure to drug her with himself as fast as possible, Spike trailed a hand down from her head to her bare breast, taking one into his warm palm. Smirking at the sound she made, something between pleasure and irritation, Spike none too delicately rolled her flesh and tweaked her hardening peak.

Chancing the recession of his brutal charm, Spike tracked fiery kisses from her mouth down to the neglected nipple on the other side. Lavishing teeth-born suckles upon her, he felt Faye's knees weaken. In the very back, almost barren place in his mind, Spike wondered if he was going about things all wrong. Was he being too rough? Was he pushing her too soon? Was he pushing _himself_ too soon? But when Faye's fingers lodged almost painfully in his hair, Spike was brought back to this reality, and continued on his way.

Sinking down to his knees, Spike pulled back his attack on her body and placed soft kisses on the scar now marring her stomach. Stopping momentarily, he rested his head on her empty belly, and felt tears prick his eyes as he began to forget how his baby felt.

"Spike…" Faye breathed, her voice a mix of passion, concern, and waning anger.

Pushing away from her and standing, Spike turned his back to her. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. What was he doing? This was definitely no way to treat the woman behind him, but if he tried, he could still find justification in his actions. He heard her moving behind him, but made no move to acknowledge her. He tensed slightly as her hands moved around his chest, the feel of her bare upper body against his back easing him in familiarity.

"You know I didn't mean it, Spike," she said just above a whisper. "I…I'm just frustrated and upset, and I think I'm still ruled by emotions, and not the other way around."

Not making an effort to face to her, but not pulling away either, Spike lowered his arms and leaned into her.

"I'm sorry, too," was all he said. He couldn't muster a better apology at the moment, so that's all that he could offer. He hoped it would be enough.

Faye placed a kiss just above his right shoulder, trying to say that she forgave him. Feeling him begin to move, Faye loosened her grip and watched him turn to her. His face had softened significantly, and she could now easily see the pain in his eyes. But she knew he'd never talk about it, at least not now. That was her cowboy's biggest fatal flaw, his inability to talk. As he kissed her though, gently this time, she submitted to him and let the talking slide.

Breaking their lips apart, Spike went to Faye's bed, her hand in his. As he sat on the edge, he removed her panties, the only bit of her clothing left, and kissed the flesh that lay underneath. Her scent, strong with arousal, tickled his noise and piqued his interest. Rising up and switching their places, Spike quickly rid himself of his sweat pants and boxers, glad that he had on so little.

Bending down to kiss her again, Spike lay her on the bed as he crawled over her. Deepening their kiss for the first time that night, Spike easily passed her responsive lips and lazily rolled his tongue against hers. Making good use of his hands, the hands she enjoyed time and time again, he stroked the parts of her flesh that always made her squirm.

Taking the well known path down her stomach and further down, Spike had no trouble parting her slender legs and discovering how ready she was. Dipping into her moisture, Spike dragged a long finger up and down her slit. A steady stream of moans and gasps passed her lips when not occupied by his, arousing Spike like always, but pulling at something more.

Bringing both hands up and running them along Faye's arms, Spike secured her wrists above her head as he slowly slid into her. The thought passed his mind about how easily she caved in, but dismissed it as he rocked into her. Something was wrong about the moment, though; something was so very off, but to stop would be to admit that, and Spike wasn't ready for that.

Sounds of pleasure, despite how hollow that sound, still poured from Faye's red-kissed lips, spurring on Spike's movements. No, this wasn't the way things were supposed to be between them. When Spike took her, the whole damn dock was liable to know, but tonight, she was…almost empty. She was simply going through motions, nothing more. But so was he, so who was he to judge.

By now, Spike emitted intermitten grunts of his own, feeling the build-up of tension, an actually looking for release. He just wanted this to be over and done with, and from the vacant expression on her face, so did Faye. He frowned slightly when he noticed that she wasn't looking at him. That was something that they always strove for: eye contact. It made the experience all the more intense. But they obviously didn't want intensity tonight. They obviously didn't now what they wanted at all.

Faye was the first to feel it, and Spike followed her not long after. As their once pleasurable shudders subsided, Spike stayed within her for a few moments more. He couldn't shake the feeling that this would be the last time for a long time that he felt her this way.

Slipping out of her and falling by her side, Spike closed his eyes and listened to her roll away from him. What was happening to them in that moment? Was it really _just_ the loss of a baby that was doing this to them? Maybe they simply weren't supposed to be together. Or maybe…Christ, they didn't know.

Once done with their task, Faye turned from Spike. She pulled the ruffled covers over her body, more than a little self-conscious now about her deflated midsection. What she had felt tonight wasn't Spike, it wasn't the man she loved. But then again, she wasn't Faye at the moment, she wasn't the woman _he_ loved. In such a swift, tragic moment, her life had changed, and so had his. The way they dealt with that change, however, was drastically different from one to the other.

He wouldn't cry, and she wouldn't scream. It was the deal that they had just struck in that carnal act of personal damnation. Holding back tears and realizing that they were losing each other, Faye prayed hard for Spike to leave. When he didn't, she thanked God that he stayed.

* * *

**see? not so sexy, right? well, who knows what gonna happen next. only time will tell. so for now, thanks for stopping by!**

**phoenix**


	6. Midnight Crows and Ice Cream Woes

**a/n: remember how things ended last chapter? well, that's where we're picking things up again. why? eh, why not. oh, and a very pivotal, i guess you could call it a twist, develops in the plot. and if you think it's going to be a good twist, then sorry. can't have things getting better yet, now can we? and it gets kinda prose heavy, but i think it's totally worth the read. it gives insight and all that jazz. **

**and good grief. six chapters in, and i'm _now_ just remembering to do this. i absolutely do not own cowboy bebop. that honor goes to mr. watanabe and his staff. there, i've gotten that out of the way. **

6. Midnight Crows and Ice Cream Woes**

* * *

**

They both heard Ed burst into the ship, followed by a bellowing Jet and a yipping Ein, but neither adult moved from their place. For a moment, they thought they heard the doorknob jiggle, and Spike silently cursed his self for not locking it. But the door never opened, so perhaps they were just hearing things. It was for the best, though, since neither bothered to cover whatever bits of flesh that were exposed. 

Several minutes later, the enticing smell of cooking meat wafted through the air vents and floated into the dim room. It was enough to make any hungry man drool, and both of their stomachs growled in unison. But still, neither shifted from their spot. With no movement other than their breathing, it was almost as if they were _afraid_ to move. If they did, then what was left of them just might break. And they weren't ready for that.

"I know you're both in there, and that's why I'm not opening this door," Jet shouted as he pounded on said door. "But dinner is ready and I don't feel like waiting. So get your asses out here fast!"

Sighs escaped both of their mouths and Spike was the first to move. Rolling up into a sitting position, he stayed that way for a moment, and simply stared at his hands. Hands that had roughly attacked the woman at his side, hands that had also caressed her in kind; hands that had felt her breaking, and himself as well. Shaking himself and continuing out of the bed, Spike located his sparse clothing and wiggled his body into them. A rustling was heard behind him as Faye finally pushed herself up as well.

For a minute, Spike thought about heading for a shower. He had meant to take one after working out, but things didn't pan out that way. He needed one now more than before, but he was too hungry and too lazy to do so. Faye's thoughts were similar as she found that she was also too lazy, having just taken a bath a couple of hours earlier. But she also opted to shower later, only if to smell like him for a little while longer.

Glancing back to make sure Faye was dressed, Spike opened the door and headed out towards the common room. Letting a good thirty seconds pass by, Faye followed his lead. At the dinner table, aka, the coffee table, four plates where set out, filled with steak, potatoes and green beans, just waiting to be eaten. As she sat down to her food, Faye suddenly lost her appetite. It was a pity, too, considering she was the one who wanted the steak in the first place.

* * *

"I'm heading out. I'll be back eventually," Spike announced to the Bebop as he closed the door behind him. 

Jet poked his head out of the kitchen, a dirty plate in hand, wondering once more where Spike was going. It was the seventh time in two weeks that the increasingly irritable man had disappeared for hours on end. Jet had no clue as to what was going on, but he suspected that it arouse from whatever happened that afternoon while he and Ed where at the store. There was just something about his and Faye's demeanors that seemed off. If he felt up to snooping, Jet was sure he could figure it out, but laziness was becoming an epidemic on the Bebop, and it seemed that everyone was catching it.

Wandering off after the dishes were done, Jet took a seat on the couch and lit up. For a moment after he inhaled, he panicked over thoughts of second hand smoke, but then sadly remembered that that wasn't a problem anymore. Staring aimlessly at the slowly rotating fan, Jet sighed out smoke and closed his eyes. He strained to listen for Ed and the mutt for a few minutes, but inevitably gave up on the task. Knowing that kid, she was probably slithering in the air ducts, or picking around the attic again.

Letting his mind wander, Jet thought about the silence, and felt mix emotions in its wake. He had been preparing himself for the cries of a newborn, knowing that any spawn of Spike and Faye would inevitably be a noisy creation, to say the least. But he didn't have to worry about that, now. He wasn't saying, or thinking in this case, that they wouldn't have another go at this parent thing, but it would be a while yet, considering that Faye and Spike where having trouble even being around one another right now.

Finishing off the remnants of his cigarette, Jet's ears picked up the light taps of Faye's bare feet, and waited for the woman to make her entrance. Coming around the couch and taking a seat next to the man, Faye rested her head on the cushions and gave a needy sigh. Not glancing at her, but picking up his pack of cigs, Jet offered one to her, only to have her wave them away.

"I guess it's hard to get back into those so soon," she told him. "I know it's been three weeks since…but I just don't get cravings anymore. Funny, huh?"

Jet didn't answer, but simply grunted in response. He leaned back into his spot and waited for her to start again.

"I guess you don't know where he went to this time, do you?"

"I never do," Jet finally spoke.

"Where do you think he goes?" She asked innocently enough.

"I dunno. What time does he get in?"

"…I dunno. We tend to not share a room anymore," Faye whispered, almost ashamed to say it.

"…I didn't know. Sorry."

"It's not your fault. Things are just…tense between us right now. He's upset about things, and so am I and we deal with it differently. He'll come around. His stupid lunkhead always does eventually."

Jet nodded his head, but didn't believe a word that she had said. If anything, this "thing" that Spike and Faye were dealing with, where breaking them apart in more ways then one. Jet hardly ever saw said man anymore, and when he did, he always seemed washed out, almost like he'd been crying only moments before. But tears weren't a Spike specialty, so Jet didn't quite buy that thought. At first, Jet had thought that Spike had relapsed, which actually scared him quite a bit, but the tell-tale signs thankfully weren't there.

Faye, on the other hand, was almost always close to tears. Or at least when her counterpart wasn't around. Truthfully, Jet was actually becoming accustomed to her this way, which wasn't good at all. Faye needed to get away from whatever kept her tied to her pain, but Jet couldn't dare tell her that. Though it may have been his place to do so, he had no clue as to how to say it to her. He figured he'd let her grieve a bit longer before he'd open his mouth about that.

"If the kid ever comes out of hiding, I was gonna take her out for ice cream. You want to come?"

"Don't you think it's a little late to give Ed ice cream? It _is_ almost 10:30," Faye quipped as Jet broke the silence of their thoughts.

"I never said I was good at this."

Faye mulled over Jet's words and smiled at the man. Papa Jet, whether he wanted to be deemed that or not, always knew how to make her smile. It was a gift, she suspected, that he learned while he was still a cop. But the recognition of that fact was probably why she still didn't always get along with him.

"Yeah, I think I'll tag along. Just as long as you're footing the bill, of course."

* * *

The Midnight Crow was one of those bars that helped to wash away the troubles of your day. The atmosphere was relaxed and the patrons were friendly, or as friendly as they could fake it. Smoke from cigarettes and candles entangled together, creating that hazy feeling that your soul could get lost in. The lights were dim and the color of cobalt radiated throughout the building. Doubling as a club as well, a blues band played on in the background, the simple melody bringing everything together. 

Sitting near the band, but more off towards the side, Spike reclined in the shadows and ran a finger around the rim of his glass. He opted for ginger ale tonight, seeing as he was trying his best to stay sober. One would think that a bar wouldn't be the place for a recovering, occasional alcoholic, but it worked for Spike. The smell of liquor was enough for him. He didn't need to taste it to remember how it felt when it slid down his throat. And for all of the problems that he had right now, he didn't need to toss a beer into the mix.

Bringing the glass to his lips, Spike took a sip of the bubbly liquid and jerked back slightly as the bubbles tickled his nose. Sighing impatiently as he put his head in his hands, Spike wondered why it was that he was so antsy. He figured he just wanted to go back to the way things were. Back before Gary and babies and addictions and Faye. He imagined he could have been quite content with his life if he just hadn't have fallen for her.

It wasn't the first time that Spike had rethought his relationship with the woman, but it was the first time that he actually began to agree with his ridiculous apprehensions. Sitting back in his chair, Spike didn't deny his fears anymore, basically because all of his fears had come true. He wasn't going to be a good father, simply because he wasn't going to be a father at all. He had failed to protect his child, and he had failed to protect Faye, and in his mind, that meant he had failed as a man.

Those weren't feelings that he was used to, and he'd prefer to never feel them again. When Julia died, he should have given up on love and all of that then. But no, he had to try again. He didn't understand why he thought that he deserved another chance at that. Faye did that to him, though. She made him believe that he was a better man then he really was, she made him think that he deserved to be happy. But he knew that was so very far from the truth.

He had killed people for the pettiest of reasons, and he had stolen and cheated and lied like a snake. He was no good from the day he was born, and he'd die no good, despite what the people in his life wanted him to think. Spike knew what he was and he knew that there would be no redemption for him in this life. Maybe if he had died again, he would have had a better chance at that. He was quickly wearing out his third life though, and he was sure that he wouldn't get a chance at another, not that he really wanted one anyway.

Taking another sip of his drink, Spike gingerly shook his head and had to wonder what had gotten into him. A beautiful woman had told him he was worth it, and like a love sick fool, he had believed her. But he wasn't worth it, she should have just let him die. The woman had a bad habit of holding on to what was never hers, though. Many times he had thanked her for that, yet in the end, he realized that he should have pushed her away so very long ago.

It wasn't fair to her, to Faye, the way the he was treating her now, but he was doing whatever it would take to show her that he was bad for her. He had to hurt her, because he still loved her. And in time, she'd finally get it through her thick skull, and she'd leave him alone, like he always should have been. A normal, or sane person would have told Spike that he could just break things off with her, if he wanted her to leave him, but in Spike's mind, he couldn't do that. He had to break her before she would understand.

And it hurt him to think that that's what he had to do. She would stick by his side through Hell and back, and he just couldn't allow her to endanger herself anymore. Faye always did have bad taste in men, and he was just continuing to prove that theory right. He figured he was off to a good start, ignoring her and all. It was hard to do, though, since she was so damn enticing all of the time. Even with tears always fresh in her eyes, Spike would never deny how attracted to her he was.

Attraction could only go so far, though. In the end, she would leave him, he'd make sure of that, besides, that's how things were supposed to be. Finishing off his drink and signaling for another one, Spike ran his hands through his mop of green hair and sighed with frustration. It was a shitty situation that he found himself in. He really didn't want to hurt Faye any more than he already had, but what more could she gain from him? He wasn't good for her, he wasn't marriage material, and he wasn't a father figure. He would never be what she needed, and he had come to terms with that.

"Hey there, it's good to see you back again," the waitress said to him as she sat down his drink, effectively breaking him from his thoughts. "It's funny, though, you've been here a few times now, but you've never ordered a _real_ drink. Are you always the designated driver?" 

Spike looked up at the waitress in the low light, thinking if he wanted to answer her or not. He'd seen her every time he came here, tonight would mark his seventh visit, and every time, she'd happen to be the one to bring him his drink. She was cute, though, so he wasn't as annoyed with her as he could have been. Her peppy attitude hinted that she was a young girl, probably not even out of her teens.

"I don't drink anymore," he finally answered her.

"Oh, well that's okay. I don't really drink either."

He noticed that she lingered a bit, almost as if she wanted to say more. That, or she was waiting for him to speak. But when he didn't, she eventually flittered away. For the rest of the night, Spike nursed his drink, determined to not encounter the young woman again. He had noticed it when he first saw her, but after studying her more so tonight, Spike's face soured when he realized who the waitress reminded him of.

Julia. This girl was practically the spitting image of the her. If Spike hadn't have been holding the Julia when she died, then he could have easily mistaken her for the woman. The way her golden bangs fell around her face was classic Julia, as well as the way her true blue eyes twinkled. And Spike wasn't sure how he felt about that.

After his bout with heroin, and the horrible shape that it put him in, seeing the way Faye fought for him, Spike gained a new appreciation for her. He often times thought of Julia though, wondering if she would have tried as hard for him. He had the sinking feeling that she wouldn't have, and Spike had hated her for it. But he quickly got over that feeling, figuring that hating a dead woman wouldn't help anything. Besides, he had Faye, he had the strength she willingly gave him, and he thought that that was all he needed.

Every so often, though, Spike would think of Julia. In a way, he still loved her, if for nothing more than showing him what love was in the first place. But once again, that was unfair to Faye. He didn't want her to feel like she was second best, he didn't want her competing with a ghost, but now he found himself wondering what it would be like to have just one more chance with his angel.

Spike knew that such a thought was beyond ludicrous, but if he dared to examine any of his thought as of late, he would see that his whole basic train of thought was ludicrous. But Spike hardly ever tried to understand himself, and that was one, if not possibly, the worst trait he possessed.

In the course of his musings, lamentations, and thoughts, Spike lost track of time and wasn't brought back to reality until the bands' final call. Looking up as the lights began to brighten, which effectively broke the mood of the club, Spike squinted slightly, then gave a soft yawn. Checking his watch, he was slightly put off to see that is was a little before three a.m., but it wasn't anything to cry about. He was just about to get up and head back home, but someone sat down at his table, stopping his movements.

"Hiya." It was the waitress again. She was devoid of her uniform black apron and now just wore black pants and a white, button up top. Her hair was free from its bun, and that all too familiar golden hair cascaded over her shoulders.

"Hiya," Spike muttered back.

"So, you must really like it here, huh? You stayed till closing tonight."

Spike raised an eyebrow, wondering just how closely this kid had been watching him. Noticing Spike's reaction to her words, the waitress continued on.

"It's not like I've been watching you or anything, it just that it's not every day that a man with green hair comes in here. Not that you're hair's weird or anything. I kinda like it," she finished with a smile.

Staring on, Spike wasn't sure what to say to her and he wasn't sure what she wanted from him. He wouldn't deny that there was something about her upbeat personality that kind of interested him, but that still didn't dictate what he should do.

"By the way, my name's Delilah. It's a real old fashion name, and I guess that's why my mom named me that, but I like it well enough. It's different, that's for sure."

This time she ended with a giggle, and Spike was torn between liking her and hating her. He eyed her closely, then just as quickly looked away. Did she want his name now? While she may have been apt to talk to any stranger she saw, Spike, on the other hand, wasn't.

"I'm sorry," she began again. "I'm rambling, aren't I? That's always been a big problem of mine, talking too much an all. And I'm told I talk really fast, too, which sometimes throws people off. But I'll slow down if you need me too, and if I start to ramble, don't hesitate to tell me to shut up. I swear, sometimes I just really need –"

"What do you want?" Spike cut her off. While her antics were cute in a way, they where equally irritating as well.

"Oh…um," Delilah stopped short. "Well, you sure do get to the point, don't you? I guess I just wanted to say 'hi'. You looked so lonely over here by yourself, and all."

"I'm not lonely," he told her, not sure he believed what he was saying.

"Oh, sorry. I'll just leave you alone, then," she said almost dejectedly as she rose from her chair.

Finding himself frustrated by the girl's suddenly less than chipper attitude, the good guy in Spike tried to smooth things over.

"Sit back down," he told her.

Her eyes lit up again, her perk instantly back.

"I knew you wanted to talk to someone! So, what's your name, stranger?"

"…Spike," he finally gave in.

"That's a fun name. And I thought _Delilah_ was out of the ordinary. Is that like some nickname of something?"

"No."

"Okay then. You sure don't talk much, you know that?"

"Is there anything you want me to say?"

"I dunno. Well, I guess we can start with the basics, so…how old are you?"

"You also get to the point, don't you?"

"There's no use beating around the bush, now is there? The best, and fastest way to get to know someone is to talk about the basics, right?"

"Sure…28," he told her, surprised that he answered her so willingly.

"You're 28? No way! I would have guessed, like, 24 at the very oldest!"

"Thanks?"

"You wanna guess how old I am?"

"No."

"Oh come on, why not?"

"I learned a long time ago that a man should never mess with a woman's age," Spike chuckled to himself as he remembered the slap that Faye had given him after a particularly scathing comment about _her_ age.

"You're a smart man, aren't you, Spike? Well, I'll save you the trouble, then. I'm 20. I'll be 21 in August."

"Really," Spike said with little to no enthusiasm. Just what he needed, some teeny-bopper with a crush.

"Yep, really. But either which way, I'm still totally legal."

Spike was glad that his drink was finished, because if it wasn't, he would have taken a drink just to spit it out again. Her tone had significantly darkened as she said those last few words. What in the hell was she trying for?

"Straight-forward, aren't we?" He questioned.

"Well, I've always been known to be a real go-getter, and when I want something, I don't stop until I get it."

"And let me guess, you want me?" He finished for her, quite matter-of-factly.

"You really _are_ smart, aren't you? Well, whaddaya say?"

"What do I say about what?" Spike asked as he found himself in an awkward, but intriguing situation.

"You know…see anything you want?"

"I…I've got a girlfriend," he told her, slightly shocked by how suddenly hard it was to say that.

"Really? Things must not be going good, if you spend most of the night here."

"What makes you say that?"

"I'm a woman, I have a sixth sense about things."

'Woman my ass,' Spike thought to himself. But regardless of whether things were rocky or not with Faye, and totally despite the fact that he was trying to get Faye to break things off with him…uh oh…not the best thought for Spike at the moment.

"So you're saying you'd sleep with me, even though you'd _know_ that you'd be a part of an affair?"

"It wouldn't be the first time, and I least I'd know," Delilah giggled as she winked at him.

"Okay," Spike said as he tossed her a speculative glance. "Well, I gotta get going…"

Standing up and murmuring a quick 'good-bye', Spike headed out of the bar and started his walk home. If he could keep his mind focused on the cracks in the cement, or the number of street lights, then maybe Spike would be able to make it home without incident. Delilah had made him a _very_ tempting offer, but Spike couldn't do _that_ to Faye. He simply couldn't…could he?

Hearing the clack of chunky heels behind him, Spike hesitantly stopped and turned around, not surprised to see the girl catching up to him. He thought about making a break for it, since it wasn't like she would be able to catch him, but he decided to stay and see how this would play out.

"You left pretty quickly back there," she said, slightly out of breath.

"You're persistent, aren't you?"

"Like I said, I always get what I want."

"Someone could easily call you spoiled."

"True, but I promise _you_ that I'm oh so sweet."

A smirk made its way to Spike's face as he saw little miss sweetheart turn into little miss sex kitten. If he were a weaker man, he would have already taken her up on her offer, but his resolve was a bit stronger still.

"Do you love her?"

"Who?" Delilah raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh, my girlfriend. Yes. I do."

"Would you be surprised if I told you that I don't believe you?"

"Believe what you will."

"Well, if you insist."

Feeling the need for some nicotine, Spike reached into his jacket pocket and fished out a cig. He momentarily thought about offering Delilah one, but quickly thought against it. If you give a mouse a cookie, and all. Lighting it and taking a long drag, Spike wearily eyed the girl as she excitedly eyed him back.

"I always thought that smoking could be incredibly sexy. And since you were already sexy to begin with, your hot factor just shot through the roof!"

"You sure know how to compliment a guy, don't you."

"So," she said as she stepped up to him, effectively backing him up into the wall of a building. "Do I have to keep pushing, or are you gonna take control."

Dropping his unfinished cigarette to the ground below, Spike grabbed the girl by her upper arms and pulled her towards him. But just as fast, he pushed her away and started to walk to the Bebop again. He sighed and wondered what he had gotten himself into as he heard her jog to catch up with him.

"Hey, why do you keep walking away from me?" She called to him, anger registering in her young voice.

"Because I don't want to do something that I'll regret."

"So you _are_ thinking about my offer, aren't you?"

"A little _too_ much."

"You won't regret this, I know you won't!"

"Bet you I will…"

"Well, we all have to do _something_ worth regretting, don't we?"

"I've already exhausted all of my _somethings_."

Stopping abruptly and whipping his face towards hers, Spike was feeling a sort of desperation he hadn't felt since the first time he kissed Julia. He was ridiculously apprehensive, yet unnervingly enthusiastic. But most of all, he was actual afraid, afraid of what this could lead to and what this could do.

"What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone?" He forcefully asked her.

"You know the answer to that," she coyly retorted.

"Well, I can't do that."

"Well, then I can't leave you alone. I'm only pushing because I know you want me. I'm not stupid, and I'm not blind. And I don't believe you love this girlfriend of yours. Well, at least not enough to stop contemplating my offer. As long as you don't tell her, I'm sure she'll never know. This can just be a secret between you and me."

She smiled at him in a sickeningly sweet way. She really did go after what she wanted, and her approach was pretty ruthless. But Spike wasn't going to give in, he just couldn't justify it. Turning away, which was so much harder than before, Spike was intent on making it back home.

"What could it hurt, Spike? It's just a slight change of heart."

And those words stopped him in his tracks. If he wasn't mistaken, then those where the exact same words that Julia had said to him the first night they were together. It was uncanny and wholly impossible, but the words were quite the same. Not believing in higher powers, but deciding to give things a go, Spike believed that fate was toying with him. He had to choose what path he'd take, and as he started back up his walk home, he was sure he was choosing the high road.

By the time he finally made it to the Bebop, flustered and wondering how it had taken him so long to walk seven blocks, Spike fumbled around for his key. He searched his pockets once, twice, three times, but couldn't find it anywhere.

"What's the matter," Delilah called from the dock, "can't get in?"

He didn't regard her, but knocked on the door, instead. Someone would let him in, all he had to do was knock loud enough. After several minutes, though, Spike began to rethink his plan.

"Aww, and nobody's home, either?"

Sighing, Spike looked over the old ship and tried to think of another way to get in. The only other way in would be to go through the hangar, but he didn't have a remote to open the door, and Jet had never told him the code for manual override. He _could_ climb in through one of the vents, but he risked being seen by someone, and then the cops would be called, and that was too much of a headache to deal with. Realizing that fate was having a real hard laugh at him, Spike slumped against the unyielding metal door and surrendered.

"Where do you live?"

* * *

**so...the plot thickens. what will spike do? i hope his procession to this crossroad made sense, though. guilt, desperation and a touch of spike spiegel craziness can make one do some crazy things, huh? well, we'll see what what's goes down the next time around. thanks for stopping by.**

**phoenix**


	7. I Write Sins, Not Tragedies

**a/n: once again, i believe i left you with a bit of a cliffhanger. well, here's the resolution. i think somebody's lost their mind. it was probably me, but oh well...whatever makes for (hopefully) good writing. oh, and yes, the title of the chapter is taken from panic!at the disco (though i can't say that i like the band all that much). oh yeah, and there's another lemon in this chapter. i know, i know...but once you start, you just can't stop. but again, it's nothing too happy...i bet you can all guess what's getting ready to happen. okay, that's enough. read now, please.**

7. I Write Sins, Not Tragedies

**

* * *

**The taxi had just barely driven away before the young woman pulled the man down for a kiss. For such a petite girl, she was rather demanding and forceful with him. Breaking away and given an excited chuckle, she grabbed his hand and pulled him into the apartment complex. Running upstairs, she tugged his hand harder, trying to get him to hurry up. He was still resisting her, she could easily tell, but she'd take care of that soon enough. 

Knowing that he had passed the point of no return, Spike decided to just go with it. She _did_ look like the fleshed-out ghost of a woman, after all, and wasn't he just thinking earlier about what he'd do if he had another chance? He supposed that this was a good a chance as any. As she finally stopped at her doorway, keys jiggling nervously in her hands, Spike spun her around and pushed her into the door, then descended his lips upon hers.

A surprised, but pleased groan passed her lips, and the little noise excited Spike now that he was getting into things. Playfully pushing him away, Delilah turned and successfully opened the door and they stumbled inside. Slamming the door shut, not thinking about waking the neighbors, the girl quickly pulled off Spike's wrinkly, blue jacket, and tossed it away.

"What's with the suit?" She asked between impatient kisses.

"I like to dress nice," he smirked against her mouth.

She smiled and pushed him towards her room, excited that she'd get want she wanted, once again. Tripping over their feet, Spike became frustrated and simply picked her up. With her legs tightly wrapped around his waist, the pair continued on to her room. Upon finally reaching their destination, Delilah detached herself from Spike's hard, toned form, and began to strip him again.

"You're really forceful, you know that?"

"It's the best way to get what I want. Besides, it looks like you appreciate a woman who could kick you ass."

"I doubt you'd even know where to start," he said as his smirk became more devilish.

Said smirk changed to a gasp, though, as the little spit-fire's hands grabbed his hardening length. He wasn't even aware that she had undone his pants already. She returned his faded smirk as she backed him into the door, pleased with the reaction she was getting. Dropping to her knees, she pushed his pants down the length of his long legs, and quickly let his orange stripped boxers follow.

"It's always the skinny ones that are packing, huh?" She said as she looked up at him.

Giving her a weak smile, Spike's head flew back as her tongue darted out and tasted his most sensitive flesh. It didn't take her long, though, to replace her skittish appendage with a more inviting sensation. There was no way that she'd be able to fit him entirely in his mouth, but that's what her hands were there for. Alternating between sucks and strokes, she was sure that she was sending Spike into sweet oblivion.

His thoughts were similar to Delilah's at the moment, not remembering the last time that he had such _attention_ lavished upon him. It was never something that Julia would do, she was too "proper" for that, and Faye had _other_ ways of making him happy. But this young woman was definitely making him question why he'd neglected this so long.

Too soon for him, Delilah halted her motions and stood back up. Placing a deep kiss on his slightly open mouth, which was something Spike thought of as taboo, the girl began to unbutton her blouse. Quickly ridding herself of the garment, and easily making her bra disappear, too, she kissed Spike's neck and ground her hips into his.

"I thought you said you were only 20," Spike managed to get out.

"A very _mature_ 20," she said as she pushed away from him.

Heading to her bed and shedding her pants and panties along the way, she appealingly spread out on the mattress, enticing him as she went.

"So, are you coming?" She asked, her tone now smooth and husky.

Not answering, Spike went over to her and spread his body over hers. Deciding to play the victim no longer, he took control of the situation and shoved his tongue into her mouth for once. Responding eagerly to him, Delilah wrapped her arms around his neck and accepted the kiss full force. Unwilling to put his lips any place other than _her_ lips, Spike's hands roamed her nubile body, enjoying what he felt.

Her breasts were firm and round, fitting nicely into his rough palm. They definitely weren't like Faye's, they were a bit too small for that. As he flicked over one of her hardened nipples, he concluded that hers were made more like Julia's. Running a hand lower, he supposed he wasn't too surprised to find her smooth and ready for him. The scent of her arousal filled his nose, but it once again, she was nothing like Faye.

Breaking the kiss and positioning himself at the her entrance, Spike cursed himself for thinking about Faye. Julia as well, but definitely Faye. Now wasn't the time for those women to bombard his senses, this time was just for him. Shaking his head, trying to toss out the images, Spike kissed Delilah again, making sure she was ready, even though he already knew she was.

"Wait," he said just before he thrust into her, "we're not doing this without protection. I'm not gonna have you popping up at my door nine months from now, saying 'oops'."

"Oh, I totally forgot," she said to him, a true look of forgetfulness crossing her face. "I've never had to work so hard to get someone before, so I guess I got caught up and forgot."

Not answering her, Spike watched as she reached into her side table draw and pull out a condom. A green one, at that.

"Hey, it matches your hair," she giggled.

Rolling the contraption on with an exasperated sigh, Spike wondered if he should back out. He still had time, and if he didn't go through with this, then he'd at least have _that_ much common sense. But Delilah had to choose that moment to stroke him rather invitingly, and what little bit of sense he had left, went flying out the window.

Stretching back over her, Spike buried himself inside of her, squeezing his eyes shut at her warmth. An excited gasp escaped the girl's lips as she began to rock into him. With her legs wrapped tightly around his waist again, his thrusts were shallow, yet deep, which caused her to cry out continually.

She felt good, he couldn't deny that, but she wasn't anything exceptional. She was wild and unbridled, that's for sure, which was a change from the recent norm Spike had fallen in to. And she obviously knew what she was doing, which prompted him to wonder just how many times she had gotten her way.

In between grunts of guilty satisfaction from him, and near screams of pleasure from her, Spike couldn't keep his thoughts from Faye. He had to wonder how other people cheated on their lovers since he wasn't even done with the act, and he was already feeling immense regret. For as good as Delilah may be able to milk him, this was something he'd never live down.

As he pushed into her harder, Spike realized that she didn't touch him right. Well, how could she, he imagined. The only one who ever knew the right buttons to push was the one he was hurting. Even Julia didn't have anything on Faye. And there he was again, not focusing on the situation at hand. Trying to get back into the act, Spike planted another falsely passionate kiss on Delilah's parted, panting lips.

She was getting close, if her increased volume said anything. Spike wasn't far behind her, but his guilt was definitely getting the better of him. After just a few more well timed thrust, he felt the girl clench him tightly and cry out his name. Spike flinched at the use, and hated the way his name dribbled from her mouth.

Giving in and sending out a half-hearted shout of his own, Spike came and groaned at his release. Barely waiting for his spasms to cease, he pulled out of her and rolled to the side. His back was turned towards her, and his mind was surprisingly blank. He wanted to think about what he'd just done, and he really wanted to think about how he'd hide all of this from everyone on the Bebop, but his thoughts refused to flow.

"That was amazing," Delilah breathless said as she cuddled up to him. Her arm fell over his chest and she kissed his back. He flinched slightly when he realized that she had kissed him in Faye's spot, that place her lips always seemed to find.

"You are by far the best I've ever had."

He didn't respond to her, but he didn't make any effort to move, either. He was tremendously tempted to just get up and leave, but he was in no condition to go back to the ship (guilty and recking of adultrous sex), and he was too apathetic at the moment to search for a hotel. So he decided to stay, which was neither an exceptionally good or bad idea.

"I'm going to the bathroom," he passively told her as he rose from the bed. He grabbed his boxers along the way and left her to herself.

Spike briefly thought if he was being too hard on the girl, after all, it took two to sin, but as he stared at his reflection in the mirror, he suddenly didn't care. Now the questions began to flood to him in droves. What _had_ he done? And why? Well, if he wanted to hurt Faye, he certainly got his wish. And though it was proven that Delilah was no Julia, Spike had also gotten to live out his 'one more chance' fantasy as well.

Sinking to the bathroom floor and just staring at the ceiling, Spike wholly understood that what was done was done, and he couldn't undo it if he tried. Resting his head on the wall behind him, he closed his eyes and sighed. He really wished he had a cigarette then, but settled for nothing, since he didn't even deserve that much. What was he going to do in the morning? What was he going to do, indeed.

* * *

"The next time you decided to take Ed out for ice cream at 10:30 at night, leave me out of it," Faye gave an irritated huff as she bursts through the Bebop's front door. 

"Technically, it's not my fault, Faye," Jet tried to smooth things over as he carried in a sleeping Ed behind her.

"Well I didn't let her eat five gallons worth of ice cream, did I?"

"Now you're just overreacting, Faye. It was only three gallons, and it's not like you were wearing Versayce or anything," he reminded her, secretly glad to actually hear her yelling again.

"It's Ver-saw-che. God, men…" she sighed as she stormed off to a much needed shower.

It definitely wasn't Faye's best night by any stretch of the word. Their little ice cream excursion had turned into a tiring visit to the hospital. Iggy's Ice Cream Chaque, which was never a refutable place in Faye's mind, was the only ice cream shop open that late at night. And leave it to Jet to insist on keeping a promise to Ed. Upon entering the place, Iggy had told the three of them that his freezer had recently broken and he was given away his ice cream before it melted.

Well, never ones to leave good food behind, Jet, Faye and Ed both grabbed two gallons each, and headed off to get some ice to put it all on. Once their frozen treats were adequately cooling off, Jet proposed a trip to the park, and like a fool, Faye had agreed. So, while both adults ate a few spoonfuls of ice cream and talked about life, Ed, on the other hand, decided to indulge in a gallon or three. Then she had the brilliant idea to work off the fattening dessert by playing on the jungle gym.

Fifteen minutes after those disastrous wheels had been set into motion, Ed came stumbling over to them, appearing rather intoxicated, and proceeding to vomit all over Jet and Faye. Needless to say, the woman was horrified. Jet was confused like any single, childless man would be, and Ed's puke just kept on coming.

Once the girl had finally emptied everything in her over-extended stomach, Ed collapsed to the ground, lost somewhere in a near sugar coma. Braving the bodily fluids everywhere, Jet picked up the kid and proceed to the nearest hospital to get her checked out. And all along the way, Faye yelled at him, demanding to know how he could have let her eat so much. He thought it was funny, though, that she conveniently left out the part where she had also let the girl eat the ice cream.

So it was another trip to Tharsis General, and at this rate, they'd have racked up enough visits to get the next one free. After the doctor checked her over, he simply concluded that she had eaten too much, twirled around too hard, and had a negative reaction to both. After some rest and definitely no sweets for a few days, she'd be just fine. It had taken four hours for the doctor to tell them that. Four long, smelly, crusty clothed hours, and a bill of at least 4500 woolongs.

By the time they finally made it back home it was after six in the morning. The sun was rising, the birds where singing, and Faye was ready to pitch yet another fit. Forgoing the tantrum, she opted for a bath, more than ready to strip out of her soiled beyond repair garments. Never in her life had hot water and soap felt so good. She would have stayed in there all day if she wasn't sure she'd fall asleep in right there in the tub.

After one more rinse and then a thorough drying, Faye exited the bathroom and went off to fall asleep. On her way to her room, mildly noting that Jet had headed in for a shower right after her, Faye poked her head into Spike's room momentarily, seeing if he was there. When she didn't see him, she frowned a little. She thought for a second that he might be in her room, but doubted that was the case. Shrugging it off, though, realizing that if he wanted her to find him, she would, Faye continued on to her room, leaving the stress of the night behind her.

* * *

**and that's all for now, folks. a short chapter in comparisson to the other two. i guess a more concise resolution will take place in the next chapter or two. also, this was the chapter where the 'ice cream woes' showed up...oh well.**

**oh, and i wanted to give a shout-out, aka 'thanks', to** adsv **for your awesome reviews. you're a very in-depth reviewer, and i really enjoy that! since i'm unable to reply to you like i would my other reviewers, i just wanted to let you know that i totally appreciate you!**

**also, thank you** ayesha **for your awesome review, as well. i think we all have a few masochistic tendencies (by writing this fic, you know i do), but i'm glad you're indulging! thanks again.**  
**  
okay, and that's it for now. thanks a ton for reading and thanks for stopping by!**

**- phoenix**


	8. Inside Left Pocket

**a/n: so, we get to deal with the awkward morning after. and man, i have a feeling that it's gonna be really, really awkward...**

8. Inside Left Pocket**

* * *

**

"Wake up, sleepy head; I can't believe you actually slept on the floor! Did I tire you out _that_ much?"

Spike cautiously opened his eyes at the voice that floated into his ears. It was a light, rapid, melodic type voice that didn't register in his still sleepy mind. Realizing that his choice of bedding was rather hard and cold, Spike pushed himself up on naked arms and remembered where he was. He was in the bathroom. In Delilah's apartment. Naked, save for his boxers. With his memory somewhat back in order, the man who now referred to himself as a "lecherous cheat" stood up and let out a long, exasperated sigh.

Just before he fell asleep the night before, Spike had tried to convince himself that all of this was just and alcohol-induced dream. In his head, he had worked up the idea that he had gone off of his plan, gotten piss-ass drunk, and had himself one crazy dream. But as he found he had no hangover, except for one of massive guilt, Spike looked at the woman beside him and fell back against the wall.

"Want me to make you some breakfast? I know how to make a mean Spanish omelet," she asked him, as chipper as ever.

Spike had to wonder if she was _always_ that damn happy. If so, he could definitely use a dose of what she was taking, seeing as though his life was shit more often than not.

"I'm not hungry, thanks. And could you take off my shirt, please."

He tried his best to say the last part without sounding too angry. The only person allowed to wear his shirts post-coital was Faye, though he doubted he'd ever have any type of coital with Faye once this got out.

"Oh, are you interested in another round?" She asked, excitement in her voice.

"No," he stated firmly, allowing anger to creep into his voice this time.

"Oh…sorry then. So, do you want anything at all? I can just make coffee if you like."

Sliding past her, Spike headed back to her room to recover his clothes. He needed to get dressed and he needed to get back home. He glanced at the clock on her night stand and saw that it was close to seven. Kicking himself mentally and reminding to kick himself physically, later, Spike pulled on his pants, socks and shoes, and searched for his old, yellow shirt.

"That's right, she's wearing it," he muttered to himself.

Exiting the room, Spike went to find her and his shirt. He spotted her on the couch in the living room, curled up in a blanket and watching the morning news. Seeing his shirt on the arm of the couch, Spike scooped it up and quickly threw it on.

"So, was it _that_ bad?" Delilah asked him, hurt weaved into her voice.

Letting off a stream of curses in his mind, Spike buttoned up his shirt and fumbled for what to say. Once again, his newest companion, Guilt, tugged at his brain. If he didn't already have enough on his plate, he now had to deal with this girl. He felt like slapping himself on the forehead at the moment, wondering how he ever forgot the awkwardness that occurred the morning after a one night stand.

It was always difficult for him to make a clean break after treating a woman to a "real man" as he liked to think of himself back in the day. Unable to break their heart in one fell swoop, he always did the nicest thing he could think of. Delilah would prove to be no exception.

"Listen, I'm sorry. Last night…well…it was a night…"

"It's not like I _made_ you do anything! You could have said 'no' at any time," she told him, he sounding a bit shaky this time.

"I know, I know. Let…let me make it up to you," Spike said, guilt currently kicking him in the head.

"Make it up to me? How?" She questioned as she pulled her blanket tighter around her.

"How about I take you out to dinner," he sighed as he rolled out his usual ruse.

"Dinner? Really?" She asked, that damn perkiness weaseling back into her tone.

"Yeah, sure…really," he tried his best to keep his lackadaisical attitude at bay.

"Oh Spike, that sounds great," she exclaimed as she hoped off the couch and hugged him.

Pushing her away quickly, Spike turned his head, suddenly finding her tank and underwear clad body unappealing.

"Kay, we'll go out tonight," she planned without his input. "Wait, I have to work tonight. Boo. Well, I'm off Thursday night, so we can totally go out then. Is Thursday good for you? Good. How about we go to Toni's Grill? It looks _so_ good on the commercials and…"

Her mindless ramblings went over Spike's head as he sat down to tie his shoes. He hoped that this brilliant idea of his still worked like it had in the past. Just take the girl out to dinner, have some casual conversation, say good night (and definitely DON'T have sex), then call her up the next day and tell her that you really didn't feel a connection, say that you don't think it will work, and then he'd be off the hook. Or at least he _hoped_ that things would turn out that way.

"…so how about you pick me up at seven? Spike? Did you hear me?"

"Huh, oh, yeah," he said, phasing back in to reality. "Seven sounds good. I, uh, I'm sorry to run out, but I got some things to take care of early."

"Okay. Well, I'll see you Thursday, then," she easily said as she walked with him to the door and watched him pick up his suit jacket. "Thanks for a great night, Spike."

"Sure," he passively said. "Later."

As he walked out of the complex and hailed a cab, Spike sighed with a mixture of relief and dread. On the one hand, he was glad to get away from Delilah without incident, but on the other hand, he had to deal with his roommates and girlfriend. How in the hell was he going to pass this off? That damned girl had left a hickey the size of Mercury on his neck, and he had no idea how to cover that up. He was going to get caught, and he knew that there was no way around that.

The ride back to the ship was much shorter than he had anticipated, and he gave large consideration to taking another trip around the block. He decided against it, though, realizing that he had to save his money. When he had originally thought about hurting Faye, this wasn't how he meant to go about things. Being cruel to her was one thing, but cheating on her was completely another. He was supposed to prove to her that he was doing this because he loved her. Bringing in an outside party put a damper on that part of the plan.

Paying the driver and wearily heading up the ramp to the door, Spike thought about just turning around and not going in at all. But once again, that wouldn't help anything, and he'd eventually have to go back, anyway. Absentmindedly, he reached into his suit jacket and fished around in the inside left pocket and pulled out his key. He was mid-way through unlocking the door when he realized what was in his hand. Looking down at the key, he felt his left eye twitch and his stomach churn in a nauseous revelation.

"FUCK!" He yelled as he banged his head on the door. It turns out that the whole night had been in vain.

* * *

Sneaking into the Bebop, Spike quietly closed the door behind him. As he passed the kitchen, he momentarily thought about melting his newly recovered key on the stove, but it was too early in the morning for the smell of burning metal. Keeping to the shadows of the ship, Spike was almost to his room, happy that he was going to thwart questions for a least a couple hours more.

"Where the hell have you been?" Jet's voice called from behind him.

Groaning but turning around anyway, Spike gave Jet a goofy smile before cocking an eyebrow at his partner.

"Any particular reason why you're taking a shower so early in the morning?" Spike asked as he averted his eyes from Jet's towel clad form.

"I wasn't about to walk around with throw up on me until a more suitable time," he responded.

"Miss the toilet?" Spike joked.

"No. Ed missed the grass. But don't try and change the subject, where have _you_ been all night?"

"I was unaware that I had a curfew."

"Don't get smart with me, Spike. You've been going out a lot lately, but you've never stayed out all night."

"Don't get your underwear…or towel in this case, in a bunch. I wasn't out drinking, if that's what you're thinking."

"I wasn't thinking that at all. I tend to have too much faith in you," Jet subtly reminded Spike of his worth.

"Whatever," the cowboy replied as he turned to head back to his room.

"Well, wherever you were last night," Jet started, "I sure hope it doesn't have anything to do with that damn hickey on your neck. And if it does, I sure hope you don't let Faye see it."

Spike bristled at Jet's comment, more angry at himself for thinking that he could get by the ex-cop.

"And what do you mean by _that_," Spike pushed, despite knowing that he shouldn't.

"You know exactly what that means. I'm not going to jump to conclusions, Spike, I want to believe that you have more sense than that, but if it turns out you don't, I'll tell you right now that I'm going to side with Faye this time."

With that, Jet walked past the now gaping man and disappeared into his room. Spike watched as he closed the door behind him and came to the conclusion that he was royally fucked, and he only had himself to blame. Falling into his room as well, Spike closed his door and leaned back on it. Then he remembered that he was still in his clothes from the night before and quickly stripped himself of everything he wore.

He was very tempted to go take a shower himself, but he figured that that would bring too much attention and possibly raise too many question. Pulling on another pair of boxers and flopping onto his bed, Spike decided to clean himself off as soon as he got some rest. Then he'd wash his clothes, and maybe his sheets. But he'd play that last one by ear.

Closing his eyes and falling into a fitful, shame-filled sleep, Spike dreamt more vividly than he had in a long time. Images of Delilah flashed in his head while her moans rung in his ears. Then Faye, perhaps more beautiful than he last remembered, appeared while he was still with Delilah, horror and hatred registering on her face. Pushing the young woman away from him, Spike ran after Faye, trying desperately to find a way to apologize.

By the time he caught up with her, bloody tears were streaming from her eyes, which startled Spike at first glance. But he persisted, trying to find some way to get her to forgive him. He pleaded and begged, even began to cry himself, but she simply wouldn't hear him, she just continued to walk away.

He reached out to grab her arm, but the moment he did, she recoiled and slapped him scathingly across his face. Stunned by the action, but not surprised by it, he followed after her once more. The light of his dream began to darken until things were a blackish-blue. Odd lights swerved all around him and Faye, but he paid that no mind. He called out her name again and this time she turned around. Her eyes grew wide, she let out a gut-wrenching scream, and Spike bolted awake in his bed.

He gasped for breath as he shook slightly from his nightmare. The images he saw were too realistic for comfort, and what happened to Faye at the end, though he wasn't quite sure what it was, scared him more than he thought possible for a dream. Turning on to his stomach, Spike put his face in his pillow and screamed. He was slowly coming to the realization that he was going to have a really rough road ahead of him.

* * *

**what was up with that dream? guilt's starting to get the best of our resident lunkhead. and when is faye gonna find out? what's she gonna do? and is this whole dinner/break up really gonna work the way spike want's it too? well, we'll see soon...**

**phoenix**


	9. Island Talks

**a/n: first off, i wasn't going to post this chapter until tomorrow, but i decided to switch things up a bit, and get this out for labor day. you're welcome. **

**so, this chapter is short, sweet, and interesting (not to the point, though). i guess spike kinda 'sees the light' in this chapter, thanks to our beloved genius hacker. i'm sorry if ed seems ooc, but how much do we know about ed, anyway? and keep in mind, she's still slightly reeling from her ice cream fiasco. well, on to it, then.**

9. Island Talks

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* * *

**

Spike sat at the little metal island that stood in the middle of the kitchen. He sipped at his coffee, noting that he needed to add a little more sugar. Tossing in a teaspoon more, he mixed the liquid together and drank up. Hunched over and resting his head on his hand, Spike stared blankly at the grains of sugar on the countertop, trying aimlessly to move them with his mind. It was entirely too early in the morning to do anything else.

"If Spike-person stares hard enough, maybe he should take a picture," Ed said as she ambled into the kitchen.

"Hey Ed, how you feeling?"

"Ed's stomach is still a little woozy, oozy, but I'm almost back to okie dokie."

Spike smiled lightly as he watched the girl pull open the fridge and take a hit off of the pepto bismal that had been her saving grace over the past couple of days. And least she learned a lesson, he thought, despite how she went about learning said lesson. He was also mildly glad that, for a little while at least, the wild beast that was Ed had been tamed. She still insisted on speaking in her ridiculous riddles, but at least she wasn't literally bouncing off the walls anymore. In a short time, though, she'd be back to normal.

"So, Spike-person," Ed ventured to say as she sat opposite of him. "Why are you up so early-birdie?"

"I couldn't sleep," he told her, wondering if he was _actually_ going to have a conversation with her.

"Ed has noticed that you have trouble sleeping a lot, lately. Is Spike-person having spooky, scary dreams?"

"Not quite," Spike trailed off. He wasn't going to devastate the girl by telling her that his waking life was far worse than any nightmare.

"Then what is it? Ed knows that she isn't you're favorite person to talk too, but I am willing to listen. I always have been, Spike-person, you just never tried to talk."

Spike looked at his red-headed companion, noticing that though she was the same, a part of her had matured. He wondered when that happened, but then remembered that he had spent quite a while in a haze.

"I'm sorry, Ed," he confessed. "I haven't been all that fair with you since…well, since ever, really. I guess it's just weird to think about having conversations with a thirteen year old girl."

"Edward is fifteen, Spike-person!" She shouted, almost insulted.

"When did that happen?"

"When you weren't looking, lunkhead, lunkhead. Ed never told anyone when her birthday was because Ed never celebrated before. Well, I think I did once, but that was a long time ago when mother-lady was still alive. When she went away, it was just me and father-person, but he is very forgetful."

"Sorry about that, Ed. It doesn't seem like any of us are really into birthdays around here. Hell, mine and Jet's have come and gone many times, but the most we ever did for each other was buy each other a beer."

"What about Faye-Faye?"

"Gee…I never asked her when hers was. I guess I wasn't sure if she'd remember."

"She has her mindful memories back, so I bet she knows."

"Yeah…maybe we'll just have to have one big birthday celebration for all of us, huh?"

"Ed would like that very much, Spike-person. It's always nicey-nice to have family say they love you."

"Yeah, I guess so…"

Spike trailed off and thought about what she had said. Birthdays weren't all that they were cracked up to be, in his mind. He was never big on celebrations, and he wasn't a fan of getting older, either. But if getting older meant that he'd finally get some sense knocked into him, then maybe he'd hop on this band wagon, after all.

"So Spike-person never said why he couldn't sleep. Talky-talking helps a lot, Ed knows."

"You don't want to know the sordid details of my life, Ed. Even _I _don't want to know the sordid details of my life."

"If Ed can speak freely," the girl started, obviously intent on speaking freely either way, "Ed has noticed that you are hiding again."

"Hiding? But I'm right here," Spike said, perplexed by her words.

"Not hide-and-go-seek hiding, but inside hiding. Like you are afraid to show your real life self to us again. Ed remembers that you have always been like this, but every now and then, you would be candied with us…"

"You mean 'candid'," Spike corrected her.

"Either way," she glared at him, not too happy about the correction, "you are hiding from us, like you are afraid of us. It's a crazy, weird thing, but Bebop-Bebop is a family, and we don't back away from each other.

"Since the baby went away, you and Faye-Faye don't talk anymore, and even Ed knows that that is strange. And you _love_ Faye-Faye, anyone can see that. So what Ed doesn't understand, is why you are staying away from her. And why you are staying away from all of us. Ed does not like it because the last time you stayed away, you almost went away, too.

"Ed does not want you to die, Spike-person, and I have a feeling that you don't want to, either. But when you hide, it is like you don't feel like you belong here, and that isn't true. If you don't belong here, then none of us do.

"You are a good person, even if you don't always think so. I like you, and that means that you're good. Please, Spike-person, don't hide anymore. And even though Ed is just fifteen, Ed is not dumb. Don't do what you did last time, okay?"

Spike was all but dumbfounded as he listened to Ed's words. When had this kid become so intuitive? Had she always been that way? Maybe if had have paid more attention to her, he would have known. But regardless, here she was now, trying her best to explain him to well, himself. Under normal circumstances, she might have made sense, too, but Spike was too deep into debt, too far into trouble to be brought back out by her words.

"So how long have you wanted to say that to me?" He asked the girl across from him.

"Since Spike-person yelled at Ed. But I was scared. Now, though, I know that you wouldn't hurt Ed. You might yell at me, but that's nothing new; you yell at all the women on this ship…"

Spike cocked an eyebrow as Ed described herself as a 'woman', and chuckled slightly as she laughed.

"…But I just want you to know that. I always wanted to tell father-person things like that, but I never really got the chance to. And when Ed and Ein went to find him, he never stayed put long enough to listen. Ed isn't saying that father-person is bad, he is just…preoccupied. He doesn't really have time for Ed, so Ed won't waste her time trying to convince him.

"You've stayed, though, Spike-person, and you've put up with all of my antics. You are now an important part of Ed's life, and I just wanted to tell you things before you went and did something stupid again."

"So you think the things I do are stupid?"

"Well, not _all_ the things you do, but a lot of them are. At least that's what Faye-Faye and Jet-person say."

He rolled his eyes at that comment, mentally reminding his self to give his comrades an extra bit of hell for that.

"I guess I appreciate that, Ed. We've never actually _talked_ to each other, and I guess it's my fault for not taking the opportunity, huh? Well, I never said I was good with kids."

"Ed thinks you would be a good father-person."

"Really?"

"Yep, yep, really."

"Well, I guess we'll never know, huh?"

"Never say never, Spike-person. Tomorrow's another day, right?"

"Do you even _know_ where babies come from, Ed?"

"Ed is not stupid, Spike-person. Ed knows there is no stork that brings babies to the hospital."

Spike blushed oh so slightly as he realized that Ed was _educated_, and left the subject alone.

"Well, Spike-person, thanks for listening to Edward," the girl told him as she stood up and stretched.

"Yeah, anytime, kid. Maybe I'll start listening to you more."

"That'd be nice. Ed does not like being left out of the loop. And Spike-person…?"

"Yeah, Ed?"

"I'm not going to ask you to promise, because I know you're bad with promises, but could you try _not_ to do anything stupid? Ed has a bad feeling, like something is going to happen with you, so please, try and listen to what I've said."

He watched the girl turned young woman as she paused at the opening of the kitchen. There was a look in her eye that he couldn't quite place, but if he had to give it a name, he'd be tempted to call it fear or pity. Sighing quietly, and glad that she didn't make him promise, he swallowed in his suddenly dry throat and nodded to her.

"I'll try, Ed, I really will."

Her eyes lit up at his words, though he could tell that she wasn't too keen on believing him. Obviously she knew him too well, and had gained that ability to begin to see through him. But letting things go for now, she slowly flittered back up to him and kissed him on the cheek, then she headed out of the kitchen and got lost in the Bebop once again.

Turning back to his coffee, which had now grown cold, Spike took one last sip before getting up. He went to the sink and poured out the rest of his drink, then rinsed out the cup and put it away. Leaning back on the counter, Spike looked up at the ceiling and sighed. He seemed to keep forgetting that his actions affected more than just him. He was part of a family, whether he liked it or not, and to hurt himself was to hurt everyone.

It hit him that he was really a screw up, and once again, he was sending this ship into a whirlpool of disaster. How was it that he kept getting himself into such trouble? It seemed to be his middle name, as cliché as that was. Pushing away from the counter and really absorbing the words that Ed had said to him, Spike resolved to try, as she had asked, and not do anything stupid.

He felt what she felt, that something not so good was lingering on the horizon, but if he went about things the right way, then maybe he could stave off that storm. Suddenly believing that he could fix things, that maybe, just maybe life could get back to some semblance of okay, Spike became intent on putting back together the things that he was taking apart.

First, he'd call things off with Delilah, even though that's what he was planning to do all along. Then instead of continuing to fuck things up with Faye, he'd apologize to her, beg for forgiveness if he had to, and get things back on track for them. Hell, maybe he'd even apologize to Jet and thank the old-timer for all the things he did for him. But he'd pace himself, since he was still new to this fixing your problems deal, and apologize, one person at a time. After all, he couldn't go too soft, too soon, now could he.

* * *

**and that's how that goes. thank goodness for ed, right? at least something has gotten spike back into the right swing of things. however, this fic isn't even half over yet, so suffice to say, things aren't going to clear themselves up so soon. well, until next time then. thanks for stopping by!**

**phoenix**


	10. Restaurants and Ambulances

**a/n: so, this is pivotal chapter #2, if i'm counting correctly. in other words, really intense things happen this time around. i mean, intense. like, 'faye finds out about spike and deliliah' tense. so yeah, the proverbial shit is about to hit the fan...emphasis on hit. oh hell, let me stop foreshadowing, and just let you read the darn thing.**

10. Restaurants and Ambulances**

* * *

**

Thursday evening, five p.m. found Spike Spiegel somewhat nervously picking out something dressy to wear. Toni's Grill wasn't a fancy restaurant, but it wasn't a casual one, either. He could go with his normal attire, his rumpled blue suit and yellow shirt, but opted for one step nicer. Pulling out his fancier black slacks, the ones Faye forced him to buy, he matched that with a deep blue dress shirt and a pair of second hand dress shoes.

As he dressed, a moment of guilt washed over him, not as if the guilt had ever went away, and he almost changed his clothes as he felt as if he was being dishonest to Faye. But he kept the clothes on anyway, since he realized that he _was_ being dishonest to Faye. He was having dinner with the woman he'd cheated with, after all.

After he was clothed in everything but his shoes, Spike flopped on his bed, a good hour left before he had to go pick up Delilah. He briefly thought to himself that one day he should buy a car, but just as quickly dismissed the idea for several reasons. One, he didn't have the money. Two, he was bad at saving money. Three, he had no permanent residents, seeing as though the Bebop wasn't exactly sedentary, and four, he would never trade his beloved Swordfish. At least there was _one_ woman in his life that he could stay true to.

As he lay on his bed, Spike had to think of how he was going to get out of the ship undetected. If Ed caught him, she'd be disappointed, and the thought of disappointing the kid tugged at his heartstrings, which prompted him to believe that he was going soft. If Jet caught him, he'd never hear the end of it from the ex-cop. And if Faye caught him, God if Faye caught him. He might as well just castrate himself and hand his dick over to her, wrapped in a bow and all.

For a moment, he thought about crawling through the air ducts, but that wouldn't do anything, except draw even more attention to his self. Then he thought about changing back into his regular clothes and sneaking out that way. But in the end, he decided he'd just walk out of the door, and if anyone saw him, he'd simply play it off and bullshit like he always did.

"This isn't gonna work," he said to himself as he lit a cigarette. "I'm gonna get caught and I'm gonna be hanged. There's no 'innocent until proven guilty' when it comes to me. Oh well, I dug my own grave, and I guess it's high time I finally lay in it."

* * *

"You in there, Faye?" Jet asked as he knocked on her door. 

"What do you want?" She asked almost irritably.

Pushing open the door, Jet reluctantly took a couple of steps inside, but didn't dare go any further. He saw Faye lying on her bed, a cloth over her head and a hand over her stomach. Her room was dark and the only sound was her slight wheeze.

"You feeling any better?"

"Is the sky green?"

Jet sighed and chewed the inside of his cheek, trying to think of what he could say. She had been sick for the past two days, and Jet discovered a long time ago that when Faye got sick, Faye got nasty.

"Can I get you anything?"

"You can get the fuck out."

"Faye," he said with a slight edge in his voice. "I know you don't feel good, but that's no reason to be a bitch."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"I think you need to get out and breathe some fresh air, if you ask me."

"Well, nobody asked you, did they?"

"Fine, then. I'm _telling_ you to get out and breathe some fresh air. Put on some clothes, Faye, let's go get something to eat."

"How is it that we hardly ever have enough money for food on this dump, yet you always find enough money to take me out to eat?"

"This is the second time I've ever asked you to go get food, ice cream not included, and I figure you'd be grateful. Besides, Ed's coming, too."

"Oh no, then I'm definitely not going. I've had enough bodily fluids on me to last the rest of my life, thank you very much."

"And what exactly do you think was going to happen if you _did_ have that baby? I hear more often then not, you get pooped on at least once."

Faye had to smile at Jet's words. Even though the topic of the baby was still touchy, the older man found a way to use the situation in a comfortable way. Pulling the rag from her head and slowly sitting up, Faye put her feet on the floor and stared up at him.

"No ice cream, right?"

"No ice cream. No dessert at all, for that matter. I promise."

"Well…"

"Besides, I think you and I need to talk. You've kept to yourself a lot, lately, and if I can't get…him to talk, then I should at least get you to."

"We're not big talkers on this ship, Jet."

"I know. We should change that, don't you think?"

"Christ, Jet, you're turning into a real girl," Faye joked as she stood on slightly wobbly legs.

She pushed him out of her door, telling him that she'd be ready in a few minutes, and then set about getting dressed. Jet took that time to go fish out Ed and tell her to get ready to go out, herself. As he walked past Spike's room, Jet was again faced with the decision to invite Spike to go or not. The last time he took the girls out to dinner, Spike had almost killed himself. Jet figured that leaving him alone wouldn't turn out as disastrous this time, but he decided he'd at least extend the invitation to the lunkhead anyway.

"Spike," Jet called out gruffly as he knocked on his door. "I'm taking the girls out for dinner. You coming?"

"No," Spike shouted, keeping the door closed in order to hide his attire.

"Why not?"

"Cause I don't wanna."

"That's not a real reason, Spike."

"Yeah, so sue me."

"Don't give me any ideas."

There was a few seconds of silence, almost as if they were thinking of something witty to say. Jet spoke up first, though, no wit in his words at all.

"You have to talk to her eventually, you know."

"Don't tell me things I already know, Jet."

"Then don't make me have to repeat myself. We'll be back in a couple of hours. And for the love of God, Spike, don't you dare let us find you like they way you were the last time we went out for dinner."

"You know I don't do that anymore, Jet," Spike yelled almost insulted through the door.

"Well, I'm just saying it anyway. Want us to bring you something back?"

"No, I'll just eat what's left over here."

"Whatever. We're leaving Ein, so don't neglect the dog. He tends to get lonely."

And with that, Jet headed off. Spike watched through the crack under his door as the shadow moved away, and sighed, glad to have skirted around that possible problem. He listened intently as Ed choo-chooed through the hallway, pleading with Ein that she'd bring him back something good. Spike pressed his ear to the door and heard Faye complain that she still felt sick, and to not be surprised if she was the one throwing up on people tonight. That brought a slight smile to his face, making him want to find his way back to her even faster.

As he heard the front door screech closed, Spike cautiously emerged from his room and looked around, making sure everyone had gone. Determining that he was alone, he flopped down on the couch and idly scratched an itch on his head. A nip at his heels brought him back to attention and he looked down.

"Oh, you're still here, huh?"

The little dog yipped at him and then gave him an almost incredulous look. If Spike didn't know any better, he'd say that the damn dog knew that he was up to something fishy.

"What? Stop looking at me like that. I'm not doing anything wrong."

Ein whimpered at him, definitely not believing a word he said.

"Fine, I admit it, I _am_ doing something wrong. I'm doing a lot of things wrong, but I'm trying to make it right, I swear."

Cocking his head to the side, Ein whined again and perked his ears straight up.

"I'm gonna fix this mess and apologize and everything's gonna go back to normal."

The little Corgi sat down and sneezed, almost as if trying to call Spike a bluff.

"Fine, you can think I'm lying all you want, but I'll show you. Wait, what the fuck am I doing? Explaining myself to a dog? I must be losing my mind."

Ein barked loudly at him then, as if to say he didn't appreciate being dismissed like that. Shaking his head and getting up, Spike ran a hand through his mop of hair and brushed the wrinkles and little dog hairs from his clothes. He checked the time and tied his shoes, then headed out of the Bebop. Before he did, though, he bent down to give the dog a pat on the head, only to have his finger nipped.

"Stupid mutt," he muttered as he inspected his finger. Sighing and shaking his head, Spike closed the door and went to hail a cab.

* * *

It was 7:06 when Spike arrived at Delilah's apartment, but he didn't think too much on it since punctuality was never his strong suit. He told the driver to wait for him and he went to get his date. As he climbed the stairs to her door, Spike felt a little apprehensive. Scratch that, he felt _a lot_ apprehensive, but he had to go through with this. Knocking on her door and waiting for it to open, Spike said a little prayer and hoped that God wouldn't spite him out of disgust. 

"Spike! For a second, there, I was afraid that you were backing out!" Delilah exclaimed as she hopped into arms.

"I was never good with time," he said as he pushed her away. "Come on, the taxi's waiting."

"Aren't you going to say how nice I look?" She asked, her peppiness draining on his last nerves.

"You look very nice," he placated, noting her little black dress, silver heels and silver clutch. Her blond hair was down around her and her eyes were sparkling happily. For a moment, a very slight and insignificant moment, Spike was sure he was looking at Julia, but he quickly thought of other things as she closed and locked her door.

"Okay then, let's go! I'm so hungry, I could eat a cow!"

Spike cringed as he followed her out. If she was really that hungry, then this dinner could easily cost him more than he could afford. But if it successfully got her away from him, then it would all be worth it in the end. He had to wonder as he followed behind her, if she could tell that he was pushing her away. If that was the case, then things weren't going to work in his favor. But as she put her hand in his and tugged him playfully along, he thanked his lucky star that she was blissfully ignorant.

* * *

Dinner, to say the least, was an awkward occasion. They were only half-way through their appetizers, and they had already run out of things to say. Spike was uncomfortable with the whole situation, but Delilah happily ate her salad, seemingly glad to just be in his company.

Putting the spoon back down into his bowl of soup, Spike looked around the restaurant and took in the surroundings. As was the norm, so it seemed, the majority of Toni's Grill was a deep red color, accented by gold trimming, which made the place look fancily tacky. The chairs they sat in were plush, wooden creations, which where slightly uncomfortable. Their table was in the middle of the restaurant, as the booths occupied the sides.

Spike would have preferred a booth, for no other reason then to not be so exposed. He felt as if the whole world could watch him as he committed adultery, and judge him in kind. He startled slightly as the waiter came by to refill their drinks. Spike opted for water (seeing as though it was free); while Delilah went for diet Limon, some crazy mix of lemon and lime. The waiter informed them that their meals of smothered pork chops and lemon salmon would be out shortly, and he left the couple alone.

"So, Spike, what did you say you did for a living?"

"Huh?" He asked as he turned his attention back to her. "Oh, I'm a bounty hunter.

"Really! God that must be such a dangerous job! You really are an old fashion cowboy, aren't you?"

"Yeah, sure," Spike said, trying his best to fake interest, but still feeling like a failure.

* * *

"I can't believe you got us kicked out, Ed! We were only in there for 15 minutes, and we were waiting to be seated!" Faye yelled at the red-headed girl as she giggled and cartwheeled down the street. 

It seemed that no matter how old Ed got, or no matter where they went, the girl was destined to get them into some sort of predicament. This time around, the trio had gone to a little seafood joint where Ed had poked her hand in the lobster tank, been attacked by a lobster that had broken its claws free of their binding, which had lead Ed to knock over said tank, which sent lobsters flying all over the place. So to make a long story short, Jet, Faye, and Ed's picture had been taken and posted on the wall, saying that they were banned from the restaurant for life.

"She was just curious, Faye," Jet offered as an explanation.

"From now on, no ice cream, no live food, and no taking our eyes off of her!"

Jet chuckled at Faye's reaction, which was an overreaction as always, and suggested a nice place a few block away. Reluctantly agreeing to try the food thing one more time, Faye threatened Edward with the promise of Tomato related injuries, and the girl quickly nodded and calmed down.

A few minutes later, they arrived at Jet's suggested eatery, and he held open the door for the women-folk like the gentleman he pretended to be.

"Welcome to Toni's Grill, just three tonight?" The receptionist greeted as they walked in.

"Yep, just three," Jet answered.

"Table or booth?"

"Booth," Faye interjected.

"Alright, right this way, please."

The threesome followed the receptionist to their table and scooted into their seats plush seats. They all ordered water to start with and looked over the menus in front of them.

"So," Faye began a few minutes later, "what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I dunno. Anything, I guess," Jet answered as he returned her stare.

"By 'anything', you mean the baby and me and Spike, don't you?"

"Well…"

"What do you want me to say?" She asked, somewhat confused by Jet's faux inquiry.

"I dunno, Faye, whatever you want to say, I guess," he retorted, returning her confusion as well. "You and Spike haven't said anything to each other in three weeks, so it seems, and I'm sure that that's taking some kind of toll on you."

"Not really. If he doesn't want to talk to me, then fine. It's not like we ever had much too talk about, anyway."

"You can cut the act, Faye," Jet pointed out to her. "You're hiding behind that damn mask again, and I'm getting tired of it."

"What mask?" Faye asked, knowing full well what he was talking about.

"I guess I can't blame you, though. It's a problem that all of us seem to have. We're so afraid to just be real with each other, that it takes a lot of prodding to get any real emotion out of one another.

"It's barely been a month since everything has happened, and yet it's like nothing ever happened at all. I know it's not something that we want to talk about it, but there's no reason that you…we can't show some feeling towards it. Hell, at this rate, we're going to forget that you were ever pregnant at all."

Faye sighed and looked away from her friend. He was right. Jet had a way of speaking the truth more often then not.

"You're right, Jet. I guess I _have_ been avoiding things…been avoiding the pregnancy issue. It's just that…well, Spike got over it so fast, and I guess I was just stunned that he could move on like that. I mean, it took him forever to get over Julia, and yet his own kid…I don't know.

"I don't like saying it a lot because I'm still not positive if he feels the exact same for me, but I really do love the lunkhead, flaws and all. And this kid…our baby…it was like the icing on the cake, I guess. We were finally going to be a real family. He'd be the dad and I'd be the mom. You'd be uncle Jet and Ed would be the aunt, and we'd finally have validation that our mixed up union was okay, that it was meant to be.

"And now that the baby's gone, I'm really afraid that we're gonna fall apart again. I mean, look at Spike; he can't even look at me, let alone talk to me. And how is that going to help anything? What am I supposed to do? Corner him and _demand_ he talk to me? I know him well enough to know that that won't go over well.

"I dunno, maybe he and I weren't meant to be together after all. We're so different; I don't think we have the strength to overcome those differences. Love can only take you so far, and for all I know, he never loved me enough anyway."

Jet watched as Faye turned away from him, tiny tears slipping past her dark eyelashes. He had heard her voice begin to crack and wished he knew what to say to make things better. It was hard for him, to continue to be the source of comfort on his ship, but it was a task that he'd never take for granted, and one he'd never throw away.

"That's not true, Faye; I know he loves you. Hell, the way I see it, I knew he loved you even before _he_ knew it. And you two aren't too different, you're _too_ much the same, and that's where the problems arise. You get on each others nerves because you are basically close to being the same person.

"Spike has never been good with tragedy and this one has hit way too close to home for him. His way of dealing with things is unconventional and more often then not, that's what gets him into trouble. I know that losing this baby has really screwed with him, and he's trying to forget about things to make himself feel better. The thing is, we all feel guilty for what happened, and we're all dealing with that feeling in our own unique ways."

"Guilt is going to tear us apart," Faye absently noted as she felt an odd chill run up her spine.

"No it won't, Faye. We're not going anywhere. It's a pattern with us, if you haven't noticed. We always drift apart from each other, only to come back together even stronger."

"That tether's gonna break one day, Jet,"

"No it's not, Faye," Jet said with more confidence than she had expected.

"Edward agrees, Faye-Faye. Bebop-Bebop forever and always!"

"Well...I guess so," Faye smiled slowly. She looked at Jet, then turned her gaze to Ed for a moment, noting just how much these people cared for her. Somehow feeling better, obviously thanks to Jet's ever-ready words of wisdom, Faye wiped her drying eyes and took a sip of water.

"And please, Ed," Faye started after putting her glass back down, "keep it down. I'd like to actually _eat_ at this place."

* * *

"So, Spike, do you want to get dessert here, or go back to my place for dessert?" 

"Here's fine," Spike said, suddenly feeling a little nervous for some reason.

"Are you sure," Delilah cooed, her perky tone being replaced by a sultry one. "I'm sure I'm tastier than anything they have on the menu."

"I, uh," he fumbled, cursing himself for his lack of preparation. "It's not that I don't want to, but I have a…a hunt to go on really early in the morning, and if I went back to your place, then I'm sure I'd never make it to the bounty in time."

"Oh," she said, sad but placated. "Well, another time, then."

Spike just nodded slightly and took another sip of his water as he tried to shake his recent feeling of dread.

* * *

"Well, if you'll excuse me," Faye said to her comrades as she scooted out of the booth. "I have to go powder my nose, if you will. I'll be back in a few minutes." 

"If the food gets here before you do, and Ed starts digging in to yours, don't blame me," Jet semi-joked.

"Oh don't worry, Jet. We've come to an understanding, haven't we Ed?"

The girl nodded her head, wanting nothing bad to befall her beloved Tomato. Smiling back at her, Faye turned and headed off in the direction of the restrooms. As she made her way through the barrage of chairs and tables, Faye was almost certain that she spied a familiar puff of green hair, but easily dismissed the thought, as she had no idea why _that _particular puff of green hair would be here.

But as she got closer to the lame excuse for a hairdo, the head and body that it was attached to looked all too familiar to her. Still not believing, she looked the other way, determined not to turn back. When she heard that unmistakable baritone voice, though, she stopped dead in her tracks, unable to deny any longer.

Glancing back to the left were the body sat, Faye's eyes widened and her heart constricted as she was forced to acknowledge the fact that that was Spike, _her_ Spike, sitting there at that table. And to make matters worse and to perhaps shatter any belief that she had left in them, Faye saw the unmistakable form of a beautiful young woman smiling brightly across from him.

In that moment, time slowed down and all she could see was the two of them. She heard no sounds and saw no movement except for the man in front of her. For a moment, Faye wanted, _tried_ to walk away and forget what she saw, but that was something that she just couldn't do. Suddenly, crushed Faye gave way to hysterical Faye, and without hesitation, she stormed over to the table.

* * *

"What in the hell do you think you're doing!" She screeched at him before she even realized what she was saying. 

Upon hearing that voice, Spike froze, not daring to look for its source. He might as well just shoot himself the head now, because the shit that he had created was about to hit the fan.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" Delilah asked, bewildered by the woman's actions.

"Who am _I_? I should be asking you that same question! I'm his girlfriend, or at least I _was_!" Faye continued to yell.

Across the restaurant, Jet heard a shriek all too similar to Faye's and he stood up to see if that was her. And of course it was, but when he caught a glimpse of why she was yelling, his stomach jumped into his throat and he felt dizzy with the consequences of his idiot friend's actions.

"Stay here," Jet sternly told Ed as he started after Faye. "I think there's about to be some trouble."

* * *

"Is _this_ why you've been ignoring me?" Faye's tirade continued.

By now, everyone in the restaurant had stopped eating and turned their attention to the scene being made. A reluctant waiter approached Faye to tell her to calm down or leave, but he was met by her furious stare, and quickly backed away.

"Did you fuck her!" Faye demanded.

"Faye..." Spike started, finally looking at her.

"Don't 'Faye' me! Did.you.fuck.her! It would explain that God damn _thing_ on your neck!"

"It was just once," Delilah quietly said, quickly regretting opening her mouth.

"I didn't ask you, you slut!"

"Faye," Spike said again, this time his voice held a bit of a warning.

"You're seriously not sticking up for her, are you! Christ, Spike, if you were done with me, you could have at least had the decency to tell me! Is that all I ever was to you! A good lay? And now that there's no fucking baby to deal with, you think you're free? Well, if that's what you want, then I release you from your servitude! You don't have to be bound to me anymore!"

"That's not what I want, Faye," Spike started once again as he tried to calmly talk to her. "I didn't mean for this to happen. And I don't want to break things off with you. I just…I just got weak and –"

"You just got _weak_! What in the hell kind of explanation is that, 'I just got weak'? If _I_ had 'just gotten weak', you'd never let me live it down!"

"I know, Faye, and I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen," he almost pleaded as he stood up to level with her. "I swear that I never meant to hurt you like this. I lo –"

"NO! Don't you _dare_ say that! If you loved me, you wouldn't do this! Fuck you, Spike. Wait, I already did, and that's how I got into this shit in the first place. You're a miserable fuck, Spike, and that's all you ever will be! I should have known that there was nothing left in you after that _bitch_ sucked you dry!"

"Faye…!" Spike nearly growled her name this time, clearly bristling at her words.

"Wait…that's it, isn't it?" Faye scoffed as she had an epiphany. "You still love her, don't you? And the fact that she's dead makes no never mind, does it? I can't believe I was so stupid."

Faye laughed at herself and ran a hand through her hair. Life sure knew how to be a bitch sometimes.

"That's not it at all, Faye," Spike said, his tone demanding that she look at him.

"Oh really? Then tell me, why does she look so much like Julia, huh?" She questioned as she pointed towards Delilah.

"Who's Julia?" The confused woman prodded.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Spike told her, trying to ignore the truth in her words.

"Don't I? I met Julia, remember? Let's see…blond hair, blue eyes, pale skin. I know that fits a lot of descriptions, but you'd be lying out of your fucking _ass_ if you said you didn't see the goddamn resemblance."

"It's just a coincidence…"

"Coincidence, my ass! Trust me, honey," Faye said, now turning her attention to the woman at the table. "I pray you don't hope to get anything from him, because he's still in love with a ghost. I was never good enough, and you won't be, either. You'll just be some cheap imitation and he'll tire of you as soon as the better upgrade comes by."

"Faye, will you just listen for a fucking second?" Spike's voice was getting angrier now, as he was mad at himself, Faye, Delilah, and the situation in general.

"No, Spike, I _won't_ listen. I'm _done_ listening, though it's not like you've been trying to say anything to me, anyways. I...I don't want to deal with you anymore! You're not good for me, you're not good for my health! I don't need this in my life, and if I took this from you, then I'd just be saying that I'm not worth it, and heaven forbid that I think that I am! Goodbye Spike Spiegel, I hope you rot in hell!"

With that, Faye dashed towards the exit of the restaurant, unable to get away from him fast enough. Parts of her were painfully numb, while other parts of her were painfully aware of it all. She could faintly hear both Spike and Jet calling out to her, but she refused to stop, even for a second.

Not looking where she was going, Faye crashed into a waiter, spilling food all over the floor. Muttering apologies, Faye continued out, tears blurring her vision and shame burning her senses. Finally finding the doors, Faye burst out of them and kept on running. In the back of her mind, she heard the shouts of the men following her increase to a near frantic level. It was possible that they were trying to tell her something, but she wasn't able to listen at the moment.

She then heard a different sound, almost like a horn or something. She looked to her left, suddenly frozen. Similar to the proverbial 'deer caught in the headlights', Faye couldn't move. And similar to the dreams where you find you can't get your legs to run, Spike and Jet moved all to slow.

* * *

The car that struck Faye had tried to brake, the agonizing squeal of the tires signaling said effort. It had happened too fast, though, and neither slowing nor swerving could have stopped the incident from occurring. At first, the men had halted almost immediately as they tried to blink away the image now deftly ingrained into their minds. Then as people on the streets began to scream and call for help, Jet and Spike snapped back to reality and ran to the woman. 

Maybe she was dead, since there was no pulse to be found, but that didn't stop them from trying. Spike administered CPR, shakily no less, and Jet continued to check for her pulse. Traffic had stopped on both sides of the street and multiple people were on there comms, begging for assistance. Curious onlookers crowded around, creating an interested circle of oh's and ah's.

"Excuse me," a girl said as she pushed her way through the crowd. "Pardon me, please."

The one making her way through the crowd was Ed. She wanted to see what the commotion was about; why Jet and Spike had run out after Faye. When she broke through the crowd, she gasped and stared before her.

"Ed!" Jet addressed her, his voice torn up by the tears he desperately choked back. "I thought I told you to stay inside!"

"Ed…Ed is sorry, Jet," she whispered, unable to take her eyes off of the broken and bloody form of Faye. "Is Faye-Faye okay?"

"Go back inside, Ed." Jet all but yelled at her.

"But Jet-person…"

"Go back inside!"

Hurt by his rough tone and confused by what was going on, Ed ran back through the crowd and back towards the restaurant. She sat on the curb and cried into her hands. What else could she do?

The sirens of police cars, fire engines, and ambulances soon sounded in the streets, their lights illuminating the road now at a stand still. For all the people that were huddled around, it was surprisingly, eerily quite. No one dared to speak because no one knew what to say.

Everyone simply watched as the woman was loaded into the ambulance and the man with the green hair climbed in after her. The man with the cybernetic arm went and gathered up the girl with the wild, red hair, and they got into the back of a police car, off to be escorted to the hospital, no doubt.

As the sirens and lights descended and disappeared down the road, the onlookers left in the wake of the accident went back to what they were doing, the incidents of earlier quickly fading from their minds. Soon, things where back to normal and traffic was flowing again, and people had already forgotten that there was ever a disturbance at all.

* * *

**so...that's, uh...that's that. could we see that coming? i kinda hope not, though spike's dream a couple of chapters back could have possibly alluded to this. so i guess the big question is: is faye dead? i dunno...wouldn't that be a kick in the pants if she was? well, we'll just have to wait until next time to see. and on that note, thanks for stopping by!**

**phoenix**


	11. Waiting Room Regrets

**a/n: so, we get to find out faye's fate in this one, though she's not the main focus of this chapter (crazy, i know). and good lord, if it doesn't get ridiculously monologue-ish again. but honestly, it's the best way i can find to get these characters' feelings across. i hope it's not distracting, hard to read, etc. oh, and we see the departure of deliliah, too (though i think it's kinda anti-climactic, but we need a sigh of relief, don't we?) well, off to it, then.**

11. Waiting Room Regrets**

* * *

**

The waiting room was simply that: a room to wait in. There wasn't any décor in particular that was soothing, and the colors of the furniture didn't exactly please the eye. Soft, sappy music poured in through the speakers, intermittently interrupted by the occasional page to a doctor. That sickening, purely hospital smell permeated the room and slowly seeped into hair and skin.

Three strangers, or perhaps they were acquaintances, sat apart from one another in the empty, sullen room. They didn't look at each other, and none of them dared to say a word. There was a balding man with a metal arm who sat on the left side of the room. He was hunched forward with his head in his hands, and his right leg bounced nervously up and down. In the middle of the room was a girl characterized by her wild, red hair. Tear stains were evident on her tan cheeks as she lay in an almost fetal position on the row of barely plush chairs.

And sitting to the right of the room, staring at the ceiling and wishing he wasn't there, was a younger man with green hair. He sucked on the end of an unlit cigarette, all too aware of the numerous 'no smoking' signs around him. Flecks of blood where splattered on his now wrinkly blue shirt, hands, and face. For that matter, there was blood on the other man as well. A somber scene was a simple way to describe the portrait of the three, but no one would dare to question artist on what was being represented.

"Déjà vu, huh Jet?" The younger man asked of his acquaintance turned friend.

"Not now, Spike. Just…not now," was the answer he was given.

Uncomfortable minutes passed like seconds stuck in slime. Everything was so surreal as they waited; images of earlier playing over and over again in their minds. Screaming had given way to crying. Crying had given way to running. Running had given way to escaping. And escaping had given way to tragedy. They had watched her laying there, her leg clearly broken and angry, discolored marks already peppering her skin. She didn't move and they didn't breathe.

Sirens were background noise, as was the bombardment of questions from the paramedics and police. They stepped back as they were asked to do, and Spike had volunteered to ride with her to the hospital. Jet and Ed had gotten a police escort, but for all of the emergency of the situation, help could never come fast enough.

Now they were waiting. She might have been dead, for all they knew. While in the ambulance, the medics were only able to get an unstable, tachy rhythm, from what Spike remembered hearing. The car that hit her may not have been going exceptionally fast, but the soft human body could only withstand so much. If she was alive, though, who's to say that her life would be of any quality. She might end up a vegetable for all anyone could say. The jaded patchwork family in the waiting room would never put it pass fate to be so cruel.

"Spike? Oh Spike, I'm so, so sorry."

Said man lowered his eyes from the ceiling and searched for the voice that had called out his name. It was her, it was Delilah…it was the other woman. Out of the corner of his eye, Spike saw Jet look up as well, and if the stiffening of his demeanor foretold anything, Spike knew he was mad. Standing up and staying Jet's response, Spike walked over to Delilah and led her out of the room.

"What are you doing here?" He asked her in the hallway adjacent to the waiting room.

"I…I came to see you; to, uh, see how you were doing. And to see if she's okay…your, your girlfriend, that is."

With a sigh, Spike turned away from her, almost unable to face that part of his sin. There was a myriad of things that he could do right now. He could yell, scream, fight, cry, bitch, complain, etc, etc, but he decided to go with the truth. He owed that to her…he owed that to everyone.

"Listen, Delilah, I…I'm sorry," he began, his voice an odd mixture of calm and delirium. "I took you out to dinner tonight so I could break up with you. I don't know why I ever slept with you in the first place, no offense. I was stupid, real stupid, and I made a mistake that could very well cost the life of someone I really care about. Or at least I _say_ I care about her.

"I'm not going to unload my problems on you, and I'm not going to ask for you to understand, I just need to say that there's no you and me. There never was and there never will be. I know that sounds cold, but it's all I can be right now. I…I don't think I could even find emotions for my dead mother right now…

"All I can say is I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me, cause Christ knows I don't deserve it, just don't make this harder than it has to be. I…I really _do_ love her, despite how bad I am at showing that."

Delilah watched him as he spoke and noticed how he never once looked at her. He looked beside her, above her, but could never look directly at her. She could have easily made his life hell in that moment, and called him every name in the book, and made a real scene. But she didn't; she couldn't. Though they were unshed, she could easily see the tears in his uncertain, brown eyes.

He did love her, whoever that woman was, and Delilah couldn't help but feel the pang of guilt in herself, as well. Hadn't she pushed this man and even questioned his relationship? Hadn't she said that he didn't love her? So much her female intuition…or maybe that feeling was simply pure lust.

She stepped closer to him, but quickly stepped back as she saw him tense. Delilah didn't have a problem being a home wrecker, but she did have a problem with being an accessory to murder…or at least manslaughter, in this instance. She didn't have a hold on this man, and she knew she never would. The guilt that she was feeling, though, was nothing compared to the almost ocean-like wave that was crashing into him.

"I…it's okay, Spike…really," she began, peppy tone gone, replaced by an appropriate one of grief. "I…I'm so sorry for this…for everything. I really hope that she gets better…I can tell you care for her, even though I doubted that before."

Finding the ability to stare straight into her eyes, Spike looked at her, studied her; tried to see if she meant what she had said. For several seconds, the examination continued until Delilah broke her gaze away and turned around to leave.

"Thank you," Spike quietly called after her.

"No problem. Besides, you were too tame for me, anyway," she joked.

The shadow of a smile formed at Spike's lips as she walked out of view. At least something had gone right for him recently. He had wanted to ask her why she had so easily forgiven him, but he thought better of it. There was no use in staring a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak. Turning around, he headed back into the waiting room.

"So that's the woman?" Jet asked, anger nipping at his voice.

"Yeah, that's her," Spike answered after several tense seconds.

"She looks familiar."

"Yeah…she thought so, too."

"Faye. _Faye_ thought so, too. Don't act like she doesn't have a name, Spike…she's not dead, yet," Jet scolded, that anger continuing to creep in.

Running a hand over his face, Spike flopped back down in his chair and tried to think of what to say. Jet deserved _something_ from him…anything that he was able to give.

"I didn't want things to happen like this, Jet," he started, suddenly barely able to hear his own voice through his increasing remorse. "It's just…after she lost the baby, I guess I kinda got really freaked out by it all, ya know?"

"I hope that's not your reasoning, cause if it is, then it stinks," Jet interjected.

"Just let me finish, kay?" Spike asked, no disrespect apparent in his voice. "That day you and Ed went to the store, something happened with me and Faye. She, uh…she joked about the baby and I took it wrong. I got mad at her, and then she got mad at me, and then one thing lead to another. Uh…to make a long story short, since Ed's in here, we ended up, well…you know.

"But the thing is, it wasn't like it usually was. The only thing I felt, really, was like, we were falling apart…falling away from each other, you know? After that, I dunno…I guess I just stopped thinking rationally," Spike paused momentarily as he heard Jet scoff at him. "And I, uh…I though that it would be best if we broke up. I mean, she didn't talk to me, and I didn't talk to her, so I just figured that we had gotten all that we could from each other.

"I know it doesn't make sense and I don't expect you to understand it…most of the things I do aren't meant to be understood. But as you saw, I just stayed away from her. I…I wanted her to hate me. I wanted her to leave me, cause I couldn't do that myself. She's…she's not easy to let go of for some reason, and so I decided that I'd let her get rid of me instead. I thought that if I wasn't there for her, if I was just a general asshole to her, she'd take it upon herself to just say 'fuck you', and get out of this.

"I don't think our relationship was ever healthy, mainly because _I_ wasn't healthy when everything started. I mean, I was what? Two, three months out of rehab? I try and brush it off, forget about it I guess, but I was really fucked up when I was on that shit."

Spike stopped again as he noticed Jet motioning to a now sleeping Ed. Not wanting to argue, but full aware that Ed had heard her share of foul language, Spike tried to clean up his words and continued on.

"Honestly, and please don't tell Faye this if it ever comes up, but the only reason I started sleeping with her was as a way to keep my mind off of the drug. Well, it's not the _only_ reason, but a big part in the decision to do so. I know it may be hard to believe, but I really don't go around, bedding every woman I meet. And that's a big reason why I was so iffy about this kid in the first place. Either way, I was gonna love the kid and do everything for it, but we gotta face the facts: none of us are in the right place to raise a newborn baby.

"You've got your hands full, Jet, with Ed and, well, the rest of us in general. And Ed's still a kid, herself. Faye, while I'm sure the motherly instinct is in her somewhere, is still too new to her memories. I still think she needs time to understand herself before she can really get anyone else. And then there's me, heh. I still get really bad cravings every now and then, and I _know_ I can't be a good dad, yet."

Jet looked on as Spike's eyes became clouded, almost as if he was remembering something. Taking a sip from the cup of water next to him, Jet leaned back and studied the man across from him some more.

"My old man was, well…he just _was_, I guess. He wasn't a terrible guy, but he wasn't a real good one, either. He came around every so often, asking for money from my ma or taking me out for a burger or something. He never promised me anything, not once in my life, cause he knew he could never deliver. He…he was addicted to meth, and I swore that I'd never touch a drug because I didn't want to end up like him.

"My mom never married him, but she put up with him when he stumbled over, really strung out. I didn't want to put my ma through that and I didn't want to disappoint her. So, I guess it's a good thing that she's dead. My dad is, too, but that's all trivial. What I was trying to say is that my dad sucked at being a dad, and I know it's because he was an addict. If I'm gonna try parenthood and all, I want to do a hell of a lot better job than he did. And I…I still want the drug too much."

Spike's eyes flickered to Jet's face, trying to discern the look he saw there. While he figured Jet was no dummy, Spike didn't want to confirm his fears, either. The whole heroin debacle had really taken a toll on Jet. The older man had done so much for him, and yet that's how he showed his appreciation. Spike had promised to stay clean, and so far he had, but to come right out and admit that he still had strong cravings could possibly shatter Jet's waning faith in him.

"It's the look you get, when you really want it," Jet said, breaking the silence. "Your leg jitters a little and you rub the bridge of you nose a lot. I noticed it before you went to rehab. I try to ignore it, but it's hard to overlook. I'm just…I'm just always glad when you don't give in to that. And if fuc…if Faye helps that, then I don't think she would mind, either.

"But I still don't think that's a good reason to do what you did. I mean, what were you thinking, Spike? Faye _loves_ you, if that means anything to you. Even if you did want to break things off with her, you should have at least told her that before you went after someone else."

"I never meant to go off with someone else!" Spike almost yelled, anger suddenly erupting from him. "I never meant to sleep with her: Delilah, or anyone else for that matter! I wanted Faye to leave me because I was a jerk, _not_ because I was a cheat. I didn't want to bring in another woman because I never wanted Faye to feel like I was replacing her or looking for something else. Faye can't be replaced.

"I didn't want her to feel inadequate, so I never thought about sleeping with someone else. It just happened. And I _know_ that's no excuse, but there's no other way I can explain it. Am I looking for forgiveness? Hell no! I don't deserve it, and quite frankly, I don't want it. Any shit that comes my way; I've earned it.

"All I ever wanted to do was prove to her that I was no good…I never wanted her to get hurt. Not like this."

Spike had quieted down significantly, the gravity of the situation suddenly hitting him. He turned his head to the side, refusing to show his tears to Jet, and rubbed furiously at his eyes. Jet watched on as Spike once again tried to deny he felt, and sighed with controlled regret.

The older cowboy was about to speak up and say something, anything to give some sort of comfort to Spike, but a new prescence in the room halted his words.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Oswald," the man in the white coat said. "Are you the ones who came in with Ms. Valentine?"

Nodding and standing up, Jet and Spike approached the man, ravenous for any information on the woman.

"Yeah, we came in with her. I'm Jet, this is Spike, and the only asleep is Edward," Jet addressed as he shook the doctor's hand.

"Nice to meet you all," he diplomatically answered. "First off, I want to extend my deepest apologies. I can't imagine how devastating this must be for all of you."

"You can say that again," Jet muttered.

"Well, I'm glad to say that she is alive, however, she is in extremely critical conditions. Her injuries were very significant, to say the least. Car versus person doesn't usually end very well. Thankfully, the car was traveling slower, since it was on a smaller street so it seems, so the impact wasn't as severe. But she does have extensive damage, nonetheless.

"A quick rundown of her injuries include: a broken left tibia, a fractured right ankle, a fractured collar bone, and four broken ribs. One of her ribs perforated her left lung, which prompted its collapse, but we were able to re-inflate and that should heal nicely. And while this damage is easily repaired, we have run into a bit of a problem."

"What kind of problem?" Spike spoke up, not liking the doctor's tone at all.

"The impact sent her flying a few feet," Dr. Oswald started, flipping through the pages on the chart in his hands, "and her head collided with the asphalt rather hard. And from the paramedics report, when they arrived on the scene, she wasn't breathing. In the ambulance, they could only get a faint rhythm, and we weren't able to stabilize her breathing until she got here. So all in all, her brain was deprived of oxygen for a few minutes, and brain cells start to die off after just two minutes of that type of deprivation."

"So what are you saying?" Spike asked again, irritated by how the doctor was skirting around the issue.

"What I'm saying is…she's in a coma."

"A what!" Jet exclaimed.

"Now I know 'coma' isn't a word anyone wants to hear, but I'm confident that she will wake up from this soon. Though her brain was cut off from air, we have her hooked up to and EEG machine at the moment, and her brain waves appear normal. This leads me to believe that thankfully, she has suffered no permanent brain damage.

"I figure that her coma has been brought on by the stress of the accident, and as I said, I'm confident that she will wake."

"Are you sure this isn't some mumbo jumbo, doctor shit?" Spike asked, no longer caring about his language.

"No, sir, it isn't," the doctor responded, not too put off by Spike's less than amicable behavior. "We are going to run one more test on her, and that should take about a half hour. After that, we will wheel her into a private room, and you'll be able to see her then. For now, though, I just have to ask you to wait. Do you have any questions for me?"

"You're positive that she's going to be okay?" Jet reiterated.

"Yes, I believe that she will be alright."

"And when can we see here?"

"Just as soon as this last test is done. I'd say within the hour. Now I don't mean to run out on you," Dr. Oswald said as he checked the vibrating beeper on his hip, "but I'm being paged. It looks like we're ready for the last test. I or a nurse will come get you when she's done. Just take a seat and she'll be ready soon."

And with that, the doctor left the two men to think. Belatedly obeying what he had said, Jet and Spike sat down once more and let the doctor's words seep in. So she was alive. Broken and nearly dead, but alive nonetheless. A relieved look washed over Jet, though he'd save the smile for when he saw her with his own two eyes. Spike, too, was more than relieved at the news, but now he was beginning to worry about how she'd really be. Just because some scanner said her brain was fine didn't mean it was. But Spike figured that he was thinking fatally, as he often times did, and decided to focus on the fact that she was alive.

Both Jet and Spike looked towards the middle of the room were Ed was sleeping then. Something was disturbing her rest and she began to cry out lightly. Getting up and walking over to her, Jet sat down and put his arm around the child. As if subconsciously knowing who was now around her, Ed settled down and fell back into some sort of peaceful sleep. Spike looked on and sighed at what he saw; acknowledging that at least _something_ in his life could still be so prestine.

* * *

**so, that was just one big scene of hospital-y craziness. a lot of talk, a lot of emotion, but thankfully, no more deliliah. next time around, we get to see faye. let's hope this coma thing doesn't last long. oh, and i'd like to give another shout out to** adsv **and** ayesha **for the awesome reviews. please keep 'em coming! well then, thanks for stopping by.**

**phoenix**


	12. Thoughts of a Sinner

**a/n: wouldn't it be nice if faye woke up? wouldn't it be nice if everything got nicely resolved after this particular scare? wouldn't it be nice if spike wasn't and thick-headed jerk? yeah, that would be nice. but only one of those scenarios are gonna play out, so...off to reading, then.**

12. Thoughts of a Sinner

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* * *

**

All in all, it had taken nearly four hours for the trio to finally be able to see their friend. Two hours for surgery and two hours of test had made for a significant amount of waiting, but at least there was something to see. It was a little after midnight as the nurse led the threesome to the dim hospital room. Upon arrival, the nurse left them to check her patient's vitals, and then she quietly exited the room. 

Edward was the first to approach Faye's comatose form. The look on the teen's face was almost apathetic, as if she had seen this scene one too many times. Or as if she too afraid to feel. For a moment, Ed had wanted to touch Faye, just to see if she was real, but she thought better of it and backed away from Faye's form. She continued backing until she bumped into Jet, then turned around and hugged the man behind her.

Awkwardly putting his hands around her shoulders, Jet gave into the hug and did his best to silently reassure the girl. Spike watched the two again as a slight and unalienable slice of jealousy ran through him. For all the talking that he and Ed could do, Jet would still be the one to go to for comfort. Shifting his eyes from the two over to Faye, Spike's slice of jealousy turned back into that heap of guilt. At this rate, he'd be six feet under the emotion much sooner than later.

"Jet-person," Ed's shaky voice cut through the quiet. "Ed wants to go home. Ed does not want to be in hospitals anymore."

"Okay, Ed," Jet told her, "we'll go home. Just let me check on Faye real quick."

Nodding, the girl stepped away from him and watched as he approached Faye's bed. Once there, Jet looked down on her and sighed at the situation. Barely even one month ago, they were in a similar position. And even though the last stint here had ended in tragedy as well, this time was already taking the cake.

He looked her over, noting that she was barely recognizable with her face swollen from impact. Though the doctor had said that she her head was fine, it was still lightly wrapped in gauze, as was most of the exposed flesh he saw. Whether she was drugged or not, though she most likely was, at least she was sleeping soundly. And then again, that could, and probably was due to the coma.

Jet's face scrunched up at the thought and he wondered just how long she'd be out. Part of him wanted to believe that she was just faking this for effect and that at any moment she'd spring up and say "gotcha", but as he studied her further, he knew that wouldn't happen. Deftly touching her left hand, Jet gently rubber her knuckles, hoping that she'd know it was him.

Turning from her, hoping emotions weren't about to get the best of him, Jet headed back towards Ed and Spike.

"I'm gonna take Ed home, she doesn't need to be around here anymore. Do you want to stay, or should I come back?"

"Uh," Spike fumbled. He hadn't thought about who would stay with her tonight. Honestly, he didn't think he had a right to. "Maybe you should stay."

"No…I think _you_ should stay," Jet insisted.

"But Jet, I –"

"What? Why can't you just stay the night with her?"

"I can, it's just that I wouldn't think you'd want me to stay."

"What I want, Spike, is to not have to be here at all. I think you should stay here, though. To think, if nothing else."

"…Yeah…I guess you're right," Spike gave in, still not wanting to fight.

"Fine then. I'll be back in the morning. I think I'll leave the kid home. And if anything happens, call immediately."

"I will. Uh, tomorrow, then."

He watched as Jet maneuvered Ed out of the room and closed the door behind him. And then there were two. Spike hesitated greatly before he finally turned to look at the fallen woman. He slowly walked over to her and just stared on at her lifeless body. This was all his fault, he thought to himself, as it hit him like a brick to the head. Faye was here, in this hospital bed, clinging to life all because of him.

Pulling up a chair and sitting by her side, Spike wondered if this is what she did when he was in the hospital. Though his last stay with her in the hospital had also been frightening, this time around was so much more uncertain, so much more like his time there. Was she as apprehensive as he was? Was she as worried as he was? Was she as scared? He wanted to touch her, to reach out and stoke her cheek, or take her slender hand in his, but that would have taken courage that he currently didn't have. No, all of his brevity had disappeared the moment she and the car collided.

If there was ever still a doubt in his mind that he was bad for her, that perception was unnervingly shattered and he finally had to face the facts. As he thought about things, which is what Jet had told him to do, Spike had to wonder what he was ever doing with Faye in the first place. A part of him thought it was pity. The poor woman had put up with so much from him, and yet she never really once complained.

Sure, she'd fight him and curse him and belittle him all day long, but never once could he remember her truly complaining about him. She had asked him to stop, pleaded for him to stay, even begged him to not forfeit his life, but never complain. And for all that she had been through, what with the cryo, Whitney, her bounty and all of that, she still found a way to trust him. Spike "Lunkhead" Spiegel had earned her pure, still child-like trust. Like a sap, he ate it up.

And he figured mostly, that that's why he finally gave in to her. That, and the fact that she loved him. He knew he wasn't an easy person to love, since he insisted on being so lackadaisical and/or reckless about every damn thing. He had already traveled down the avenue that explored whether or not Julia ever loved him, but there was no doubt in his mind when it came to Faye. She had decided to have his kid, after all.

For all that she gave him, though, Spike knew he could never give it back to her. He was too used up; he was already too far gone. He would never come out and say it, because he never wanted to appear so fragile, but the situation with Julia and Vicious had taken so much out of him. He had taken his absolute best friend's girl, and for what? Yes, she was good in bed, and yes, she was a wonderful, sweet woman, but to break up the best relationship he had, for her, topped his list of stupid deeds.

And then she wouldn't leave with him. He had broken his friend by betraying him so much, and yet the object of that betrayal refused to make his efforts worth while. And then he was hunted, hunted by the best. The only man who could keep him alive really _was_ the only man who could kill him. After watching Julia die, after literally washing her blood from his hands, Spike had given up and given in to what fate had in store for him. He _had_ gone there to die, despite what he told Faye. He wanted to die because it was the only fitting end he saw for himself.

To have your best friend, your soul's platonic mate turn on you and actual wish to bring you death is possibly the worst experience one could ever go through. He had said it before and he'd say it again: he never meant to kill him, he only meant to do him harm in the least. But that wasn't what had happened. He had killed him. And with that act, he had killed himself, too. The only person he ever cared about more then himself was dead by his hands, and for Spike at least, there was no forgiveness for that.

And it was those feelings that made him suddenly want to be as far away from Faye as possible. For all that he and Jet had been through, they could never be like that, but Faye…she was the one he loved, the one he'd willingly die for. She was to him now, what Vicious once was to him, minus the love affair, and the parallels of the situation actually terrified Spike.

If he could kill Vicious, then was it impossible to believe that he could kill Faye? He may not shoot her, and he may not even be the one to physically do her in, but he would lead her down that path, hell, he already almost did. And that was why he had to leave her, had to get away from her. What Faye wanted and what Faye needed were two totally different things. Faye _wanted_ him, or at least she had. Faye _needed_ a hero, a man that would know how to love her right. He wasn't that man, and he knew it.

He was an addict, recovering or not. He was an adulterer, and he'd proven that more than once. He was a thief, a liar, a murderer and a crook, and to ever think that he'd be better than that was a delusion on his part. For all of his skewed outlooks on life, his outlook on himself was surprisingly dead on, or at least in his very biased opinion. The few people still in his life today thought that he still had _so_ much potential, that he was good at heart and worthy of love and all that crap. Spike didn't buy it, though; he knew himself too well.

So in those moments, Spike made up his mind: _he'd_ leave her. If he knew Faye as well as he thought he did (the woman was easier to see through then freshly waxed glass sometimes), then he had a feeling that she'd still be willing to try. She was a hopeless romantic that way. It would make life on the Bebop amazingly awkward for a long while, but she'd find someone better, or leave. That would be entirely up to her, though.

Leaning back in the chair and rubbing his hands over his face, Spike sighed at his revelation and discovered he was getting a very serious headache. Perhaps he had thought too much, but it was all for the best that he finally understood what he had to do. Rising from the chair, he poured some water from the pitcher that was left on the little table, and took a big gulp of it. If he remembered correctly, the last time he had gotten such sudden a severe headaches was when he was going through withdrawal.

"I don't need to think about _that_ right now," Spike muttered to himself.

He then heard Faye groan slightly, and looked her over. Her lids were closed, but her eyes where moving rapidly behind them, and her mouth moved a little, almost as if she was talking.

"You heard that, huh?" Spike asked her sleeping form. "Guess you know what I'm talking about. I'd apologize, but…but I don't want to lie to you right now."

Faye was still restless for a few minutes more, but eventually settled down. Spike wondered what she was dreaming and then wondered if she really _did_ know what he was talking about. Even in some kind of coma, Spike wouldn't put that past her.

Sitting back down, Spike kicked off his shoes and put his feet up on the bed. He shifted in the seat for a while, trying to find a comfortable position, but eventually gave up and settled for semi-comfort. He kept his eyes open for a little while longer, taking in the bland room and Faye. He feel asleep soon enough, though; the events of the evening finally catching up to him. His rest was hardly as such, and he tossed and turned in the chair all night. But at least he'd wake up in the morning, which was more then he could say for Faye.

* * *

One week later; one long, agonizing, wait-filled week later, Faye decided to finally open her eyes. The room was full of people, namely Spike, Jet, Ed and the doctor, and they were all more than relieved to see her up. It was Spike's protests that had finally woken her; his annoying whines would have woken the dead. 

It had taken her several minutes to finally make herself known, and several minutes more to find the vocal strength to ask what had happened. The doctor then explained to her the basics of the events that landed her here and told her that she had been in a coma for a week. Her eyes grew wide then, and if her voice had been better used over the last seven days, then she would have pitched quite the fit over her condition.

But she was reduced to flabbergasted mumbles as she tried to grasp the situation, and Jet was personally thankful for that. Looking herself over, Faye noticed her array of bruises, scraps and casts. She sighed and reluctantly thanked the gods that she was alive, but wondered to herself why they couldn't have left her beautiful body better intact. Ed had then bounded over to her and rambled on about this and that, and for a moment, Faye was actually glad to her the girl's voice and see her too happy, smiling face. But that feeling soon went away, seeing as though Ed tended to talked too much.

The doctor then prattled on about more things that didn't interest Faye, and Jet joked around, trying to hide his relief and fear behind that calm mask. But Faye didn't focus on Jet, the doctor, or Ed; she was too focused on Spike as he sat in the corner of the room. He hadn't said a thing to her since she woke; he hadn't even looked at her. She now remembered why she was in the hospital, remembered all too well, but didn't think that was a good enough reason for him to ignore her. After all, _she_ should be the one who got to ignore _him_.

After the doctor had left to go take care of other patients, Jet took up the conversation again and gave her a run down of how things had been during the time she was asleep. By the time he had gotten to the events of the fourth day, which involved Ed diving off of the pier for some reason, Spike suddenly got up and left. He went so abruptly, he didn't even utter a goodbye. The three people left in the room simply looked at each other, unable to explain his actions. Then Jet continued on with his story, almost as if Spike had never been there at all.

* * *

Faye was two weeks in to her three week, post-coma stay in the hospital and she was more than glad that Jet had snuck her in some food this night. Hospital food was disgusting; as she had found out the last time she was in the here, but this time around, three meals a day for two straight weeks was enough to make her swear off food in general. 

Jet, her saving grace, had brought her a chili cheeseburger, large fries, and a vanilla milkshake, and she thought she had died and gone to fast food heaven. She heard Jet laugh at her as she practically inhaled her food, but she simply said, around a mouthful of burger, that she was entitled to such a feast after the horror she had been through.

Once their meals had been completed and the two adults had time to let their meals digest, Faye finally spoke up.

"So, the kid home again tonight?"

"Where else would she be? It's not like she has friends or anything, though I don't think it's healthy for a girl that age to hang out with grown-ups all day."

"I don't really know who else Ed would hang around. She's not exactly _normal_ or anything."

"Heh, I guess you're right."

Faye picked up her cup and sipped mercilessly at the straw. Her milkshake was all gone, though, and she sadly put the cup back down.

"Is _he_ still home?"

"Spike. His name is 'Spike', in case you've forgotten."

"No, Jet, I haven't. I could have, though. It's not like he's been around lately or anything."

And he hadn't been. Ever since Faye had woken up, Spike had not been back to see her. He _refused_ to see her for some reason, and there was seemingly nothing that Jet or Ed could say to get him to go see her. It was odd to think he wouldn't come around, considering that he barely left the room for the whole week she was out. But as soon as she had awaken, he had disappeared and needless to say, that didn't sit too well with any of them, least of all Faye.

"What did I do to him, Jet? As I recall, wasn't it _he_ who screwed up? Or was getting hit by a car an even bigger mistake then having an affair?"

"Faye…"

"What, Jet? You're not going to stick up for him, are you?" Faye asked, disbelief showing on her face. "Do guys really stick to that 'bros' before ho's' shit?"

"What?" Jet questioned, not getting the arcane reference.

"Nothing. Just forget I said anything."

"Don't 'nothing' me, Faye," Jet warned. "You can be as mad as you want to be at him, but _don't_ take it out on me. I've been on your side since day one, so don't you dare say something like that!"

"I…I'm sorry, Jet," Faye said after a few tense moments. "I just don't know why he's doing this, whatever it is he's doing. If he's mad at me, then I wish he'd tell me. I wish he'd tell me _anything_. I think I deserve some sort of explanation, but at this rate, I don't think I'm going to get a damn thing from him."

Jet watched the woman as tears streamed down her face. It was getting to be and all too familiar look for her. He couldn't deny that her eyes would sparkle a dazzling shade of green when she cried, but he could do without such enchanting eyes if it meant that that emotion would be soundly kept at bay. Deciding to let her tears fall as they may, Jet silently waited for her to be cry herself out.

"I guess he doesn't love me anymore," Faye whispered more to herself than Jet. "I kinda doubt that he every really loved me at all. Did you get a look at the woman he was with? She looked just like Julia. I…I should have known that he wasn't over her, yet. I mean, it had barely been over a year since she died and…I don't know why I thought I could compete with her anyway."

Jet got up and went over to her when he heard that. It was one thing for her to cry over her situation, but it was another thing to doubt her self worth. Sitting on the edge of her bed, the ex-cop put a reassuring hand on hers and gave her a simple smile.

"There's a lot of doubting that goes on on my ship. Sometimes, I doubt that the clunker will even start up the next time we go somewhere. Sometimes I doubt that the a/c will last until we have enough money to buy the new piece it needs. Hell, sometimes I even doubt that we can make it to the next dock with the fumes of gas left in the tank. The things that I _don't _doubt, though, are the people on my ship. I never have, and I never will, cause if that was the case, then I'd of kicked you all off a long time ago."

Looking up at him, Faye smiled back at Jet. There was another ridiculous, yet wholly applicable 'Jetism' as Faye had started to call them. He would never come out and say what he was really on his mind; he always had to wrap it in some sort of crazy coating. But at the heart of it all was Jet's sentimentalism, and the wisdom that the man seemed to always be bursting with. Faye was always glad to hear what he had to say, but she'd never tell him that, for fear of inflating his ego. So she simply smiled at him, like she always did, and was more thankful than ever that this man was in her life.

* * *

**so, faye's awake. and yes, she'll make a full recovery. there's enough drama already without the added stress of brain damage or things like that. but what's up with spike? will he come around again? ugh, who knows. well, i guess we'll find out soon. so, thanks for stopping by.**

**phoenix**


	13. Genesis, Alice, and Relapses

**a/n: so i guess this is pivotal chapter #3 (are you keeping up?). well, something even worse than faye's accident is gonna take place. i'd tell you more, but i'll just let you read it for yourself...**

**ps - i'm at school at the time of this posting, so please forgive any errors. i'm kinda busy and re-re-editing can't really be done right now, but i wanted to get this out for you guys, anyway. so take heed and off you go.**

13. Genesis, Alice, and Relapses

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After a week more of waiting around in the hospital, slowly going stir crazy, Faye was finally released with the warning of "take it easy" from the doctor. She wasted no time in signing the release forms and wheeling herself down to the waiting taxi. Jet and Ed had hurried after her, and Spike was still no where in sight. Well, if he hadn't come to visit her over the three weeks she had been there and lucid, why would he come by now.

On the ride home, Faye reluctantly asked Jet how they were going to pay for all of this, not to mention her last stint in the hospital…and Spike's, for that matter. The older man had told her that it was a good thing she wasn't pregnant anymore, seeing as though the doctors would have gladly accepted her first born as payment. Then he became serious and said that he had worked out a payment plan, which equated to nearly a life of paying off the bills. But at least it was honest and it kept bounties off of all of their heads, so long as they paid on time.

Finally seeing the clunker they called home come into view, Faye gave a sigh of relief and was more than glad to see the ship. Jet had offered to carry her inside, seeing as though she was on crutches and would be for a few weeks more, but Faye's pride won out, and she hobbled in by herself. She didn't make it any further than the old, yellow couch, though, but what injured member of the Bebop did?

Laying down and realizing that the short walk up the ramp and to the couch suddenly became like a trek up Mount Kilimanjaro, Faye decided that maybe she _would_ take Jet's offer next time, barring that he offered at all. Since it was mid-afternoon, Jet whipped up a welcome home meal of noodles and he, Ed and Faye ate lunch in comfortable quiet.

After lunch was finished, Jet brought out a blanket and covered Faye, and then told her to take a nap. She protested at first and watched the aimless shows on the vid screen for a while. She felt sleep tugging at her brain, but refused to give in so soon, and flipped through the channels even more.

Faye wondered after a while, if Spike was anywhere on the ship. If he was, he was doing a good job at hiding. If he wasn't, then who knows where he was. For all she knew, he could have been out with his Julia look-a-like. That's probably where he was the whole time she was in the hospital. Faye turned off the screen then, and decided that she would take that nap, after all. Thinking about Spike wasn't going to make him appear, and even if it did, what good would that do?

* * *

Spike had been in his room the whole time, to tell the truth. He had declined Jet's offer to go with him and Ed to pick up Faye and he had intentionally neglected greeting Faye upon her return. He had turned down lunch, feeling not too hungry given the situation, and he had stayed hidden in his room for hours after she had returned. 

Around eight that night, Spike finally slinked out of his room. As he quietly headed down the hallways, he could hear Jet in his bonsai room, fussing softly with his beloved trees. He looked up quickly as he heard Ed scuttle through the air ducts and shook his head at the girl's insane thoughts of fun.

Easing into the common room, Spike was quick to notice a body occupying the couch. It was Faye, of course. She couldn't be in her room like a normal person, no, she had to be on the couch and taunt him for his neglect. He noticed that she was sleeping, though, and was able to easily maneuver around her.

He was heading out for a little while, though he didn't dare tell anyone, but before he left, he stole a longing glance at Faye. He wasn't sure what he was longing for, necessarily. Maybe he wanted to touch her, or perhaps he wanted to explain. Or maybe he just simply wanted to look at her, because she always had a way of soothing his soul. But not tonight, not right now. After a minute more, he spun away from her and continued to his destination.

* * *

Spike walked around town for about half an hour before he finally stopped at a place he deemed respectable. Tonight's outing would take him to the 'Red Remus Bar', a simple establishment that would do for the night. Upon entering, he dully noted the bleak atmosphere of the tavern. It was perfect for him, so it seemed. Taking up a seat at the bar this time around, Spike ordered his requisite ginger ale and lit himself a cigarette. 

For a moment or two, he was sure that he was going to look up and see Delilah's perky face, but this was a different bar. And he didn't want to see her perky face. He didn't want to see her at all.

He sat for a long time, letting his cigarette burn away in his fingers. By the time he noticed, his cig was almost gone, so he took one last puff and dashed it out in the ashtray. He knocked back his drink and all but shuddered at its bland, unfulfilling flavor. He knew what he wanted, what he _craved_, but he couldn't ask for it. He wouldn't. If he did, then he would drink it, and if he drank it, then it could very well be beginning of the end for him.

"I see you're done," the bartender said, breaking Spike's reverie.

Looking up and feeling so relieved that said bartender was a man, Spike nodded and tapped his glass.

"Are you sure you just want ginger ale? A man like you doesn't seem like he could be satisfied by something so tame."

"My drink is fine," Spike said, emotionless.

"Here," the man said as he sat a drink down in front of Spike. "It's got a kick in it…scotch. You look like you need a stiff drink, so this one's on the house."

"Take it back," Spike said as he scooted the drink back towards the man.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Shrugging, the bartender brought Spike another drink, pure ginger ale this time. He didn't take the other drink back, though; he left it there as a wondrous temptation. And tempting, it was. Suddenly, Spike felt as if he was in the Garden of Eden…well, a seedier version of it, at least. And the bartender had been the serpent, and he was obviously Eve. Now, was he going to adhere to what God had said, or was he going to condemn all mankind, and take the drink?

Or in a more colorful metaphor, Spike was like Alice. He'd fallen down the rabbit hole a long time ago, and now he was faced with the cakes that said 'eat me' and the drinks that told him to 'drink me'. One would make him grow while the other would make him shrink; it just depended on what he wanted to do.

Scrunching his face up and realizing that each outcome still left him as a woman, Spike picked up a drink and effortlessly knocked it back. Perhaps he knew which drink he picked up, and then again, maybe he didn't, but the sweet taste of alcohol was a welcomed surprise nonetheless. Deciding that he might as well go balls to the wall, Spike order up another drink and downed just as quick.

* * *

It was about eleven o'clock when Spike finally stopped. Seven empty glasses sat in front of him and each one had increased in potency with each drank he took. He wasn't drunk; no one could convict him of that, but he was buzzed. Delightfully buzzed, at that. He felt as if there was something that was brining him down, something that made him upset, but at the moment, he couldn't remember for the life of him. Why had he stopped drinking, if it took his problems away so effectively? 

Leaving a grateful tip on the counter, Spike all but danced out of the bar and headed back home to sleep off his growing haze. Noticing that he was in a familiar part of town, Spike decided he'd take a shortcut and get home faster. He couldn't quite remember how he had come upon such a sleazy route, but if it got him back to his bed quicker, then who was he to complain.

"I haven't seen you around here in quite a while," an oddly familiar voice echoed from behind Spike.

Stopping quickly, pulling out his Jericho and turning around, Spike steadied the barrel of his gun on the voice and narrowed his eyes into focus.

"Who are you?"

"Who am I? You mean you don't remember me? I only provided you with the best hits of your life," the man said as he smirked at Spike and his gun.

Eyes grew wide, then, and Spike knew _exactly_ who he was looking at. It was his dealer, the man that had gotten him into heroin in the first place. Lowering his gun and falling back against the wall, Spike's heart began to race and he was suddenly faced with that scenario that he prayed he'd never see.

"What's the matter, man? You get clean or something?"

His voice was just the way that Spike remembered – smooth, cool, and all too inviting. Spike wanted to turn and run away as fast as he could, but a familiar beating in his veins stayed him.

"You may _think_ you're as clean as you were before you ever tried the stuff, but trust me, you ain't never gonna be free of it. I can see it in your eyes right now; you want it. You want it bad. I bet that arm of yours is hurtin' real bad, begging you to take a hit, ain't it?"

Spike looked away from him, but couldn't keep the man's silky voice from slithering into his ears. If Spike thought he had met the serpent back in the bar, then this must be the king cobra of them all.

"Here," he said, holding out the instruments that were still very familiar to Spike. "How about a hit? On the house. What's the worse that could happen?"

What's the worse that could happen! There was a virtual smorgasbord of things that could go wrong, but as Spike hungrily eyed the contents in his ex-dealer's hand, that smorgasbord quickly dwindled into nonexistence. Flickering his eyes from the man's hand to his eyes, Spike felt whatever resolve he had left quickly fade into oblivion. Didn't he just tell Jet a couple of weeks ago that he still craved this? Hadn't he been getting terrible, withdrawal-like headaches lately?

It was just one hit, that's all it was, and that's all it would be. He had enough self-restraint to not get hooked on this stuff again, and just _one_ hit wouldn't do much. Right?

Holstering his gun and reaching out with suddenly shaking hands, Spike grabbed the stuff from the open hand in front of him and slid to the dirty, alley ground. Though it had been over a year since he last did this, it was just like riding a bicycle. In no time, Spike had the heroin melted, his vein popped and ready, and the needle slipping neatly into his arm.

The instant jolt in his system was almost more than Spike could take. Mixed with the alcohol buzz, Spike was transported to a type of nirvana and he had no plans on coming down soon. He smiled a lazy smile and remembered the sweet, sweet taste of heroin, which was weird, in a way, seeing as though the drug never touched his lips.

Pulling himself up off the ground, he handed the needle back over the dealer and gave him an appreciative nod.

"Thanks," Spike said as he walked away.

"Any time, buddy; I'm always glad to help."

Feeling better than he had in a long time, Spike all but skipped home. It had turned out to be a great night for him, after all.

* * *

A little after twelve a.m. is when Spike finally strolled back in to the Bebop. He was buzzed, high, and extremely happy, and now all he wanted to do was sleep while nestled in that bliss. The lights in the ship were all off, save for the lights that naturally stayed on, and Spike was confident that everyone was asleep. Slowing making his way around a still occupied couch, Spike tossed a quick look at a still sleeping Faye and headed on his way. 

"Where did you go?" Faye's sleepy voice drifted over to him.

Spike was pretty positive that his cringe was visible, even in the near darkness, but he continued to walk on, hoping she would think that she was dreaming.

"Spike? Is it _that_ hard to talk to me?"

It was the hurt in her voice that finally made him stop and turn around to her. He thought of several things to say, but decided not to answer until she asked him first.

"Where were you?" She asked, concern apparent in her voice.

"Nowhere important," was his curt answer.

"…Oh," she quietly said. "I just thought…"

And she cut herself short. Rubbing sleep from her eyes, Faye stared hard at Spike, easily noticing that something about him was off. Seeing her begin to scrutinize him, Spike turned away from her and shifted slightly under her gaze.

"Where did you say you were?" She asked again, a sudden strict tone now coming out.

"I _said_ 'nowhere important'."

She studied him some more, remembering his mannerisms all too well, and then it struck her and she almost felt her heart stop.

"You…you're drunk," she hesitantly said.

"I'm not drunk…I'm just buzzed," he admitted.

"And…God, Spike…you're high, aren't you?" Her words were barely an angry whisper as she said it.

"Well aren't we just little miss know-it-all?" Spike said, a snarky tone heavy in his voice.

"Spike, I thought…you said…how, how could you?" Faye asked him, almost unable to grasp the situation.

"Don't fucking interrogate me, Faye; I don't have to explain myself to you."

"I'm in the hospital for a month, and _this_ is what you're off doing, instead of coming to see how _I'm_ doing!"

"At least '_this_', as you put it, doesn't bitch all the goddamn time," he bit back.

"Christ, your back to that nasty attitude already," Faye bitterly noted.

Screwing up his face at her words, and noticing her sitting up, Spike walked over to Faye. For a moment, he could see it in her eyes that she thought he might hit her, but he didn't; he would never lay a hand on her again, though she may not believe that. He reached over her and grabbed hold of her crutches, knowing that those where her only way of getting around effectively at the moment.

"What are you doing?" She asked with a bit a fear.

"Here's a lesson for you, Faye: don't worry about things that you have no control over."

And with that, he picked up her crutches and walked away from her. Faye watched him as he retreated into the darkness of the ship, and started shaking her head, trying to make the things she saw not true. How could he? _Why_ would he? Had she lost touch with him _so_ badly, _so_ quickly? As was becoming her daily activity of late, Faye felt the tears running down her cheeks before she even registered that she was crying. Didn't he know what this was doing to her? To himself? To everybody? Why was everything falling apart again, and why didn't she know how to fix it?**

* * *

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**sigh...he's back at it again. i'm sure none of us wanted a relapse, but then again, i'm sure none of us wanted this craziness in the first place. so, what's gonna happen now? don't ask me, i'm just the author. well, we'll find out soon. so then, thanks for stopping by.**

**phoenix **


	14. At Least They're Talking

**a/n: so, now that spike has relapsed, what's gonna happen? if you venture to take a guess, i'm sure you can figure it out that things won't be pretty. at least for a while. oh, and the last couple of chapters have garnished a record low for reviews and i'm perplexed as to why. so though i wholly appreciate you reading this, why not drop a quick review to let me know how i'm doin'? and if not, well...at least you're still reading. kay, enough drabble, on with it!**

14. At Least They're Talking

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Faye had gotten her crutches back the next day after Jet had wrestled them away from Spike. Jet had asked her why he had taken her crutches to begin with, but the crippled woman played it off and said it was basically nothing. Jet wasn't satisfied with her answer by any stretch of the means, but he decided to let things go for now. She had then hobbled off to her room, very unsteady on her new surrogate legs, but she made it there eventually.

For the greater part of a week, Faye didn't venture out of her little cubicle. For one thing, she didn't have the strength to trump back and forth over the extensive ship at the moment, and Jet wouldn't let her up that much, either. Spike was the other reason she was reluctant to leave her room. She didn't want to see him, she certainly didn't have the strength she needed to deal with _him_ at the moment.

It was interesting, Faye noticed, how the people on the ship reacted to her. When she had come home after losing the baby, no one really talked about it, and no one really made a big fuss over it. This time around, however, she was lucky if she was ever alone, as Jet or Ed was always ready to do just about anything for her. Since her injuries were very physical this time, Faye wondered if that affected how they treated her. They could see the scars, and that made them easily addressable. But when the pain was purely internal, it was as if no one even cared. Faye knew better than to believe that latter was the truth, but even she realized that she responded to herself better this time around.

Over the course of her bed rest, which lasted somewhere around three weeks, Faye had learned the hard way, that Ed was an exceptionally good card player. Even though her games were childish, such as War, she was still a talented player, and that made Faye proud. Perhaps Poker Alice could have a protégé, if only Radical Edward would sit still long enough to learn how to play the intricate game of poker.

To pass the time when Ed wasn't giving her a run for her money, Faye read a lot. Jet had bought her a few books upon her release and she was surprised to see that he had a good grasp on what it was that interested her. There was a book on ancient Greek mythology that she simply ate up. From what her memories offered her, mythology had been her secret love when she was younger. It was no surprise that she equated herself to Aphrodite, now all she needed was her glorious Mount Olympus. But the Bebop would have to do for now.

Jet had also gotten her a coloring book and crayons, saying something to the effect of "if you're gonna whine like a child, you might as well play like a child, too". Leave it to good ol' Jet to insult you _and_ make you laugh. And then there was the cheesy romance novel tossed into the stack, as well. The cover was adorned with the overly muscled man with flowing, windswept hair, as he passionately held on to the woman with the overflowing bosom. Faye would have given anything to see Jet's face when he bought that book.

It was no surprise to her, though it still hurt all the same, that Spike never once poked his head into her room to say 'hi'. The few times that Faye had limped out of her room and into an area where he was, Spike would quickly get up and leave the room as if he were offended. On those rare occasions when Faye got a glimpse of the mysterious man, she always tried to gauge his lucidity. More often then not, he was thankfully sober, but every so often, she could tell he was high.

Faye had wanted to sneak into Spike's room and find all of the stuff, the damn drugs that he couldn't seem to put down. But she'd never be fast enough to get in and out undetected; she was still too immobilized by her crutches and casts. Faye then had to wonder if Jet knew. Or if Ed did, for that matter. If she could figure it out so easily, then she was sure that they could, too. But neither had said anything to her, so there was a chance that they didn't know.

But Faye couldn't understand why she thought that was a good thing. They _should_ know if they didn't, because what Spike was doing was wrong. But in Faye's mind, she felt that if they didn't know, then it was like a secret her and Spike. And if she kept the secret, then maybe he would trust her. And if he trusted her, then maybe she could convince him to stop.

It was a very dense way of thinking, and Faye knew that something like that could never work. That didn't deter her from thinking that way, though. If the others didn't know, then she certainly wasn't going to tell. She'd get herself better, and then she'd find a way to save him. There was no way around the fact that she still loved him with everything she was, and if she had to save his life to prove it, then so be it.

* * *

"You still up?" Jet asked Faye one night as he eased into her room. 

"Huh, oh yeah, I'm still up. Turns out you got a really good book for me," she smiled at him as she held up the myth book.

"I'm glad I could do _something_ right for you," Jet smirked as he fully entered her room.

He walked over and sat down on the edge of her bed, and Faye could tell that there was something gnawing at his brain.

"So, how you feeling?"

"Same as I felt last time you asked me. It's still hard to get around, but I'm not in as much pain. I imagine I can get rid of these crutches in another day or two."

"You've been home for three weeks. You'll be in casts for another three weeks. You'll be on crutches for the next three weeks."

"Fine," Faye mumbled, hating her crutches even more. "But when I'm finally able to walk without them, I may very well beat you with them."

"I'd like to see you try," Jet lightly taunted.

"So," Jet started a few minutes later. "Have you noticed anything odd about Spike lately?"

"It's not like I've seen much of him, so I don't know what you're asking for," Faye said, tensing at Jet's probes. She had a good idea what he was talking about, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to confront that yet.

"I think you know what I'm talking about, Faye," he leveled with her. "He's back on it again, isn't he?"

"…Yeah, he is," Faye admitted, feeling suddenly ashamed for reasons she didn't understand.

The two didn't say anything for a while. It was as if they were letting the truth seep in, even though they already knew it. Conformation was what they needed, though, and now that they had it, they almost wished to be back in the dark again.

"What do we do about it?" Jet was the first to ask.

"I…I don't know. I mean, what_ can _we do? Another intervention? More rehab? I highly doubt he'd go, even if we dragged him there.

Again, they let the truth sink in. There was something so very off about the situation this time. Spike wasn't high every day, which proved he had some sort of restraint, but the fact of the matter was, he was on it again.

"I can't go through this again," Faye quietly admitted. "Especially if he doesn't want me around. I…it was almost too much last time and I don't want to see him get that bad again."

"I know, Faye…but we can't just let him go through this on his own, we…"

"_We_ are just going to leave him alone! Or at least_ I_ am!" Faye suddenly shouted. "I think he's done a wonderful job showing me that he doesn't give a damn about me, so I'm not gonna give a shit about him, either! If he wants to throw his life away, then let him! I'm done trying to save a man who doesn't want to be saved!"

Jet watched the woman as she settled herself down. Conflicting emotions flickered behind her eyes and Jet wasn't sure which one she'd express next. He had to commend her on keeping herself in check, though. She didn't yell anymore, nor did she cry, which was an interesting change. She just sat there and stared blankly to the side, almost as if she was shutting down.

"I don't want to give up on him," Jet said as he stood up and proceeded to leave. "But I know how you feel. You feel betrayed, since he promised us he wouldn't do this again. I'm tempted to not do anything and just see how it goes, but I'll always eventually do something…I just don't know what, yet."

Softly closing the door behind him, Jet left Faye to herself again. He didn't have answers and neither did she. They were both just as lost this time around as they were before. Laying down and rolling to her side, Faye's hand drifted down to rest on her stomach as she lightly fingered the scar that was there. Maybe if she hadn't lost the baby, Spike would still be okay. But that was probably a really stupid thought. She was prone to those, nowadays.

* * *

"It's not my fault he got away!" 

"Yes it is! It's not like _I _was out there to get in the way, like you always say I do!"

Jet sighed and rubbed his nose in an attempt to calm himself. Spike and Faye had been going at it for the better part of an hour now, thanks to a bounty gone wrong. It was supposed to be a very simple bounty, but things didn't want to go easy for the Bebop lately. It was supposed to be a simple bounty in which Jet and Spike were to out to get the perp, and Faye and Ed were to stay behind and guide them.

Since Faye was still pretty banged up, only about a month out of the hospital, radioing in from the ship was the only way she was able to help at the moment. So Jet and Spike had went off to nab Sancho Perez, a well know, but less than professional drug smuggler, and it was supposed to be a simple in and out procedure. But something went wrong, and he got away. Jet's ship got busted up in the process and somehow, a civilian car had been blown up. Faye wasn't quite sure how they did it, but she chalked it up to the luck, or lack there of, of the Bebop.

Once the men had returned, mission severely _un_accomplished, Faye had let them have it; her old, fiery temper back with a vengeance. First Faye had yelled at Jet about all things unprofessional, then she had turned her attentions to Spike. And that's were they still were, almost an hour later. This _was_ the first time, though, in over a month that Faye and Spike had talked to each other. Granted, they were shouting like a bunch of wild banshees, but at least there was a dialogue between them.

"_Maybe_ if you had given better directions, Jet and I would have been able to catch him," Spike yelled back at her.

"Well, _maybe_ if you hadn't have been so fucking _high_, then you would have been able to catch him then!"

The room fell scarcely quite after Faye had said that. It was out in the open, now, Spike's reoccurring habit. Ed looked on, something akin to hurt and disappointment in her features. Jet looked back and forth between the two feuding adults, wondering who'd blow their top first. Faye stared at Spike, a mix of horror from what she had said, and indignation for the situation brewing in her eyes. Spike stared daggers at the woman, and if he hadn't have made a vow to himself, he could have very well shot her were she sat.

"Fuck you, Faye. Once a bitch, always a bitch," and Spike easily walked off.

He didn't say much to her, but the way he had said what little bit he expressed was more than enough to leave the whole of the common room in a state of shock. His tone was cold enough to freeze Hell, and it was all directed at Faye. Heaving herself up and grabbing onto her crutches after Spike had left, Faye excused herself and made a beeline for her room.

Jet wanted to follow her, just to make sure that she would make it to her room without breaking down, but he decided to let her have this time to herself. Looking over at Ed and giving her a helpless shrug, he turned off the computer in front of him and pushed himself up from his chair.

Jet then walked down the hall and stopped in front of Spike's room. He thought about knocking, but decided to just walk right in, instead. He saw Spike fumbling, almost as if he was trying to hide something, and Jet shook his head and addressed him.

"You didn't have to be so mean."

"Yeah, well," Spike began as he tried to inconspicuously roll down his sleeve. "She shouldn't insist on being such a bitch."

"I'm getting pretty tired of that word," Jet sighed. "She's worried about you, Spike; we all are. You're back at this again, even after you promised us you wouldn't. So sue her if she's mad at you. I think she has every right to be."

"So what are you going to do?" Spike asked, fury hiding under his care-free tone. "Are you gonna kick me off the ship for real this time? Tell me that I'm not welcome since I don't know how to treat her? Huh? Tell me, old man?"

"There's no reason to get snarky," Jet told him.

"Don't tell me how I should feel, Jet," Spike nearly shouted as he threw his hands into the air. "I don't know what you expected from me. I don't know what _any_ of you expected from me. You're always trying to find the good in people, and I don't think there's any kind of good in _me_. And if you thought, even for a minute, that'd I'd be strong enough, or care enough about you guys, to never go back on this stuff again, then you're all a whole lot stupider than I thought you could be."

Jet gaped at Spike's words. What was happening to this man? His descent in to some sort of madness was rapid, to say the least, and Jet had no clue as to how and get him out.

"Is…is that how you really feel, Spike?" he ventured to ask.

"I don't know _how_ I really feel," Spike sighed, his burst of anger gone. "I don't want this, but then again, I don't know what I want at all. You can kick me off if you want, I wouldn't blame you. I…I'm sorry, though. I'm just…I dunno."

Spike sat on his bed and ran his hands through his hair. Even though he knew how he felt, there was no way that he could explain that to anyone else. He felt Jet watching him and briefly wondered what the older man was thinking.

Similarly, Jet wondered what Spike was thinking. From such a high to such a low, Jet witnessed his comrade go from one extreme to the other with nary a moment in between. In his mind, Spike was never okay; not since the day he first met him. But things continued to spiral out of control for the guy, and now, he was close to rock bottom again, almost as if he had never hit it to begin with. And maybe he hadn't…perhaps the worse was still just around the bend.

"Don't do this, Spike. Don't do it to us, and don't do it to yourself," Jet offered as he began to retreat.

"I don't _want_ to do this…anything, Jet…I just…I just don't know how to stop," Spike gave in return. "We all knew I'd never make it out of my twenties…why pretend like I could."

Spike stood then and bypassed Jet on his way out of the room. Jet was tempted to follow the man, if to only see him to the door, but sobs from Faye's room distracted him, and though he was torn, he went to check on her instead. He lamented on the situation as he opened the door to her room, and marveled at the speed in which things seemed to go to shit. But then again, the people on his ship usually spun fast, like out of control comets. And it was only a matter of time before one of them violently collided.

* * *

**so...a lot of emotions in this one. and most, if not all of them bad. things are getting rather intense...or intenser, i guess. well, stayed tuned to see this violent collision, and as always, thanks for stopping by!**

**phoenix**


	15. Waiting For Something

**a/n: i think that this is my favorite chapter. i'm not sure why, but i just like it best, though it is the most depressing chap, i believe. and this chapter is structured like a song-fic, so maybe that's why i like it so much. the song is "waiting for something" by sense field. i dunno, the lyrics and the melody are so different, but they work so well and really set this chapter, so if you can get a hold of the song, i suggest you do so. oh, and there will be a very mild, almost not worth metioning sex scene, so watch out. and any ooc-ness should be expected, right? good, so don't be surprised when you see it. so okay, that it...go read.**

15. Waiting For Something

**

* * *

**

_The feeling begins,  
__I never, ever want it to end._

Leaving the Bebop that night wasn't what Spike had planned, but he just couldn't stay there right now. If he did, he'd probably find Jet's secret stash and drink himself sick, or end up killing himself or Faye. So he left in a huff, if for nothing more than to breathe the air. But air wasn't what he wanted, it wasn't what his body craved. He _knew_ what he wanted, he just didn't know if he was in the right frame of mind to seek it out.

It was a mood that he was all too familiar with, though, but he didn't want to acknowledge it. He _desired_ a hit so bad, his blood was on fire from want. But wasn't the drug the reason he was trying to get away right now? He didn't know anymore. When he thought he had understood himself a minute ago, perhaps he just understood his need. He prayed for the feeling to go away, but he knew the only real way that it could.

_So I try getting high,  
__How I kept trying to fly._

It definitely wasn't a place that he frequented. The last time he'd even been to the place was to catch a bounty. But no bounties where to be caught tonight. No, what he yearned for was less elusive, but so much more dangerous. Turning the corner, Spike found himself in Tharsis City's sketchiest Red Light District. He would have preferred a more upscale section of town, but he was low on funds and thus couldn't afford much.

He casually strolled down the road and searched for what he was looking for. Spike had never gone out to hire a woman, he never had to, but tonight was different. He felt like trash, the lowest of the low, and he'd treat himself as such. Embarrassment was an easy way of putting how he felt into words, but he couldn't make himself turn away.

"Hey there, stud," a sultry voice called from behind him. "Is there anything that I can get ya?"

Spike turned to the woman and all but wrinkled his nose at her. She definitely left something to desired, to say the least. Her slick, brown hair was pulled into a semi-ratty ponytail and her face was painted with too much make up. Her halter top was the color of blood and it was slipping down dangerously low. Her skirt was less than a micro-mini, but at least she had the legs to pull it off. Classic stripper shoes elevated her height, but she still only came to Spike's cheek.

"So, you interested?" The woman almost purred.

"How much?" Spike asked, still unsure if he could go through with this.

"500 an hour. An extra hundred if you want a hit. Sound good?"

Fishing into his pocket and clutching the bills he had found lost in the back of his closet, Spike nodded to her and they headed off to the woman's pre-reserved motel room. On the way, they stopped by a liquor store, but Spike knew that no amount of alcohol would be able to squelch the part of his conscious that continued to fill him with guilt.

_Trying to make it again,  
__Recreate it with friends._

Perhaps he didn't see, or maybe he didn't _want_ to see, but the hobbling figure that was trailing him somehow went unnoticed. Faye was very thankful for that…the anonymity, at least. When she decided to follow Spike, crutches and all, Faye didn't know where the night would take them, but at the rate things were going, she'd be lucky if either of them made it out alive.

She had shuddered immensely when she saw Spike turn down Quaker Ave, knowing full well that it was the start of 'Whore Alley' as she called it. She waited for him to come back out again, more than disturbed to see a woman at his side, and then continued slowly behind him. A couple of men had dared to bother her as she trailed the two, but they quickly retreated as she shot one of them in the leg. She may have been temporarily crippled, but she wasn't helpless, that's for sure.

Staying in the shadows and wondering how he simply didn't notice she was there, Faye watched Spike and the hooker disappear behind a seedy motel door. For several moments, she hesitated, trying to decide whether or not she wanted to continue on. At the start of the night, she had thought that she would have been able to easily turn back and go home. But now that she was here, now that she knew, it was impossible for her to let it go.

_So I search for this thing,  
__The world could never bring.  
__It's the pain and the sting…_

Inside the room, the woman, who had revealed herself to be 'Bunny Boo', didn't waste any time getting down to business. She went over to the table and pulled a gram of heroin, a needle and some foil out of her purse, then removed her uncomfortable shoes. Spike put the liquor, vodka of course, down in the chair and eyed her.

"You got a light on you, baby?"

Not answering, he reached into his pants pocket and handed his lighter over. He watched as she prepared the stuff and barely heard her when she spoke to him again.

"...I said, do you want to go first?"

"Huh, oh…sure," he said in a surreal daze.

Rolling up his sleeve, Spike allowed Bunny to wrap a band around his arm, but he stuck the needle in himself. After he was done, she took the needle for herself and repeated his actions.

"Aren't you scared that I might have something?" Spike asked, disgusted that she'd take a hit off of the same syringe.

"I trust you, baby," she smiled at him.

If it wasn't for the happy buzz that the heroin had given him, he would have backed out already. After all, he had his drug, what did he need sex for? Well, because sex and drugs tend to go together, he rationalized. And he might as well go out in a blaze of glory, right? He at least owed that to himself.

_Takes its toll on my soul,  
__Stealing the feeling I know._

"No kinky stuff," Bunny said as she stood up and began to undress herself. "That costs extra. And don't be too rough, either…I'm just a little woman, after all. And no kissing on the mouth. That's strictly forbidden."

Again Spike nodded as he began to strip as well. Her rules where simple enough. He wasn't into kinky and he only got rough with Faye (simply because he had so wanted to possess her). And kissing, well, he wouldn't kiss her with a ten foot pole, if that made sense to a drug-free mind.

She then grabbed his hand in hers and led him to the bed. He deftly felt her lips on various parts of his body, though he didn't overly react to any of her touches. He was crumbling on the inside, all the feeling he had was slowly seeping out of him. How had he come to this, and why couldn't he stop?

_Waiting for something to open my eyes.  
__I wait for this feeling to know I'm alive._

Faye made her way up the stairs to the motel door, amazed that she could even make it up the stairs at all. She wasn't sure what number was on the door that they had gone in to, but she knew about where it was on the floor. Stopping in front of what she was sure was it, Faye reluctantly placed her ear against the door and strained to listen for any type of sound.

What she heard was what she partly expected, but hadn't wanted to hear either way. Grunts and groans and creaks of a rickety bed greeted her senses and sent her stomach reeling. The urge to vomit was almost overwhelming, but she somehow kept it in. She looked up and around, trying to gauge whether or not this was the door, but no matter how hard she tried to make it not so, Faye couldn't deny that this was the room.

She tried to stay standing, tried to be strong, but Faye didn't have that kind of strength at the moment. She slid down to the ground, hoping that the cluttering of her crutches didn't make too much noise. Faye had no idea that Spike was capable of something like this…this was something the she never wanted to know.

_Waiting for something to open my eyes.  
__I wait for this feeling to know I'm alive._

On the other side of the door, Spike was atop the woman named Bunny, rocking himself in and out of her, unable to register what he was doing. The woman under him made encouraging sounds, boasting that he was doing a good job, but he doubted she was putting on anything more than an act.

She was repulsing to him, but he couldn't pinpoint why, exactly. It could have been because she was what she was: a whore. Or it could have been because of what she wasn't…she wasn't Faye. No, she was too hard, too raw; too _empty_ to be Faye. In the end, Spike determined that he was disgusted only at himself.

_You'll know where to start,  
__Piece together the hearts that were thrown away broken,  
__Run over and stolen._

He didn't know why he had started, since he already knew that he couldn't finish. This woman wouldn't get him off, he wouldn't _allow_ this woman to get him off. She must have sensed that, too, because she gently pushed him off of her.

"Must be your first time, huh?" She asked as she began to replace her clothing.

"Hn," was Spike's quick response. He was torn between humiliation at his inability to deliver, and the fact that he had even began this whole catastrophe in the first place.

"It's okay, baby…most first timers can't finish. It's no biggie."

Spike was quickly starting to hate being referred to as "baby", he rued, as he pulled on his pants. He dug in his pocket for her payment and handed the woolongs over to her. Taking the bills and stroking his hand in the process, Bunny gave him an appreciative smile and went into the bathroom to perfect her appearance.

_We could find away... find away...we could find away...  
__Find away... fine away…find away. Find away._

Going to his suit jacket, Spike fished in the pockets and was slightly comforted when his fingers brushed cold steel. He was tired at failing at something so simplistic, and maybe tonight he'd be able to go through with it. Either way, he'd find a method to suit his madness, and maybe he'd finally release the deadly hold he had on the people who said the cared for him so much. Yes, he'd find a way…the best way he thought he could save himself.

_Waiting for something to open my eyes.  
__I wait for the feeling to know I'm alive._

Exiting the bathroom, looking as she did when Spike had met her, Bunny grabbed up her purse, kissed Spike lightly on the cheek, and bid him farewell. She told him he could have the room until tomorrow morning, seeing as though he was her last customer for the night. Spike made no real move to prove that he heard, but waved her along anyway.

Opening the door and then closing it behind her, Bunny almost tripped over the body that sat beside the door. She looked down and gasped, which wasn't a normal reaction for a seasoned street walker like herself. She stared at the woman that was sobbing on the ground, crutches by her side and her leg in a cast.

"Um…can I get you anything, honey?" The hooker reluctantly asked.

"What, no," Faye choked out as she stared up.

For a moment, the women's eyes made contact and something unspoken transferred between them. Bunny almost apologized and Faye almost accepted, and then their sight disengaged and the woman walked away. Faye was then left there to decide what to do next. She could stay, or she could leave. Shaking her head, Faye decided to go. What would Spike want with her, anyway? He _had_ gone out this night to replace her in any case, right?

_Waiting for something to open my eyes.  
__I wait for the feeling to know I'm alive._

Looking around the now empty room, Spike tried to figure out how he'd go about this. First, he took the gun out of his jacket and made sure that the barrel was full. Every chamber was occupied, so he'd have several chances in case he missed. Setting the weapon on the night stand, he then went over to the vodka in the chair, somewhat upset that he had forgotten it until now.

Unwrapping one of the plastic hotel cups, he poured in some of the liquid and was just about to drink it, when he remembered it was hot. And Spike wasn't a big fan of hot vodka. So he fumbled around for a while until he found the designated bucket and resigned himself to getting some ice. Slipping on his shoes and forgoing his shirt, Spike grabbed up the empty pail and headed out to get those cubes.

_Find away…find away…_

He hadn't expected to see Faye struggling to stand up, though. He hadn't expected to see Faye at all. Dressed in an old t-shirt of his and a cut-off pair of his sweat pants as well, he briefly wondered if he should give her a hand. But instead, the two stopped and stared at one another; a million things needing to be said, but not a word coming out. He could see it in her eyes, the heart that he had broken. And she could see it in _his_ eyes, the heart that was shattered. She wanted to run to him and hold him in her arms, and he wanted nothing more than to be held by her. But neither of them made the move to do so. They were simply strangers now, wholly unaccustomed as to what to do.

_You'll know where to start,  
__Together with hearts…_

"What are you doing here, Faye?" He asked in almost disbelief.

"I…I don't know," she truthfully answered him. "I just…I just…Christ, Spike…I don't know."

He watched her as she turned around, never once daring to wipe the tears from her eyes. He thought he had prepared himself to let her go, to watch her walk away from him. That was, after all, what he had wanted all along, right? To prove to her that he wasn't good enough, to get her to walk away from him. But seeing her turn away, to think that she was actually giving up on him was suddenly _way_ too much and entirely too real.

"Faye," he called after her. "Please…don't go. I…I don't want to be alone tonight, Faye. I'm…I'm afraid of what I might do if you go."

Faye stopped and sighed. Isn't this what he wanted? She was sure of it, until she heard the tears in _his_ voice. Barely restrained, he was actually calling out for her. Faye wasn't sure if that had ever happened before. She faced him again and was almost caught off guard by the look on his face. He was lost…but he had always been lost. He had just masked it much better before. The tears that now streamed down his face broke her heart all over again, but for him, she would continually let it happen.

Not saying a word, Faye got a better handle on her crutches and limped into the room. A sigh of possible relief was heard behind her as Spike closed the door after them.

_Thrown away broken, run over and stolen,  
__Thrown away broken…_

She wasn't going to question him, not tonight at least. She was just going to stay and hope to help him make it till tomorrow. She ambled to the bed and pulled off the sheets, then flopped down as she ignored the filth. Snooping with bum legs was harder than she had anticipated and she was thoroughly worn out. As Spike kneeled in front of her and wrapped his arms around her, though, Faye was suddenly wide awake again.

Spike wasn't sobbing, he wasn't crying; he was weeping as he clung to her. Fountains of tears and violent shudders ran through him and into Faye. He muttered some things that she couldn't quite hear and held her so tightly in his grip. He was holding her almost as if he was afraid that she would up and leave him. But he didn't realize that she couldn't do that. Faye loved him entirely too much. And as sick and twisted as it was to say, she only loved him even more in his moments like this.

Assuring him that she wasn't leaving, Faye got him to let her go just long enough for her to climb fully into the bed and rest her back against the headboard. As soon as she was settled, Spike latched on to her again. She stroked his hair and held him tightly, proving through her actions that she wasn't done with him just yet.

_Waiting for something to open my eyes.  
__I wait for the feeling to know I'm alive._

His sobs eventually ebbed and he was left with hiccups and sighs. He still hadn't said a word to her, but Faye was fine with the silence this time. It was a different kind of quite than how he'd treated her before. This time, instead of pushing her away, the silence served to draw her in.

Remembering how her mother would comfort her when she was upset as a child, Faye filed through her memories a picked a song to sing. It was an ancient Earth song, no surprise there, and she didn't know half of the words to it. But she remembered the chorus and that would be enough. Because Spike would never ask of her, more than she could give.

"And I won't bend, and I won't break," she softly began, "but some day soon, we'll sail away. To innocence, and the bitter end."

Spike chanced a look and glanced up at her, unaware that there was a songbird inside her as well. He saw her smile down at him and something in that smile calmed him considerably. Resting his head back on her stomach, he closed his eyes and fell asleep as he listened to her sing.

"And I won't break, and I won't bend, and with the last breath we ever take, we're gonna get back, to the simple life again."

Her voice was breaking by the end, and Faye was glad that that was all she remembered. And besides, Spike had drifted into sleep by then, and she needed to conserve herself for the morning.

_Waiting for something to open my eyes.  
__I wait for the feeling to know I'm alive._

Reaching over and grabbing the gun she had noticed on the table when she entered the room, Faye picked up Spike's Jericho and opened up the chamber. Tears sprung from her eyes as she noticed that every slot was full, every bullet ready to kill. He was going to do it tonight, and Faye was more aware of that then ever. If she hadn't followed him, he could be…he could be dead right now.

Removing herself slowly from Spike's grasp, Faye hobbled to the bathroom and flushed the bullets down the toilet. They didn't all go down, but at least they were out of the way. She then went back to the bed. Staring at Spike as he subconsciously felt for her, Faye looked on, unsure as to whether she should smile or scream. Going for the former, she let a sad smile befall her lips and she realized that even through the grime of his actions, Spike was still the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. So beautiful, and yet simultaneously so tragic. But that was her cowboy…that's how it had to be.

Climbing back into bed, Faye fell into his grasp and watched him settle, content now that she was back. Putting a hand on his cheek, Faye was happy just to _feel_ him. She mused that he needed a shave and kissed his forehead gently. She then settled into a comfortable position, but refused to go to sleep. Tonight she'd be his peeper, if for no other reason then to look.

_Find away…find away.

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_

**and that's that chapter. tres sad, no? it definitely makes me tear up, and i wrote if for goodness sakes. oh, and the bit of song that faye sung was 'simple life' by elton john. it's a real good song. so, i can only imagine what the morning will bring for these two. only time will tell. well then, thanks for stopping by.**

**phoenix**


	16. Explanation is What I Owe

**a/n: so, it's the morning after, so to speak. i guess it's time to see how spike's gonna talk himself out of this one. or maybe he'll just finally own up to what he's been doing. i dunno...i guess you'll just have to read and see. oh, and once again, fair warning, there's a whole lotta spike talk going on. but it's totally necessary, in my opinion. but i guess you'll just have to read and decide for yourself.**

16. Explanation is What I Owe

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As was the scene in many a movie, morning light streamed brightly through the slit in the curtain-covered window. The slice of filtered sunshine illuminated the dank room and fell upon the forms that were resting on the bed. Birds didn't sing in this part of town, so the sound of angry car horns would have to do. The noise of slamming doors and shouts in the parking lot added to the dawn drone, but somehow, not everyone was disturbed by it.

Back inside the little room, where the strangers lay together, the lanky man shifted languidly, and turned on his side. In the process, his elbow made contact with the woman beside him, and an unappreciative groan escaped her lips. Her eyes then fluttered open, as if she remembered something, and she carefully pulled her arm from around the waist of the man.

Blinking in the sudden brightness of the room, Faye sat up in the bed, careful not to rouse Spike. She fumbled with the remote, which was attached to the nightstand by a reinforced rope, and turned the vid screen on. To her relief, the volume was turned down, which allowed her to flip quietly through the stations. Finally landing on a network with a clock, she was able to check the time.

"Seven thirty-two," she grumbled.

Rubbing at her eyes and yawning lightly, she sighed as she realized that she had fallen asleep. She had meant to stay awake all night so she could watch Spike, but her weary body decided to override her decision and fall asleep anyway. Looking over at the man that lay next to her, Faye smiled a little at the way he was laying. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary about him as he slept, and that's why Faye enjoyed watching him so much.

It was a dirty little secret of hers, and he was probably guilty of it too, but Faye loved to watch Spike sleep. He was almost normal, definitely not the man he was when he was awake. In sleep, he seemed peaceful and all of his problems disappeared in those few hours he was out. Though Faye would never actually _want_ Spike to be so peaceful and carefree, it was a treat to see him that way every now and again. He wasn't resting so peacefully at that moment, so she noticed, but then again how could he be, considering what he had been through.

A rumble from her stomach brought Faye out of her thoughts, and it dawned on her that she had completely forgotten about eating dinner last night. After the fight with Spike over the bounty, she had been too distraught to eat. And then she had followed him when he disappeared, and that certainly didn't leave her with the option to dine. Now, however, her empty stomach was angrily reminding her of that.

She lazily rolled herself out of the bed and chanced hurting herself further, instead of submitting to her restrictive crutches. She hobbled over to the table to see if there was anything edible left over in the bag of liquor, but the alcohol was the only thing available.

"Not my ideal breakfast," she said dryly as she uncapped the vodka and took a little sip. "Gah! This stuff could take down a horse."

Putting the bottle back on the table, Faye turned around and saw that Spike was searching blindly for her again. A part of her wanted to go back to him and ease him for a while longer, but the other part of her (the part that won out), stayed put. She wanted to see what he'd do if he thought she was gone. She wanted to see if he _really_ wanted her to be there.

So she continued to watch him, and when his preliminary grasps produced nothing more than air, he suddenly sat up in and turned, almost frantic in his search for her. Faye sighed as she watched him, and Spike must have heard her. He stopped his movements and looked towards her, and when he finally focused and realized who it was, he quickly turned away. Faye couldn't decide what he was feeling at the moment, but she hobbled back over to him, anyway.

He felt the dip in the bed but didn't look over at her, the feeling of shame was too overwhelming at the moment. Fully turning his back to her, Spike moved to the edge of the bed and stared blankly at the wall. He heard her moving and felt her getting closer to him, but didn't acknowledge her there. When her hand touched his bare shoulder, he pulled away almost violently and walked away from her and the bed.

He could feel her eyes on him as he left her where she sat, and wondered what she thought of him. He didn't really want to know, though; he didn't want to know that she hated him. At least not yet. Feeling dirtier than he ever had before, Spike entered the bathroom and quietly closed the door behind him. The tiny room, though cleaner than he had anticipated, still could have used another dousing of bleach. But he shrugged off the thought, since no amount of soap and water could effectively clean his soiled body.

* * *

Faye had felt as if she was stung, by the way Spike had reacted to her touch. What was she, acid? She saw him go into the bathroom after that, and was very hesitant to let him be in there alone. Chances were that he was simply taking a shower, as the sound of water filled the room, but in his current state, Faye could think of at least two good ways for Spike to kill himself in there. 

She decided to trust him, though, for reasons she couldn't even try to explain, and she'd soon see how that trust would pay off. Sitting in the middle of the bed, Faye absently drummed her fingers on the sheets. The thought crept into her mind, then, just what exactly had happened on those sheets. With a sour look on her face, Faye all but hopped out of the bed and hobbled back over to the chair. The likelihood was great that the chairs weren't too clean, either, but they were better than the bed that housed the aftermath of what Spike and that _woman_ did there. Thankful that she somehow still had her shoes on, Faye helped herself to a cigarette from Spike's discarded pack on the table and gladly lit up.

A little less than ten minutes later, a watered down Spike emerged from the bathroom. A surprisingly white, fluffy towel, was wrapped around his svelte waist and his wet hair hung heavily around his face. Faye mused that his hair had grown out, seeing as though the longest portions reached his shoulders when wet, and found that she had missed that toned body much more than she had realized. Though it had only been about three months since their relationship, and subsequently everything else, had gone to pot, it felt more like three decades now that she thought about it.

Trying to advert her eyes though, Faye turned her head and pretended to read the contents on the vodka bottle. The last thing she needed right now was to be turned on by him, though the time for that might have already passed. But as far as she knew, he didn't want anything like that from her. Hell, he probably didn't want _anything _at all from her, if she judged him by the way he had treated her.

Out of the corner of her eye, Faye watched as Spike stood in the middle of the room, then approached the bed, then went back to where he originally was. He was grappling with something, it was easy enough to tell, but _what_ he was grappling with was much harder to discern. Finally settling for sitting on the bed, Spike sat facing Faye, a light cough escaping him. Perhaps that was a gesture for Faye to look at him, but she preferred to wait until he verbally addressed her.

"You're still here," he said, his voice slightly rough with sleep.

She looked at him straight on now, trying to decipher what he meant. He wasn't looking at her, though, so it made it more difficult for her to get a hold on him.

"Did you want me to leave?" She asked him, not knowing how else to respond.

"Why are you still here?" He asked without hesitation.

"You…you asked me to stay here; with you," Faye said as if she was trying to remind him of his actions.

His left leg slightly bounced up and down and he tried hard not to focus on the woman across from him. He was so nervous around her now, which wasn't an every day feeling for him, and he tried his best to keep his cool.

"I know what I asked, I just thought…I guess I thought you'd be gone by now."

"Why would you think that?" She frankly asked.

"I don't know…I mean…why _did_ you stay?" He sort of blurted out. Spike wasn't sure what they were going to accomplish with this little run around, but he'd keep jogging the laps if he had to.

"Because you asked me to," was Faye's simple answer.

Gasping lightly at her sincere tone, Spike fought up the courage to actually look at her. Taking in her form in the chair, her silhouette so familiar and once so comforting, Spike felt almost as if he was remembering her all over again.

"You stayed…just because I asked you to?"

"Yes."

"But why? I've asked you to do a lot of things and you weren't so quick to do them then."

"I did it because I love you."

His next question died in his throat as he processed what she had said. It wasn't the first time those words had come from her mouth and been directed at him, but this time around, they were a little harder to grip.

"Love or _loved_?" He probed.

"Just because you can stop feeling for me that easily," Faye began, wondering where he got the audacity to question her on this, "doesn't mean that I can do it, too. You may not love me anymore, but it's going to take a little more time for me to get over you!"

Looking on silently, Spike watched as Faye worked herself into a tizzy. Tears almost instantaneously welled in her eyes and angered hurt flashed across her irises.

"I never said I didn't love you," Spike all but spat at her, irritation springing into him as she doubted him.

"Well, you bastard, actions tend to speak louder than words!" She threw back at him.

This wasn't how Faye had pictured their conversation was going to be when they both woke up that morning, but yelling at one another seemed to be the most natural thing for them to do. Perhaps they insisted on yelling because it was the best way to express how they felt.

"Damnit, Faye!" Spike exclaimed as he stood up from the bed. His emotions where running wild due to the situation and withdrawal, and even if he tried, there would still be much yelling this morning. "This is _exactly_ what I wanted to avoid!"

"And what is 'this' that you were trying to avoid!" Faye fumed as she tried to resist the urge to stand on her still healing legs.

"_This_, this fight! This _everything_! I was trying to get you to leave me, so you wouldn't have to think that I had stopped loving you, because quite frankly, I'd still love you even if it killed me!"

"Leave_ you_? You were the one who wanted to leave _me_! Why else would you act like I was invisible? Why else would you go fuck another woman huh? And let's not even got started about last night!"

"I never meant to 'fuck another woman', that just happened!"

"No, Spike, burning the lasagna; _that_ just happens. Your dick falling into another woman; _that_ is a planned event!"

"And what would _you_ know about it!" Spike shouted back, his voice elevating a bit more. "Have _you_ been as faithful as you're pretending to be? Was that kid even mine to begin with!"

With those words, Spike all but clamped his hands over his mouth. The look on Faye's face was one of unmitigated shock. Had he really just said that? What in the hell was he thinking? Christ, there was no amount of damage control that was going to smooth this over, he thought.

"Jesus, Faye, I…I, that's not what I meant."

He slowly approached her, not sure if he should get too close. He cringed as he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks, and cursed himself for making her cry once again.

"Is that why you stopped caring so easily?" She asked with bitterness in her voice.

"Faye, I swear that's not what I meant. It…it just came out," he almost pleaded with her.

"It just _happened_, right?" She cruelly taunted, venom lacing her words.

"Fuck, Faye," Spike said with an exasperated sigh as he sat in the other chair at the table. "Just listen to me for a second, kay? No interruptions…just let me say this."

Reluctantly agreeing, Faye gave him a stiff nod and resigned herself to hearing him out. It _was_ what she wanted, after all: an explanation. She could only imagine what he'd have to tell her, though.

Seeing her agree to hear him, Spike sucked in a deep breath and prepared to tell her everything. He still wasn't positive what "everything" was yet, but they'd both know by the end of this. He didn't even quite know where to start. But she deserved an explanation for everything he had put her through, and he deserved to try and truly understand why he had done things this way in the first place.

"Okay," he began as he leveled his gaze with hers, "the thing with Delilah, that's what her name was, was never supposed to happen. See, when I started going out after you got home from the hospital, I went to the same bar night after night and there was this waitress there. She always brought me my drinks and one night she stopped and talked to me.

"I don't know why I went home with her and I don't know why I slept with her, but I promise you that it didn't mean anything to me. I…I guess I can't say that 'it just happened', or that 'I didn't want to', I mean, I guess a _part_ of me wanted to. But I honestly don't know _why_. That's the million woolong question, and I just don't have an answer for that.

"I guess I was just confused. I still am. That's not an acceptable answer, either, but I think it's the only way I can explain it. I…I was confused by how I felt and how I reacted after…after the baby died."

He saw visibly Faye stiffen as he started on the topic of their child. It would be the first time that they ever actually talked about what had happened, and neither knew how this would turn out.

"After the baby…well, died, I guess it hit me a lot harder than I thought it could. This was my _kid_, after all, but I didn't realize just how much I loved it…him, already. It's like I was afraid that having a kid would, you know, make me soft, and I was trying to 'be a man' and be strong…for you, I guess.

"I didn't want to cry and harp on the fact that we lost the baby, because that would never bring him back. And after wallowing in the past for so long, myself, I didn't want you stuck there, either. I see now that I went about things in such a wrong way. You're emotional, and I'm glad you are, when I think about it, but I thought that I was going to be so uncomfortable with you thinking about that all the time. I…I never thought about how _I_ would feel if I thought about it all the time, so I didn't.

"But I'll say it now, and I'll swear it to you: I loved our son. I still do, and I would have given absolutely anything to have saved his life. Losing him, though, was like a total blow to me and my confidence, or whatever. I was your boyfriend," he paused, noticing Faye's strained look at the word "was", "and I was his father, and as the man, I was supposed to protect both of you.

"I failed at that, though. Like an idiot, I let you put your life at risk to go after that asshole. I _knew_ that something was off, but I didn't listen to that. And when I realized that I couldn't keep you safe, I freaked out. What good could I be if I couldn't even save you, let alone our kid?

"I just started to shut down after that, I guess. I had fucked up big time in my mind, and I figured that I might as well just give up. When I…when I started this relationship with you, I was hesitant. I was just out of rehab and still kind of screwed up from that shit. And I was still thinking about Julia. I loved the woman, so I wasn't gonna forget about her _that_ easily."

Faye looked away from him then, as he confirmed her thoughts about _her_. There was no winning when Julia was around, so it seemed to her.

"But I promise you, Faye, I loved you more than I did her. I _love _you more than I did her. Julia was a sweet woman and she knew how to treat me right. You, on the other hand, are a complete loon most of the time and you hardly ever do anything I tell you to. And that's why I love you more, because you challenge me every step of the way. You don't let me get away with shit that other women would, and I appreciate you so much for that.

"That doesn't mean that Julia's just going to disappear from my mind, though. She really was my first real...love, i guess you could say. But then came the parallels to the situations between you and her. I couldn't protect her, and I couldn't protect you. And I'm tired of losing the people that I care about. _That's_ why I started treating you so bad. I wanted to prove to you that I was as useless as I felt I was.

"No matter what I did, though, you forgave me. I have no idea how you could be okay with what I did, but you were, and that made me so mad. You were supposed to hate me, but that wasn't the case. Hell, you even followed me, crutches and all, waited by the door while I fucked some whore, and then stayed with me all night long. And what for? All because you loved me. Now how does that make me feel?"

By then, Faye had brought her eyes back up to his again. The things that he was saying, as outrageous and crazy as they may have sounded, somehow made sense to her. But then again, Spike _always_ seemed to make sense to her.

"It's almost like you felt obligated to love me, or something, and I didn't need your pity; I didn't want it. And even though there was absolutely nothing to suggest that you felt you had to feel that way, I guess I was too down on myself to see it otherwise. When you saw me with Delilah at the restaurant, though, I was positive that you'd finally see me that way that _I _see me, and that would be the end. Hell, it almost was, just not the way I had planned.

"I swear, I don't know how many prayers I said, but it was a lot. I'm tempted to believe that a God _does_ exist, though, since you're here with me now. But seeing that car…," Spike wasn't even able to get the words out, it was still all too real for him, "my heart stopped. To lose you, too, was just going to do me in, I knew it."

Once again, Faye stared on at him. As far as she knew, he didn't care about her accident and what it did to her, but to hear him actually say thoes things...to hear him say that his heart stopped for _her_, turned her previous thoughts on their side.

"I never left your room while you were in that coma, do you know that? I was afraid that if I left, you'd die, and I refused to let you die alone. Even though the doctor said that you would be fine, I wasn't going to believe it until you woke up. And when you did, I wasn't able to be around you, knowing you were there because of me. I was disgusted with myself for your accident and everything else before that, but I was even more angry at some of the things I was thinking.

"I realized fast that I'd miss you so much more than our baby, and I felt like shit for thinking that. I shouldn't have felt that way, I guess, but I did. I know that it makes sense that I'd miss you more, seeing as though _you've_ been with me through so much, but I still hated myself for thinking that.

"And then I started drinking again. I hadn't meant to, but I was so bummed out and down on myself, there was no way I could have said no. The first night I took my first drink again, was the same night I took my first hit again, too. I…I didn't get overly addicted this time around, if you could tell. I was still freaked out by how bad I got last time, so I just shot up a couple of times a week. It was self-control, even in the slightest bit. Some of the things the doc said back in rehab stuck well enough to keep me mostly sober.

"It doesn't change the fact, though; I relapsed. I'm sorry. And I'm hoping that sounds sincere, because I'm really trying to make it that way. I also gotta say it to Jet and Ed, too, but your forgiveness means the most to me right now."

Again, tears fell from Faye's eyes and Spike noticed that her eyes turned an amazing shade of sparkling jade when she cried. But he'd be okay if he never saw her eyes like that again, if it meant that she wouldn't cry.

"The reason I left last night was, well…by the bullets in the toilet, I guess you know why. Was I going to take the coward's way out? Hell yes, but I wouldn't be able to hurt you anymore. That's really all I wanted, all this time, was to stop hurting you. Guess I went about it the wrong way, huh?

"If…if it's any consolation, I couldn't 'perform' last night. I'm sure it really doesn't make you feel any better, but at least you know that I'm only 'mind-blowing' when I'm with you." An optimistic smile graced Spike's lips, then, as he hoped the joke would go over well with Faye. Her eye roll was a welcome sight.

"I would have preferred that you didn't see what you did last night," he began again in seriousness, "but I'm so glad you came. You may very well leave me now, and Christ knows I wouldn't blame you, but it's like you were my…well, I'm not going to call you my angel, you raise too much hell for that, but you were like my life preserver.

"I remember when I was deep into heroin, I heard Jet say something about not being able to save someone who willingly jumped overboard. Well, I don't think you showed up just by chance and I don't wanna drown anymore. I think the whole death thing is getting pretty old for me. And even if you're not gonna be a part of it anymore…maybe I'll stick with living for a while. I got nothing else better to do, after all."

He tossed a wink to the woman across from him and roughly swallowed his steadily drying throat. He reached for the vodka bottle to quench his thirst with, but quickly recoiled his hand as he remembered his sobriety…or lack there of at the moment. That was quite a monologue he had gone through, but those where things that had desperately needed to be said. When he heard himself say those things aloud and to Faye, he was convinced that his course of action was a stupid one, but then again, Spike was prone to stupid ideas more often than not.

Not sure what to say, or if there were words to be said in general, Faye gaped at the man across from her, amazed that she hadn't realized just how much he was hurting. Too wrapped up in her own grief over the loss of their baby, she had totally ignored his. She had believed that he didn't care, which was so far from the truth. And her inability to read him had allowed him to get into the current state that he was.

With the weight off his chest, the familiar feeling of guilt began to wash over Faye. What had _she _done? How had she let him get like this? Doing the only thing that she saw fit, Faye stood up on wobbly legs and all but launched herself into Spike's bare arms. It was an awkward position that she captured them in, with her barely on his lap in the small chair, but Spike held on to her nonetheless, both of them missing each other too much to be affected by the uncomfortable pose.

He held her while she cried, as he wondered why he was so afraid to let her express this emotion around him before. She held on equally as tight and felt his quieter tears drip through the shirt she wore. They both clung to each other in those moments, whereas Spike was the only one doing the clinging last night. But they didn't question one another, they just melted into each others embrace.

"What are you crying for?" Spike asked her light-heartedly.

"What am I _not_ crying for?" She answered him, not as calmly as he had spoken. "I mean, all this time, I'm thinking that you don't give a damn about me or the baby, and then you tell me all of _this_? And you think _you're_ the one who feels bad? You think _I'm _the one who feels obligated to love _you_? Christ, Spike, what are we doing to each other?"

Suddenly falling back into his protector role, realizing that he had probably never fallen out of it, he pulled Faye closer to him and stroked her back, taking comfort in the comfort he hoped he provided her.

"Don't try to take my glory, Faye," Spike said, nudging her playfully. "This isn't your fault. None of it. I was the screw up, and I let myself get this bad, _not_ you. You tried to save me, and I wouldn't let it happen. But you're the reason I'm still here, so don't ever blame yourself for what I've done.

"And I guess we're just doing what we're supposed to be doing. At least for us, I guess. We're not normal, Faye," he chuckled lightly as he kissed her hair. "I think there's something about all this trouble that we go through for each other, that gets us off, or something. Masochists is what some would call us, I'm sure. But the shit that we put each other through seems to bring us back together in the end, so I don't question it. If…if you don't want to be a part of that anymore, though, than I totally understand, but I…"

"Stop trying to get rid of me," Faye said as she lifted her head to look at him. "If I haven't left you yet, then chances are, I'm not going to. Maybe I really am a masochist…or maybe I just love you too damn much."

Smiling at her, really smiling, Spike rested his forehead against hers and sighed an amazing sigh of relief. Though all of his fears were unfounded, and all of his antics wholly ridiculous and unnecessary, it looked like he'd break even. Maybe he'd learn a real lesson this time, that he didn't have to make his life hell. Maybe he'd finally realize that it was okay to love the woman in his arms, and that it was okay to just take life as it came at him.

"For the record, though," Faye began, "I don't think I really forgave you for the things you did. But...but I think I just chose to forget about them, instead."

"That doesn't make sense, Faye," Spike said as he slightly tensed at the subject.

"Yes, it does," she insisted. "I forgot because I didn't want to deal with it. I guess I thought that if it wasn't brought up anymore, then it wouldn't be a problem. And if it wasn't a problem, then we would be able to move on and stay together. It didn't quite work out that way, though..."

"Yeah...sorry about that."

"...Well," she started a few seconds later, "you're here with me, now...so I guess it all evens out in the end."

Nodding, Spike let out a little sigh, one of something kind of like relief.

"As for the baby...I...I'm glad you loved him. I loved him, too."

"Yeah..." Spike said, not sure if he could keep tears for his child from falling.

"Is it okay, though, if I don't really want to talk about that right now, though?"

"That's very fine," he reassured her.

Nodding slightly, Faye lay her head on his shoulder, as he lay his head on hers, and the two sat in silence for a while.

"Did you brush your teeth?" Faye asked him a few minute later, seemingly out of the blue.

"I don't have a toothbrush…why?" He asked suspiciously.

"Well, I kinda want to kiss you, since it's been a while and all, but I'd rather not kiss that woman, too," she smirked in an almost scathing way.

"Her name was 'Bunny Boo'. I was pretty desperate, wasn't I?"

"Bunny…Boo?" Faye uncharacteristically giggled. "You're joking, right?"

"Scout's honor," he said as he held up two fingers.

"Scout my ass. They'd never let you into the boy scouts."

His smile turned into a light grin as he pulled her into a simple hug. He didn't hug her nearly enough, he realized, and vowed to do so much more in the future.

"I guess I'll get dressed then, I'm very ready to get out of here and back home," he said as he helped her stand up.

"Because this place is so gross?" Faye asked.

"No…because I want to kiss you so bad," he said as he flashed her his trademark Spike Spiegel smirk.

All she could do was flick his slightly upturned nose and laugh at her cowboy and his interesting sense of humor.

* * *

**so, emotional enough? angry enough? enough enough? i hope this whole chapter was believable. i didn't want lots of fights and all that jazz, b/c i think that in a situation like this, spike and faye are beyond fighting. i dunno...this is how i wanted it to go, so i hope it translated well to you all. so hopefully these two will get back home soon. i bet jet's pretty angry with their disappearances. **

**and to **ayesha**, i'm glad you liked the way things happened in the last chapter, instead of faye beating spike to a bloody pulp. although, that wouldn't have been a terrible alternative, i think. **

**okay, until next time then, and thanks for stopping by.**

**phoenix**


	17. Returns and Exchanges

**a/n: so, i think it's about time for spike and faye to get back home and get on with life. how about you? well, let's hope things start to go better for these guys, cause goodness knows they deserve it.**

**and i decided to update today, in hopes that this ridiculous site has gotten its act together and stop being absolutely terrible. so in other words, i only got one review for the last chapter, and had the nerve to actually take that review away from me, which was totally weird. so...perhaps 2 reviews will leave me with an average of 1 this time around...eh, who know. i'm getting tired of this site. well, enough gripping and get to reading.**

17. Returns and Exchanges**

* * *

**

It was a little after noon when the two missing adults finally arrived back at the Bebop. Thankful that she had "borrowed" Jet's cash card, Faye and Spike where able to eat a cheap breakfast and take a taxi back home. As Spike held on to Faye's waist, helping her inside, they were greeted by a none too happy ex-cop.

"And where in the hell have you two been all night!" Was Jet's frustrated greeting.

"Calm down, Jet," Spike reassured. "We're back, aren't we?"

"I called _both_ your comms a hundred times," he continued, seeming to not have heard Spike at all. "The least you could have done was pick up! Christ, you two are gonna put me in an early grave!"

The couple in question looked at each other and exchanged proud glances. If anyone was going to bring about Jet's early demise, then it very well better had been them. Looking away from each other then, Spike and Faye watched as Ed came bounding into the room, happy as can be and seemingly unphased by their absence.

"Ooh, Spike-person and Faye-Faye are back," she cooed from over Jet's shoulder. "And Spike-person has his arm around Faye-Faye! Does that mean that there is no more immature, over-sexed kids fighting around here anymore?"

"Ed!" Jet groaned as he remembered the hard way that Ed had a habit of repeating what she heard.

"Well, I doubt that we'll stop fighting any time soon," Spike chuckled, "But things will probably be a little better now."

"Yay!" The girl squealed. "Better, letter, Irish Setter!"

And she took off through the Bebop again, back to airplane noises this time, instead of her choo-choo train infatuation. Jet flopped onto the couch, simultaneously relieved that Spike and Faye were back in one piece, but equally angry at them for disappearing without a trace in the first place. But realizing that trying to win with them was like trying to describe Beethoven to a deaf person, he gave up and simply shooed them away.

"And the next time you decide to up and leave without mention again," Jet yelled at them as they headed down the hallway, "you can just stay gone! And please be so kind as to leave my cash card here!"

The younger bounty hunters laughed aloud at their "Papa Jet" and told them that they were glad to see him, too.

* * *

Like the old adage says: time flies by when you're having fun. No one would necessarily say that the Beboppers were having "fun", per say, but the two months from Spike's little foray into depressed debauchery, and now, went by rather fast. In that time, not much had changed, seeing as though change wasn't a big thing on the ship, but a few things were different.

Finally off of her crutches, Faye provided the biggest physical change on the Bebop. She was fully mobile once again, which made fights for the last of the leftovers a four way struggle once again. She still walked with a bit of a limp, though, so the doctor had told her to use a cane until her walking normalized again. She was very reluctant to do so, but she had people on the ship that would literally weld the cane to her hand if she refused to use it.

Spike was changing again, too, though his were taking place on the inside. Neither Spike nor Faye had told Jet what had happened that night, and the older cowboy didn't ask, either, but it was an unsaid understanding that suggested something traumatic had occurred. But Spike was better than he was before that incident, so Jet didn't pursue the issue any further.

To aid in the adjustments in Spike's life, all of the alcohol on the Bebop had been poured down the drain or thrown away. Even Jet's secret stash. But that wasn't too surprising, seeing as though Jet's secret stashed away _anything_ was eventually used on his ship of stragglers, anyway. And though no one explicitly said anything about drugs or heroin, little subliminal messages were strewn around the ship. In the bathroom, there was a "just say no" sticker on the mirror, and in kitchen, there was a magnet on the fridge that read: my body is a temple, and I only put good things in it. Horribly tacky, to say the least, but subtly was the Bebop's middle name, after all.

In terms of relationships, specifically between Spike and Faye, it was a good thing that they didn't promise Ed that there would be no more fighting. That was an impossibility: a quiet ship, when the two of them were around. As was their way, the grown-up children fought about anything and everything. On more than one occasion, Jet had botched the pruning of his bonsais, but it was all in a days' work.

But at least Spike and Faye were talking again. And accepting each other again. No one on the ship insisted on being big talkers, and everyone was okay with that, but when one of them had something to say, they made a point to say it now. And what do you know? Communication works. Even if it leads to more fighting, which was really an inevitability; at least things would get out into the open and be worked on.

Something odd, though, was the room situation between Spike and Faye. In their relationship "pre-baby", as the eras where now deemed, the two had shared Spike's room without too much hesitation. But now, more often then not, the two would stay in Faye's room for a bit, with Spike eventually heading back to his own room to sleep. In an attempt to rebuild their relationship, which was never really _built_ at all, they decided to take things slow, despite how difficult it was to keep their hands off of each other for the time being. But they occupied themselves with other tasks, such as seeing who could cheat at poker the best.

As for money, which the Bebop seemed to always be low on, the crew was back to hunting again. Though it seemed as if really rough patches were bound to plague the ship's occupants, they always bounced back from things unfathomably fast, and ended up stronger than before. With Faye still dealing with her injuries from the accident, though, she was sidelined for a while. No one dared let her talk her way into any type of mission this time around.

So she stayed at home with Ed, and helped with the bounties that way. They were rather successful when they did things like this, which lead the men to think that Faye was a jinx in the field, and that her best place was at home on the radio. But they kept that tidbit to themselves for a while; that was a fight they could do without.

And it wasn't as if they caught more bounties than usual (since they had always been, well…not the best at what they did), but things went smoother and less stuff got damaged, which saved money in the long run, which in turn, was really one of the biggest things that the crew needed to learn about the art of bounty hunting.

All in all, life on the Bebop was what it used to be: life on the Bebop. There was no real way to describe how these misfits worked together, but they just _did_, and nobody dared to question that. So they would all thank their lucky stars for what they had and not dwell on the things that still eluded them, and existence on their ship turned home would be just about everything that they could have hoped for.

* * *

"Come on, let's go!" Jet yelled as he held open the front door. "I'm hungry and I'm ready to go!" 

After another successful hunt, Jet had totaled up their bills and was delighted to find that they actually had money left to spend on whatever they pleased. So tonight, they were going to have a big celebratory feast. There was a lot to celebrate, too, but they didn't exactly have a great track record with restaurants, so it was better to leave early, in case their first restaurant didn't work out. But Jet liked to look on the bright side, and maybe tonight, they'd even make it through dessert.

"He says he's not feeling good," Faye said as she limped into the room, cane begrudgingly in hand.

"So. I don't feel good a lot of the time," Jet chided.

"He says he's not going," she deadpanned.

Jet and Faye exchanged very nervous glances then, and had every right to do so. The last time they had decided to leave Spike at home by himself, they had all ended up in the same restaurant together, and Faye had almost died. And the time before that, Spike had almost died. Leaving him behind seemed to be harmful to a person's life, so Jet stormed towards Spike's room and decided he was going to _make_ the man come with them.

"What in the hell do you mean 'you're not going'?" Jet asked of Spike as he burst his room.

"I feel like shit," was Spike's response.

"So? What's wrong with you?"

"Stomach's upset."

"Once again, so?"

"I might not be able to keep anything down. As I recall, you've dealt with the vomit situation before, and I don't think Faye would want to be doused in it again," he smirked weakly.

"I think you're fine," Jet told him.

"Take my temp, then. If I have a fever, then I think I should stay."

"Fine," Jet sighed.

Eyeing a thermometer on the nightstand and figuring Faye had put it there; Jet scooped it up, and shoved it in Spike's mouth. As they waited for the mercury to rise, Jet briefly wondered why he had such an ancient thermometer in the first place. Had he even bought that? It didn't matter, really, but it was still an odd relic to see. A couple of minutes later, Jet removed the stick and frowned at the read-out.

"One hundred degrees even. I guess that's sick," Jet drawled. "Fine, then, Mr. Ailing; we'll just stay here."

"No," Faye and Spike said in unison. They looked at each at their joint outburst, and then went on to explain their reasoning.

"I want to go out, Jet," Faye pleaded. "You guys have kept me cooped up in this tin can and I just gotta get out!"

"Yeah, Jet," Spike interrupted. "Don't cancel because of me. I'll be fine, I swear. Don't you guys trust me?"

Once again, Jet and Faye eyed one another. It wasn't that they _didn't_ trust Spike; it was just that…he had a habit of being dangerous when left alone. Faye brought her pinky nail to her mouth and nibbled on it, a nervous habit she had picked up some time ago, so her shipmates had noticed.

"Do you _really _swear?" Jet prodded him

"Every damn day," Spike joked.

"God, what a lunkhead," Faye mumbled in kind.

Giving in and deciding to give him one more chance, the two skeptical adults reluctantly agreed to let him stay home. He had to keep his comm. on, though, and pick up every time they called, which would be every few minutes, the reassured him.

So leaving their recovering addict alone, all by himself, with no one but Ein to watch over him again, Jet, Faye, and Ed hesitantly left him be. It wasn't going to be an easy dinner for them, since the thought of what _could_ happen would be lurking in the forefront of their minds all evening, but Spike had asked for them to trust him, and they were still willing to give that much to him.

* * *

As he heard the door close and the ship quiet down, Spike sat up in bed and was relieved to know that that old 'thermometer on the light bulb' trick still worked. Thank God that Jet didn't check the mercury level before hand, or question the origins of the old gauge, either.

Rolling out of bed, Spike dropped to his knees and reached underneath, fiddling for the stuff. Finding what he was looking for, he pulled it to himself and smiled at his stash. He had to hurry, though, if he was going to have this all said and done by the time the others got back. He wanted to not have to worry about them finding him midway through, and stop him from what he was doing.

Checking things over and making sure that everything was there, Spike looked up as Ein waddled into his room. The little dog wasn't excited by the prospect of being left alone with this particular man, and Spike's suspicious behavior didn't put his little data dog's mind at ease, either. Eliciting a few unsure whimpers, Ein looked on helplessly, wondering what he was up to, now.

Smiling at the dog, and reassuring him that everything was going to be okay, and that everything was going to work out for the best, Spike stood and gave a sigh of relief, mixed with anticipation. He grabbed up his stuff, then, and set to work. He only had a little bit of time to work with, and every second was precious.

* * *

**so the big question is: what in the hell is spike doing? wasn't he just getting back into a healthier lifestyle? and now he's doing some weird, sketchy crap that ein's not okay with. well, i guess we'll just have to wait until next time to see what he's planning on doing. and yeah, this was kind of a transitional chapter, and just my lazy way of not having to write out these two months. i think we all appreciate that, right? well, until next time then, thanks a ton for stopping by!**

**phoenix**


	18. Surprise

**a/n: so we get to see what spike was doing. let's hope it's something good, cause quite frankly, i'm tired of spike screwing up, aren't you? oh, and this fic is winding down. i believe, including this one, there's two chapters and a epilouge left. my my, where has the time gone. well, let's deal with that later, shall we?**

18. Surprise

* * *

"I'm not sure if we should have left him alone, all by himself," Faye conceded as she, Jet, and Ed walked up the ramp to the Bebop's door. 

"You're his girlfriend, Faye; aren't you supposed to have faith in him?" Jet chastised as he hid his true trepidation.

"Spike-person made a promise, and Ed believes he will keep it," the younger female defended.

"Well, here's hopin'," Faye said as she rested her hand on the doorknob.

Taking in a deep breath, she pushed the ship's door open and found the inside steeped in darkness. There was an eerie silence that wafted through the ship, and none of the people standing at the door were okay with what they felt. Venturing inside, Faye went in first, with Jet right behind her. Ed clung to Jet's shirt, somewhat afraid of the dark, yet even more afraid at what they might find.

"Spike?" Faye called out. "Are you in here? Why is it so dark?"

"If you broke something, be prepared to fix it," Jet added, hoping to flush him out with false threats.

With still no answer from the man, the threesome's worry increased ten-fold. Making their way down the stairs and into the common room, Jet cursed his old ship and her lack of light switches. Faye, on the other hand, cursed herself for leaving the ship at all.

"Do you, do you think –"

"SURPRISE!"

Faye's words were cut off as a familiar voice interrupted her with a shout. The lights then flickered on and there in the middle of the common room stood Spike Spiegel, with Ein by his feet. Amidst him where floating balloons, streamers, party cups and plates, and a banner that read "Happy Birthday".

To gawk was really all that Faye, Jet, and Ed could do. Ein happily ran up to them and barked loudly to get their attention, but they were too stunned at the moment to register anything else. So _this_ is what he stayed home for? Well, it was definitely unSpike-like, but it was a much better situation to come back to.

"So, are you guys surprised?" Spike asked with a satisfied smirk on his face.

'Yay!" Ed was the first to break out of the collective stupor. "Spike-person is having a party!"

He smiled at Ed as she bounded over to him. Allowing her to capture him in her unusually strong hug, Spike watched as his two other comrades finally made their way down the stairs.

"A little while ago," he began to explain, "Ed and I actually had a real talk. She told me that she never really had a birthday party, and well, I don't think we've had one, either, excluding the one you guys gave me in rehab last year. So I decided to throw us all a joint birthday. I guess it's my way of apologizing and thanking you guys for putting up with me through all of this."

"Ed forgives you and Ed says 'your welcome'!" The teen exclaimed as she hopped happily on the couch.

"You…you did all of this…yourself?" Faye sputtered.

"I'm not _entirely_ useless," Spike smirked. "Come and sit down, I actually have presents for you guys."

"Presents, pheasants!" Ed once again happily interjected.

Making their way over, Jet (who had still yet to say anything), Faye and Ed sat on the couch and waited to see what Spike had gotten for them. They watched as he placed horribly wrapped packages in their laps and quickly decided that it was the thought that counted in this instance.

"Well go on," Spike said, a rarely seen light shining in his eyes.

Obeying, the trio opened their boxes and actually marveled at Spike's gifts. For Ed, he had gotten her piyokos, since they were her favorite, and gave her new goggles, as well. These were more high-tech with a bigger memory, which allowed for faster surfing and a more interactive atmosphere.

For Jet, Spike had purchased him a new pocket watch, one that had quartz precision and was guaranteed to run his whole lifetime. At first, Spike was unsure if Jet would appreciate the gift, since it might have brought up adverse memories of his ex-girlfriend, Alisa, but the nostalgic smile on his face proved that it was indeed a good buy.

And for Faye, the woman who was impossible to shop for, Spike bought her, what else, diamonds. Well…diamonique, at least. Not quite a real diamond, but close enough. As long as she didn't pawn it or anything, she'd never know. And one day, he'd be able to afford real diamonds for her, but for now, her diamonique tennis bracelet would have to do. The look in her eyes said that she didn't believe it was real for one minute, but the thought behind it was enough to make it more valuable the biggest diamond in the solar system.

He had even purchased a new collar for Ein. After all, the dog _did_ lay in his bloody vomit when he tried to kill himself the last time. The pup yipped his gratitude to his enemy, and pranced around in his new neck ware.

"But…but we don't have anything for you," Jet finally spoke up.

"That's not true," Spike told him. "As cheesy as it sounds, you guys have already given me the best gift I could ever ask for. You care for me. I could never repay you for that."

His comrades looked up at him and returned the appreciative smile that was on his face. They then got up and rushed him, tackling the lanky man to the ground in a loving dog pile, Ein on the top, of course. After that, they laughed and talked and were generally thankful for all that they had.

As it got late, though, Spike still had one thing left to do. He snuck away and into the kitchen, and when he came back out, he had a festive cake in his hands. Store bought (thankfully), it was a silly kids' cake with cartoon characters prancing through the frosting. Written in terrible, Spike handwriting, were the words: "Happy Birthday Ed, Faye, Jet, Ein, and Spike." He sat the cake down on the table and lit the candles on top. 

"I only put five candles on," he explained. "One for each of us. If I put our ages on, then I'd need a bigger cake. Hell, we'd need a whole cake just for Faye's candles, alone."

"Hey!" She protested as she hit him in the shoulder.

Laughing back at her, Spike lit the candles and launched into an off-key version of the birthday song. Everyone else soon joined in, and they laughed at all of the names they had to cram into the "happy birthday dear…" section.

* * *

As the night wound down, Spike began to clean up after their little celebration of life. Ed had disappeared somewhere, anxious to play with her goggles, and Faye had headed off to bed, herself. Jet stayed around and offered to give Spike a hand, and the two cleaned up together. 

"Hey Jet," Spike asked as he held the garbage bag open for the trash.

"Yeah, buddy?"

"I, uh…I was thinking about asking you something."

"Well ask away," Jet assured, noticing the edginess that was creeping into Spike's voice.

"Well, uh…you know I, uh...love Faye, right?"

"Sure."

"And, I mean…when you love someone, you want to, uh…take things to the next level, right?"

"I guess so," Jet answered, wondering what Spike was getting at.

"Okay, well, I guess I was…um…I guess what I'm saying is that... IwanttomarryFaye."

It was so quiet after he said those words that the proverbial cricket could be heard, chirping in the background.

"Marry her?" Jet asked as he sat on the couch, suddenly weighted down by the revelation

"Yeah. What do you think?" Spike probed, sitting down as well.

"Honestly?" He paused as he saw Spike nod. "Well…I don't think it's a good idea. Not yet, at least."

"But I..."

"I know you love her, Spike, and I think that's why you shouldn't marry her yet. You owe it to her, and yourself as well, to just take things slow for a while. Only a couple of months ago, you guys barely got back together. I don't think you've straightened yourself out enough, yet.

"You just move so fast with her, it's almost like you're afraid she's gonna get away if you don't act _right now_. I don't think she's going any where any time soon, since she _is_ a mooch and all, so just calm down. You see, Spike, you're kinda like a that VCR we brought back a couple of years ago…"

"What?" Spike leveled.

"Just hear me out. Okay, like that machine, there are buttons that regulate what the tape or whatever does. For a while, you were on pause, stuck in something you couldn't get away from. That was the thing with Julia. Then, you were in rewind for a while, and that was the thing with Vicious. And then you went into fast forward. That was basically your mode since you showed back up on the ship a few weeks after we thought you had died.

"You were in rewind there for a little while, but then right back into fast forward again. I think it's time to just push play, for once, and let life play out in real time. Not everything has to be 'now', because some things will still be around tomorrow. _Faye_ will still be around tomorrow. You pretend to be so laid back and carefree, why don't you actually _live _that way for a while? Just slow down a bit, before you get all screwy and you tape gets all twisted."

"I think you're taking this metaphor too far, Jet," Spike smiled as he stopped him.

"Well, you get it, right?"

"Yeah…I guess so. Maybe...maybe I _should_ just slow down, huh?"

"_I'd _appreciated it, at least."

"I think I'll trust your opinion this time around, Jet-o. I don't listen to you nearly enough, and if I don't listen to my 'Papa Jet', then who _can_ I listen to?"

"Don't call me that," Jet said with mock irritation.

"Aww, don't fret, old man, I _do_ take your advice every now and then."

Grumbling at the old man reference, Jet stood up again to finish cleaning. Smirking at his friend, Spike patted him on the shoulder and headed out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Jet called after him.

"I got something to do," he called back. "I'm sure you can clean the rest of that up by yourself, can't you?"

"I thought this was a party to appreciate all that we do for you!" Jet reminded him

"Exactly!"

Grumbling once more, Jet couldn't help but laugh at the situation. Of course he'd get stuck with cleaning; who else would willingly do it? It was a funny thing, the way the Bebop worked, but that's the way the things had to be for these misfits. Always crazy and never boring, that was life for them. And even though their existence was steeped in flaws, they were more than okay to deal with them.

* * *

**so how was that for a surprise? a good twist of events? i think so, at least. and spike wants to marry faye? how weird, right? oh well...maybe those drugs did fry his brain a little bit. i have the feeling, though, that he was a bit ooc in this chapter, and i just didn't know how make him more spike-like this time around. but you understand, right? hope so. well, i wonder what it is he's going to do now. we'll see soon, i suppose. until then, thanks for stopping by.**

**phoenix**


	19. Like A VCR

**a/n: i hate to say it, but this is the last chapter (excluding the epilouge). i guess i'll save the sappiness until then. so, spike's gonna go do, whatever it is he had to do. there's a lot of spike/faye here, more than any other chapter, i'm sure, but isn't it about time the get to spend time together? which leads me to this disclaimer: caution, there is lemony content in this chapter. is it wholly necessary? yes? (probably not). but shouldn't there be some happy sex? i think so. so go read it, and just think of it as art. oh, and faye gets to be the talkative one, for once.**

**ps - sorry for the delay. it's been a hectic week.**

19. Like A VCR

* * *

Spike had left Jet with the task of cleaning up because he figured he had something more important to do. Knocking lightly on Faye's door, he waited for her to tell him to enter, then slowly slinked into her room.

"Hey," he coolly called out.

"Hey, yourself," she smiled at him.

Walking over and sitting on her bed with her, Spike pulled Faye in for a light kiss. Releasing her sooner than she would have liked, he then kicked off his shoes and made himself comfortable as he reclined onto her pillows.

"That was a really nice thing you did for us," Faye told him as she lay down next to him.

"Well, if you tell anyone that I did something _nice_ for someone, I'll deny it," he responded.

"You just can't stand to be kind, can you?"

"It was never my strong suit."

Scooting herself into Spike's arms, Faye rested her forehead on his chest and breathed in his scent. Ever since they had gotten back together (if they were ever _really_ apart to begin with), they had spent their nights like this: in each other's arms. No outrageous make out sessions, no hanky panky (much to Spike's chagrin), but just enjoying the warmth that each other gave out.

It was difficult to believe that the two of them could be so content in such a simple moment, but the truth of the matter was, they were as close to heaven as they would ever be in those moments. There were no expectations and no disappointments, just two bodies finding comfort in each other.

Spike leaned his head down and kissed Faye's hair as his hand absently stroked her back. The dim lighting in the room, which seemed to be the normal source of lighting for just about anything in his life, added to the easy ambience of the room.

"I know I've said it before," Spike said softly, "but I really am so sorry for what I've done to you…the whole cheating and everything."

"That's the only thing you're apologizing for?" Faye joked as she poked him in his side.

"You know what I mean."

"I've already told you that I forgive you, so you can really stop apologizing, my dear Gorgio."

"I know," he began, "but I just don't see how you could forgive me for that. For _any_ of the things that I've put you throw, but _especially_ that."

"Did you love them?" Faye pointedly asked him.

"What! No! Christ, no," he sputtered as he sat up.

"Then there you have it: it wasn't about love," she said., sitting up as well "Even though you gave your body to someone else, you didn't give them your heart. From what you say, that belonged to me. And with that logic, I can forgive you. I don't know what you gained, or _thought_ you gained from any of that, but it's over and done, and let's just forget about it.

"If you _had_ loved them, then there would be a problem. A _big_ problem. Like a bullet wound from my Glock kind of problem. But with them, you were only going through the motions. Don't try to understand my compassion for you, God knows _I_ don't get it, just be happy that I forgave you."

"Thank you for that," Spike smiled at her, fully genuine in his respone.

"Any time."

"And thank you for proving to me that I'm, well…that I'm worth it, too."

"You sound like a L'oreal commercial," Faye quipped.

"A what?" Spike asked, not getting the reference.

"Nevermind," she passed.

"Okay _grandma_," Spike teased, earning himself a punch in the arm.

"As I was saying," Faye said with slight irritation. "I don't know why you didn't know that yourself, but I'm glad you finally figured it out, lunkhead."

Rolling his eyes at her, Spike poked her back and watched as she smiled.

"Seriously, though," he began, "For a while, there, I was _sure_ that I was lower than dirt, and that I didn't deserve one good thing in my life. I though that you were too good for me…"

"Which I am."

"And I didn't think it was fair for you to be with me. I'm glad you're so damn stubborn, though. Without you, I don't think I would have made it through all of this."

"Well, you had Jet and Ed, even if I wasn't there," Faye pointed out.

"Yeah, but it's not you. I don't plan to spend the rest of my life with Jet…at least not that way. And Ed…I can _still_ only take so much of that girl."

"I know what you mean," Faye agreed.

"I've put myself through a whole lotta shit over the past, what? Almost two years? And for some crazy reason, you've stuck with me. _You're_ the reason I'm still here. You pulled me out of my ruts on more than one occasion."

"I was glad to do it."

"Now, as corny and cliche as it sounds, and as much as I hate to admit that I have a soft spot for you, I only hope that I can be half as good to you, as you are to me."

"I doubt you could ever keep up with my level of kindness," she smirked at him, "seeing as though you've already exhausted your nice reserve with that party."

"Well who died and went and made you queen of Niceville?"

"You're a _real_ ass sometimes, you know that Spiegel?"

"It's a point of personal pride, thank you very much."

The two broke into healthy laughter then. They basked in the happy sounds that flowed from one another and found much comfort in what had been said. Soon the laughter receded and they were left with the subtle sounds of their breathing, which was more than enough to sustain them. Silence settled in again, and they both sighed in content unison.

"Faye?" Spike questioned a few minutes later, breaking their silence.

"Yeah?" She answered as she looked over at him.

"I got a question for you."

"Okay..."

"What would you say if I asked you to marry me?" He asked after a few seconds.

He wasn't explicitly proposing to her right then, he _had_ actually heard what Jet said, but he wanted to see what her reaction would be, just in case. Her response, however, wasn't what he expected. She was laughing. A very hearty, tear inducing laughter. Spike drew his lips into a tight line, not too pleased with her reply.

"I guess that's a 'no', then," he said with a bit of an edge.

"What?" Faye asked through receding chuckles. "Oh, no, it's not that, it's just…you would _never_ ask me to marry you!"

She barely finished her sentence before she launched into another laughing fit. Waiting for her to get it all out, Spike scooted away from her. Faye's giggles quickly subsided, then, as she noticed his change in demeanor.

"Christ, Spike…you're serious, aren't you?"

"Of course I'm not," he said quite sarcastically.

"Oh…I…I'm sorry," she whispered. "But you have to understand why I would think you were joking, right?"

"Obviously," he continued on with the sarcasm. "Since my love for you is fake and all."

"Don't get your panties in a knot," She said as scooted over and leaned her back against his. "But…you _really_ meant that?"

"Yes, Faye, I meant it," he answered with a sigh and truth back in his voice.

"And you want to know what I'd say?"

"I think your outburst said it all."

"No, Spike, it's not like that."

"Then what's it like, Faye?" He asked her, not sure if he wanted her response.

"Well, I mean…I'd be absolutely _flattered_ if you, uh…asked me to marry you. Really, I would be…but if you asked me now, I'd have to tell you 'no'."

Faye felt him stiffen behind her and for a moment, she thought he was going to move away from her and/or _really_ through a fit, but he didn't say a word. He didn't even move.

"But it's not like I'd decline because I don't love you, God no. Quite frankly, and just between you and me, I love you with everything I am. And if push came to shove, I'd be very happy to spend the rest of my life with you. But marriage? That's a _huge_ step, and I know I'm not ready for it. You're not ready for it, either.

"I mean, in a perfect world, you and I would be parents and married already (if we didn't want a bastard child an all), and our lives would be nothing like they are. But this world isn't perfect, and neither are we. But I love you like the princess loves her prince. This is no fairy tale, by any stretch of the word, and there's probably no sunset for us to ride off into.

"I'll always be with you, though, because when I'm with you, well…I'm home. I don't question why I was put in cryo anymore, because of _you_. I was in that accident, I was 'freeze-dried' as you put it, all for a reason. I'm pretty sure that reason is you. After all, _someone's_ gotta put up with your shit.

"Marriage would just screw things up for us right now. For some weird reason, that type of commitment really messes with people, and I don't want to be another statistic. And anyway, there are plenty of lifelong couples that love each other and are totally committed, but aren't married. I'm not saying that you and I will never walk down that aisle, but I just don't think we're ready for it, yet. Besides, weddings cost a fortune, and we're still basically broke.

"And I think we need to just…take it slow for a while. When I think back on things, we have definitely been in some whirlwind relationship, and I would like it if we could just calm down for a while, you know? But don't _ever_ think that I'm saying 'no' right now, because I don't love you. If that were the case, then I would have left you to Bunny Boo. You…you're my everything, Spike, whether you like it or not, and I'm not going to let you go for anything. So if you don't like it, tough; you'd better start learninig how to deal."

Upon hearing her stop, Spike let out a long sigh and cracked a light smile. As always, Jet was right, but he should have figured it out, too. They _did_ need to slow down and just take life as it came. What harm could that do, anyway? Feeling her kiss that spot above his shoulder, even through his shirt, Spike turned around and pulled Faye back into his arms. He kissed her forehead in return, and thanked her in that action.

"I guess you're right, Faye," he conceded.

"Of course I am," she preened.

"We're, uh…I guess we're kinda like a VCR, huh? We've spent so much time in fast-forward, maybe it's time that we just live in play for a while."

"You got that from Jet, didn't you?" Faye said more than asked.

"Are Jetisms _that_ easy to pick out?

"You bet your sweet ass they are."

"Hn. And speaking of 'sweet ass', we've been on good behavior for a little while, now…"

"Some longer than others," Faye pointed out.

"So…are you and I gonna…you know…any time soon?"

"Well, cowboy, if you give me a good reason, then I _might_ be willing to indulge you."

Capturing her face in his hands, then, Spike gave Faye one of his mind-blowing kisses as he pulled out all the stops, trying to give her a good reason. With expert precision and memorized ease, he deepened the kiss and slowly rolled his tongue along hers. He tangled fingers in her violet hair and rested his other hand on her thigh, grateful that she was wearing shorts.

Reluctantly leaving her all too inviting mouth, Spike trailed increasingly hot kisses along her jaw line and down the pulse in her neck. Small sounds of what seemed to be her willingness to indulge escaped Faye's slightly parted lips. Running her hands through Spike's mop of green, she pulled him closer to her.

He then made his way back up her slender neck and back the way he came. He made a detour at her mouth, though, and headed for her ear. Using his teeth, which was a dirty trick he used to "entice" Faye, he lightly grabbed hold of her lobe and gave it a little nip. As he heard her try and stymie an appreciative moan, he released her ear and whispered to her.

"So, am I giving you a good enough reason?" He asked as he hand went higher on her thigh. "Or should I stop right now?"

"No!" She all but yelled. "Don't stop now, lunkhead. If you do, I'll make you regret it."

"Yes ma'am. But if I knew it was _this_ easy to get to you, I would have done this a long time ago."

His comment was rewarded by a sharp tug of his hair, but he didn't mind at the moment. Eager to claim his woman once more, Spike grabbed the edges of the t-shirt she wore and easily slipped it over her head. Once again, he was rewarded with her bare breast. Thank God she slept braless. Running a warm, calloused hand over her newly exposed flesh, he felt her shiver under his touch and smiled into the kiss he had placed upon her.

Feeling Faye's fingers expertly undo the buttons on his shirt, Spike allowed her to slip the old, yellow shirt from his body. She then proceeded to remove his restrictive undershirt, and then touched him, too.

More than ready to get to the main event, Spike pushed Faye down onto the bed and removed her shorts and remaining under garments in one fell swoop. He took a moment to admire her now nude body in the dull lightning, taking note of the new scars that now marred her skin. Scars that had been put there because of him. In a sick way, he preferred that, as it marked her as forever his.

Moving his body over hers, he kissed her lips again. As he ran his hands softly over her heated flesh, her slight moans were turning into purrs of excitement. Deciding to indulge her more, to try and figure her out again, Spike abandoned her lips altogether and headed down her body.

He lavished kisses on her collar bone, feeling the dent from her freshly fused bones under his lips. He then continued down and lapped lazily at one of her pert nipples, while his fingers worked the other. Underneath him, Faye was beginning to buck and with every bit of contact that her hips made with his, another jolt of electricity bolted from Spike's loins. To say he wanted her was an understatement. By now, he _needed_ her.

Turning to the other breast, intent of spending an equal amount of time on it, Spike encircled her other nipple with his expert tongue and let his other hand trail down her stomach. After a few minutes more, he headed further down, once again adorning her cesarean scar with somber kisses, letting their grief mingle together for a few seconds.

As Faye brushed her hands through his hair again, Spike came out of his reverie and continued with his task. Licking lightly at her navel and hearing her giggle, he then bypassed her most wanton region and took hold of her silky leg. Giving her foot a quick massage, he watched her face and saw that his actions were a delightful surprise. Taking her other foot in hand, he repeated the motions.

Once completed with that task, Spike then placed a kiss at her ankle, then another a few inches up and so on until he got to the top of her thigh. Then he returned to the ankle on the other leg and repeated his trail up. By now, Faye was becoming very frustrated with his avoidance techniques and all but begged him to stop teasing her.

Sitting up, Spike ignored her mewls and freed himself of his pants and green-stripped boxers. He then laid his body on top of hers and settled himself between her inviting legs. Kissing her once again, Spike slowly slid into her and smirked at her gasp. Almost instinctually, Faye's legs wrapped around Spike's waist, urging him to go faster, deeper; harder.

Her moans and cries elevated to a near fever pitch as he continued to thrust himself into her. Though her eyes were heavily lidded with the pleasure that they were creating, her sparkling green eyes locked onto his bright, chocolate and russet ones, and they smiled gratefully at one another.

A few more thrusts was all it took to push them over the edge into blinding bliss and they lay, sweaty and satisfied in each others arms for several minutes more. As their breath finally began to regulate once more, Spike pulled out of Faye and flopped on his side. Pulling her to him and laying a possessive kiss on her forehead, the lovers sighed in contented release.

"I love you, ya know," Spike whispered to her.

"Yeah, I had a feeling you did," she smiled back to him.

"I got another question for you, though," he said as he nuzzled her neck.

"What are you going to ask me, now?" She said in mock frustration.

"I was just wondering why you always kiss my shoulder. It's the same spot every time, too."

"Oh, that," she giggled, sounding almost like her former self. "Well, you have the cutest little mole just above your shoulder blade, and every time I see it, I just have to kiss it. Maybe I do it for luck, I dunno. You don't have a Buddha belly to rub, so I gotta get my luck somewhere."

Chuckling at her little-girl explanations, Spike pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. He then settled in, ready to get some sleep.

"Damn," Spike exclaimed a few minutes later, as he quickly sat up.

"What's wrong?" Faye asked, worry on her face.

He didn't answer, but searched for his pants, instead. He found them and fished in the pocket and pulled out a little box. Clutching it in his hand, Spike went over to Faye's dresser in all his naked glory, and rambled through the jewelry box he found there. Seemingly seeing what he was looking for, he concealed his actions, as he had his back towards Faye.

Turning back a few seconds later, he walked back over to the bed and sat down. He held out a fist to her and motioned for her to open her hand. Complying, she held out her palm and watched as a silver chain dropped into it.

"You said you wouldn't marry me right now," Spike said to her, "and that's okay. But maybe you can wear this around your neck instead. Kinda like a promise or something."

Faye looked into her hand and picked up the chain. As it dangled in her fingers, she caught sight of a hoop in the middle and pulled it towards her. To her amazement, it was a ring. A beautiful silver and diamond ring.

"It's real, though I know it's not much, I mean, it's only like a fourth of a carat, but it was all I could afford right now. I would much rather give you a fancier ring, anyway, if I was asking you to marry me and all."

Faye stared at the ring, characteristic tears welling up in her eyes. Her look of stun turned to an enthusiastic smile and she leaped happily into his arms.

"Christ, it's beautiful, Spike. I absolutely love it!"

Smiling back at her and relieved that she liked it, he took the chain from her and put it around her neck. Letting the ring rest on her exposed chest, he looked back up at her and returned her loving smile. Kissing her again with every emotion he was capable of, pouring out of him and into her, Spike knew that she was his forever.

Separating from the kiss and laying back down, Faye clicked off the light and they settled in to sleep. Huddled so close with her cowboy, the man she would walk through Hell for, things felt so ridiculously right. The quite that enveloped the sleeping Bebop in those moments was a sound that echoed the calm that came _after _the storm.

Kind of like a natural disaster, that's how the Bebop existed. At first, things were calm, but everyone knew there was trouble slowly brewing. Then, disaster would strike and everyone would be left in confusion, trying desperately to pick their lives back up. And then, after some grieving, people would begin to pick up the pieces and put things back together. And then a year or so later, everything would be back to some semblance of normality, some form of regularity.

Though the terror of the disaster would never be forgotten, the survivors would be stronger for it. Out of the tragedy, beauty would spring forth, and continue to propel life forward. Yeah…that was a lot like the Bebop. Tragic, yet beautiful. Like a work from Shakespeare, the crew of this ship was poetry in motion.

* * *

so...that's that. kinda bittersweet, eh? and i apologize again for any ooc-ness, but once again, i think we all have to understand why. so yeah, there's just that epilouge left. who knew things would be over so soon. well...until then, i guess. i'll save the weepiness for then. as always, thanks for stopping by and until next time!


	20. Epilouge: The Last Page

**a/n: so my friends, this is the end, yet again. it came and went so fast, didn't it? well, the epilouge, cleverly titled "the last page" offers insight into the bebop in the aftermath of everything. and it's kind of a definite conclusion (which will keep this from being one of those weird sequel after sequel after sequel deals). well, i hope you like the way things go.**

Epilouge: The Last Page

* * *

And that's the end of that particular story. Sound's crazy, right? Well, more often than not, my life _is_ crazy. But I wouldn't change it, no, I've started to like it way too much. Like I said, though: that's all, folks. Did I do a good job? It's not like I really care what you think anyway (I've never been too into other people's opinions), but if you made it _this_ far, then I guess I did something right. 

Man, if someone had have told me ten years ago that I'd be writing books, and publishing them, no less, I would have told them they were crazy. Hell, I'd even tell them _now_ that they were crazy. But here I am, another novel tucked away under my belt. I guess I'd like to thank you for reading, even though I'm sure you flipped to the last page before you even made it through the first chapter. But people in my life, most notably Faye, say that I'm not grateful enough, so really…thank you.

It's not normally in my nature to be so candid about myself, but this writing thing is really therapeutic. I remember when I was into heroin and Faye made me keep that diary, I _hated_ it at first. But by the end, I was really into it. I even said that I might write more in the future. Boy, if only I knew how true that statement was.

So, if you haven't figured who this is yet, writing to you in first person, it's me…Spike. You know, the author of this book and all. This is my autobiography, I guess…well, a little bit, at least. This was just a few months of my life. If I decided to write about _everything_ I've been through thus far, then I might as well sit down and rewrite the whole fucking encyclopedia. But I guess that's off topic.

Um…so, I bet you're wondering what I've been doing with my life since all of this, huh? Well, even if you're _not_ wondering, I'm gonna tell you, anyway. The events in this book actually took place nine years ago. That's right, nine years. I'm thirty something now, and Faye claims that she's still in her twenties, etc.

Let's see…oh, speaking of Faye, yeah, we did eventually get married. It's been six years…or maybe seven. Shit. Our anniversary's coming up soon, so I better figure out how long it's been. It hasn't been wedded bliss for us, since 'bliss' isn't in our vocabulary, but it's been good. Very good, actually. I guess when you love somebody so much, things just fall into place. She makes my life worth living and I'd give her the world if I could.

And we have two kids, actually. Yep, Spike Spiegel's _finally_ a father. We have a boy, Jack, who's five, and a daughter, Evey, who's three. I love them to death. I didn't know I'd be so happy being a dad, but I am. They give me a kind a joy that I never knew existed. But the joy is just gonna keep on coming, apparently. Faye's two months pregnant with our third right now. We're going to go tell the gang about it just as soon as I finish this book.

Oh, and yes, Faye and I still talk to Jet and Ed, though we no longer live on the Bebop. We moved into a house of our own back when we got married, so I guess the crew is kinda broken up, now.

We got a house in one of those hideous track housing neighborhoods, "Leave it to Beaver" is what Faye calls it. Everyone is so happy and neighborly and frankly, it gets on my nerves. But I was never all that much of a people person, so surprise, surprise. It's a good place to raise our kids, though, so I guess I'll give it that much. A few cities over from Tharsis is actually not as bad as one would think.

Now I bet you're wondering how I could afford a house at all, seeing as though Bebop and broke went together like peanut butter and jelly. Well, _this_ is how I can afford a house. I write. I have a few stories out there, so if you haven't heard of me by now, then fuck you. Wait…no, I can't say that. Okay then…thanks for finally taking a look at my work.

Anyhow, yep, I'm a writer, now. No more hunting for me…that life got old, and it's not conducive to raising a family. I'm no Pulitzer Prize winner or anything, and no one's beating down my door to turn my stuff into movies, but I'm doing well enough. I'm making enough money to live quite comfortably on, and that's all that matters. That, and I really do enjoy writing.

As for Faye, she doesn't hunt anymore, either. She's what we call a "stay at home mom" now. _I_ call her a lazy mooch, but she doesn't take too kindly to that. But I never really saw Faye as a real working woman, anyway. I'm not saying that her place is in the kitchen (since she can't cook all that well), but she's too interested in life to have a conventional job. Professional child and husband wrangler is work enough, I suppose.

When I think about it, _nobody_ hunts anymore. Jet actually went back to the ISSP. He's the head chief of his department, now, which keeps him off of the dangerous beats, but still satisfies him. He's pretty happy with his job, so that's really good. He also got married about four years ago. That's right, Jet finally got married. I always pegged him as the marrying type, but it took him a while to get there.

His wife, Sara, is a really great woman. She's stronger than Alisa was, but still soft enough for Jet. She compliments him well. He's also a dad! "Papa Jet" has finally earned his nickname. They have a six year old son, Neko, and he's the spitting image of Jet…except he has hair. Jet was afraid, at first, that he wouldn't do such a good job being a dad, but he had enough practice with Ed before hand, I guess. And as for Ed, even though she wasn't exactly a bounty hunter to begin with, she actually went to college. Turns out all of her hacking really _did_ turn her into a genius, so getting accepted wasn't very hard for her at all.

If you can believe it, she was a psychology major, and now she's training to be a social worker. I guess that after all the shit she went through with her dad, she decided to help out kids so they didn't have to go through what she did. Although, I'm sure any kid would _love_ life on the Bebop. But it's so weird to think that crazy little Ed is now a 24 year old woman. She still goes by Edward, but actually talks in coherent, normal English. When she's around us, though, she still reverts back to her old Ed ways, airplane noises and all.

The mutt is still around, too. He's only 10…or 70 in dog years. But his breed suggests that he has at least three good years left in him. We're all nervously waiting the day he kicks the dog dish, though. Ed's gonna lose what's left of her mind when that happens. The two are best friends, you know.

She has a boyfriend, though, if anyone can believe that, and from what we can see, they're really into each other. We figure that one of these days, they'll either move in together and/or get married, but for now, Ed's being a homebody and staying with her surrogate father, Jet. And though one might say that a 24 year old shouldn't be living at home with her "parents", Jet is more than used to adult kids in his house, and he welcomed her with open arms.

And you know those annoying neighbors I mentioned earlier? Well, Jet, his family, and Ed are our neighbors. Like inseparable saps, when we moved off the Bebop, we insisted on living next door to each other. Oh, did you think that Jet still lived on the ship? Well, he doesn't. But he didn't get rid of the clunker; the ship holds way too many memories to scrap. Actually, it's in the backyard.

Well, not the literal back yard, per say. See, the houses that we live in are on the waterfront of a man-made lake. So, we can just go out the back gate and be on the water. And since the lake is pretty big, and our houses are far enough apart, the old girl's docked right out back. I'm not sure if she'll ever see bounty action again, but I guess never say never.

When I think on it all, it's absolutely insane to think of how our lives have changed. I guess I just thought that things would stay exactly how they were, no changes, no nothing. But life moves on, whether you want it to or not. But I'm glad it did, and I'm glad I went with the flow.

And to assuage your fears, in case you had any, I am nine years clean and sober. I believe I hit rock bottom in that hotel room that night all those years ago, and I'm terrified to get back to a place like that again. I won't lie and say that sobriety is a walk in the park, we see how easily I relapsed the last time, but I had a better incentive to stay clean this time. That incentive was love.

It's not like I didn't have that the first time around, I just didn't acknowledge it. And also, I had a couple of people around me who weren't afraid to slap me upside the head, literally, when cravings got a little too intense again. So all in all, I made it out of the woods. I'm not saying that I'm in the clear for life, but I think I'll keep up this sober thing…I like the way it's going.

So then, I guess that's it. I don't think I have anything else to tell you. Maybe, if I get bored, inspired, or low on funds, I'll write some more about the sordid details of my life, but this is it for now. I remember my editor told me that I could never put out a book like this. There was too much language, and it was too gritty, and the sex scenes were unnecessary.

I told him that there wasn't too much fucking language, and I'd say whatever the hell I wanted to. I also told him that my life is gritty, and he'd have to deal with it. And without the sex scenes, some of you would have never made it to the end of the book…don't lie. So I guess this is a big "suck it" to my dear editor, seeing as though at least _you_ are reading this.

I guess I'll go out on one of those inspirational high notes, then. It's not really my style, but my wife likes to tell me that I should inspire more. I also tell her that she should get cooking lessons, but she just makes me sleep on the couch when I tell her that.

Well, let's see then…inspiration. Okay, here goes. Life is hard. It puts you through ups and downs and turns you around and makes you dizzy. And it'll kick you when you're down and make you never want to get up again. But on the flip side, life is only as hard as you make it, and you'll never go through more than you can handle. Even if you give up, you were still only tested to the brink of your abilities. So slow down, stop and smell the roses; take life as it comes. Whatever happens, happens. Take in a sunset, eat an ice cream cone, and just enjoy what this experience has to offer.

So once again, thank you for taking the time to read this. I really do appreciate it. I don't know if I made you mad, sad, angry, happy, disgusted, or what have you, and if I did, then that's good. If I inspired you though, even just the slightest bit, then _that_ is my greatest accomplishment in this aspect of my life. I won't be a bastard and plug my other works, now, so I guess I'll just leave you with this parting sentiment…See you later, Space Cowboys.

* * *

Removing his fingers from the keyboard and admiring his efforts, Spike set back in his chair and gave a satisfied sigh. Deciding to put off editing until tomorrow, he looked at the time and was shocked to see it was almost six p.m. It was Tuesday, which meant it was dinner at Jet's house tonight. Sara was a great cook, and they had news to share. 

Pushing away from his desk, Spike stood and stretched. Saving his work one last time, he turned off his computer, flicked off the light, and exited his study to go find his family. He ran into Faye first, who had little Jack on her hip, and he kissed her softly and told her his story was done. Evey waddled up to him then and asked for her daddy to pick her up and Spike happily complied and kissed her chubby cheek.

Heading out of their front door and taking the short walk across the lawn, the Spiegel family (though Faye still went by Valentine when he made her mad), made their way to Jet's house. Entering the open door, Ein was the first to alert the home's inhabitants, barking happily and running, thought not as fast, to greet the newcomers. Jet came out of the kitchen then and greeted his guests as well.

After hellos had been said, everyone sat down at the table and laughed and ate and enjoyed what life had given them. It was a full table, to say the least, with two separate families crowded around, but the ex-Beboppers enjoyed the coziness.

Midway through the meal, Faye announced that she was pregnant and Sara and Ed screamed with joy. Then, Sara revealed that she, too, was pregnant, and that sent the womenfolk into a happy, dancing circle. Jet and Spike exchanged glances, wondering what they were going to do with _two_ pregnant women at the same time, but congratulated each other nonetheless.

And that was how life was for the Bebop-Bebop crew. They had families, now, and they had lives that finally fit them. And they were happy. Life _had_ slowed down, and they thoroughly enjoyed all that they had. Chattering and laughter poured from the house, one that was overflowing with love. And in the backyard, empty, but not forgotten, floated the ship that had brought those strangers together so very long ago.

The Bebop had been through a lot. Bad and good, sad and happy, but things all worked out in the end. Maybe it was the ship that had done this to them. When Jet had purchased the fishing trawler over fifeteen years ago, the man he bought it from told him that the ship was special. He said that with its unusual appearance, came unusual occurrences and once you resigned yourself to life on that ship, you would never be the same.

And perhaps that's what the man was talking about: this family that had been created. Though the original members where branching out and moving on, they would still inevitably be brought back together in the end. With the magic of the Bebop, the tragic beauty of life, these Space Cowboys were now finally able to carry that weight.

_AND THOUGH IT'S THE END, IT'S  
STILL ONLY THE BEGINNING…_

_

* * *

_

**as much as i hate to say it, that was the last of it. fin, i guess is the appropriate term. man, i'm sentimental. in a way, i was ready for it to end, but then again, not really. even though this has been written since mid-august, the editing and re-editing process just brought back my love for this fic. i'm happy with how it turned out, and i hope you are, too. it's succeded its predecessor, which is more than i could have asked for. overall, i'm a bittersweet, happy camper.**

**i guess i'll tell you to keep looking out for me, because you can't keep a good writer down (barring i'm any type of good, that is). i'll do my favorite, song-fics, and one shots for a while, but fear not if you like me writing in this style. i already have preliminary thoughts of a new fic, and the prospects excite me. **

**thanks so much for the support, etc. to all of you who reviewed, muchas gracias and all that jazz. you're reviews always made my day. and for those of you who just read, a big thanks to you, too. reading is a definite compliment in and of itself. so then, until we meet again. adieu my dear readers!**

**phoenix**


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